Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Autism Help
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 108324" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Janna, this isn't easy. It's even harder with him not being at home with you. But you have to work, don't you? So at least with Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), there is someone there to help him when school isn't coping (correct me if I'm wrong).</p><p></p><p>The head banging - sorry, but punishing this isn't helping him or you. He's going to do it, or something like it. If you try to stop a stimulant or similar, they 'break out' somewhere else. </p><p></p><p>So, a suggestion - it seems the trigger is frustration, especially with the particular game he's playing. So when he hits himself, don't shut off the game but instead, make him take a five minute break. Tell him to put the game on "pause". And if the game cannot be paused, then ban it for now. Make him play only pausable games.</p><p>Another string to that bow - make him wear a cyclist's helmet when he is playing. Not a stack-hat, more the sort that is padded but has gaps in it so he can see freely. You can get them with chin guards as well. If not a cyclist's helmet, then maybe something else - a hockey mask perhaps? The thing is, he needs something that will surprise him and make him stop when he next tries to hit his head. He knows he shouldn't do it and inside he probably doesn't want to, so he probably is as compliant as he can be with this. So hopefully this will help him stop and think long enough to 'turn it off'. But you need to be there too, to make him change task for a few minutes, take a break so he can get control back over his frustration. Don't do this in a spirit of punishment; instead, make it clear you are trying to help him learn to deal more appropriately with his frustration. Basically, act as if some uncontrolled third party is hitting him when he is frustrated and helping him reduce his frustration will stop that person hitting him. This may take a little time to set up and get working or it could begin to work straight away.</p><p></p><p>The schoolwork - the cubicle is good thinking but it's not enough. Janet's suggestion of headphones is a good one. Also, customising his space - all these ideas need to be tried or considered, to see what works best. The washing machine box - my boys found this one by themselves. Regarding the headphones - you may need to pipe some music through. The purpose - to produce a sort of "white noise" or alternative sound which is less distracting for him.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 had (has?) this problem. He got practically nothing done in mainstream, then they would send it home for homework and he didn't have a hope of doing it after school hours when his medications had worn off. For us, homework was a huge battle because he'd been trying to hold it together all day and then he had to keep going after school too. It sounds like Dylan is motivated and willing to work. Therefore a reward chart probably will not help much. The problem isn't lack of motivation, it's distraction. And for these kids, it can be extreme. I'm just surprised the teacher can see part of the problem but not grasp just how bad it can really be.</p><p>difficult child 3 had his desk moved to a point where his view of the other students was completely blocked. When bookwork was set difficult child 3 sat in the classroom while the teacher explained what to do and then went to his special desk to actually do the work. Sound was blocked out by use of headphones with CD player. The selected music was classical instrumental with upbeat 'feel' and not too soporific nor too many sudden changes in volume. Good choices include Handel's Water Music, Vivaldi's The Four Seasons, Beethoven's Sixth and Ninth (we allowed Fifth as well) and just about anything by Mozart or Bach. More modern permissibles included Gerschwin and a lot of backing music to Japanese animé. We let difficult child 3 have a say in what music we selected - he also chose "Classical Gas" played by Tommy Emmanuel and Sydney Philharmonic Orchestra.</p><p></p><p>But this wasn't enough. It helped, but a big part of the problem also is the way schools change task too often for autistic kids. Often difficult child 3 would be just getting started when they were told to put that worksheet down and take out another subject.</p><p></p><p>What would bother difficult child 3 (and still does) - the sounds of people coughing, sniffing, talking ("Please miss, can I have another worksheet?" "Now remember class, when you finish page one you have to turn it over and finish the other side."), scraping chairs, the vibration of footsteps in the classroom or even outside' the sight of wind blowing in the trees, the feel of the chair, the peripheral vision of people walking past.</p><p>Now he's at home and doing his schoolwork under conditions he can control and I can eliminate as much sensory distraction as possible, issues we still have are - too many people in the house (just the peripheral vision again plus the feel of their steps and the sound of their voices even whispering); the sound of any interruption such as the phone ringing or the doorbell; and the feel through the ground of building works over a kilometre away. A truck driving past. The postman. A rumbling tummy. Thoughts intrude, unless he can bury himself sufficiently in his own concentration. He will be trying to work but thinking about a particular computer game, so the day goes as follows: </p><p></p><p>9 am - begin work.</p><p></p><p>9.01 am - "Mum, when you play Moon Invaders you can move the cursor to the top left of the screen and choose jump from the menu to collect gold rings which you can exchange for mining credits."</p><p>Me: "I don't need to know this. Go begin your maths now."</p><p></p><p>9.02 am - [he comes back into the room, pen in hand]...because when you have enough credits, you can also exchange them for equipment such as a space-breathing mule or extra cans of oxygen..."</p><p>Me: I REALLY don't need to know. How much maths have you got done?</p><p></p><p>9.15 am - "Mum, how about you play Moon Invaders while I am working? I know you will enjoy it. There is this bit in the middle where the bad guy jumps out at you..."</p><p></p><p>Now I KNOW he has done no work - not because the house has been noisy, but because his own thoughts have been. He needs to get it out of his system before he can settle to work.</p><p></p><p>This is a huge headache and must drive teachers nuts. I know it drives me up the wall. But the flip side is - when he finally settles to work, he does well and gets a lot done much faster than you would expect.</p><p></p><p>This is not unusual for autistic kids, especially those with thoughts racing through their heads in all directions.</p><p></p><p>They also feel injustice keenly. To be punished for calling out when he had raised his hand etc, is wrong. And what did the punishment achieve? Did it help him settle faster to his work. NO flamin' way. The fastest way to deal with it would have been to let him get some lip balm and he would have been back in class in five minutes and better able to work without his lip distracting him.</p><p></p><p>I don't yell at difficult child 3 (not much, anyway) when he is so badly distracted. I DO call his attention to it, however, to let him know that his mind is distracting him and to ask him how we can help him get over this 'hump' in his day.</p><p></p><p>By involving him in the discussion of the problem and asking him for help with the solution, we are engaging him in being positive about what we do as a team. It's the opposite of adversarial.</p><p></p><p>We also confront the distraction head-on where possible to lay it to rest. When the building works last disrupted difficult child 3, we put down the work and went for a walk to see exactly what the builders were doing. He was more settled when we returned.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes a total change of scenery is needed - a separate, quiet room can sometimes work best.</p><p></p><p>It's a matter of trying different things to see what works, and not to see the child as a troublemaker out for attention. It sounds like Dylan is still trying to understand himself and his autism. Could you give him my outline of it? (or something similar). You know the one - different brains learn different ways, we're like computers with different operating systems which can still produce the required identical output, but only with the right software written for the way our brains work. Some people have mac brains, other people have easy child brains. But if you find the thing that makes your brain work at its best, you can do as well as anybody else. Autism is not the problem, it's people's expectations and lack of flexibility and adaptability. Some people are left-handed, some are right-handed. left handed people are often good at creating things while right handed people are often good at analytical things. We use what we have and do the best we can with what we've been dealt. And sometimes we've been dealt gifts along with what seem to be problems. Someone who is sensitive to vibration can be a very good seismologist, or detective. Someone who is sensitive to smell could become one of the world's best perfume makers or perhaps a brilliant chemist (husband can use his nose to detect differences between some chemicals which other people can't recognise). Or a person with a sensitive smell can be a brilliant diagnostician, able to quickly identify a number of different diseases by subtle differences in smell. For example, some dogs are being trained to detect skin cancers at a very early stage - by smell.</p><p>And there are other gifts which we just don't know about until we begin to explore what we can do.</p><p></p><p>Give Dylan a list of exceptional people who probably have (had) autism in some form. Bill Gates. Einstein. Gregor Mendel. Any one of many animal behaviour experts. Steve Irwin? Maybe. Other people from Australia Zoo? Probably, we've met them and they're all utterly obsessed with their animals. Many university academics. And so on - think of people you know and love, including family and friends. Having autism can be overwhelming especially when you are still coming to terms with the diagnosis, but you are who you are and it's best to learn to love it. Find the talents and praise him for them. Support his interests and obsessions, allow him to be himself and love him. Help him with his problems but help him to learn to help himself. Recognise that problems such as anxiety are going to be a headache for many more years than is 'normal', and find ways to help you all live with that. You can't program him out of his anxiety, nor can you teach him to not be anxious. It's like trying to teach him to change his eye colour.</p><p></p><p>Breaking down tasks can help, but not always. Always worth a try though, so you can find out how much it could help. Providing support through new tasks is good, be prepared to have to do this for longer than you'd hoped. Each time, allow him to try a little bit more on his own but never push him too far at once.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. It's a long journey.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 108324, member: 1991"] Janna, this isn't easy. It's even harder with him not being at home with you. But you have to work, don't you? So at least with Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), there is someone there to help him when school isn't coping (correct me if I'm wrong). The head banging - sorry, but punishing this isn't helping him or you. He's going to do it, or something like it. If you try to stop a stimulant or similar, they 'break out' somewhere else. So, a suggestion - it seems the trigger is frustration, especially with the particular game he's playing. So when he hits himself, don't shut off the game but instead, make him take a five minute break. Tell him to put the game on "pause". And if the game cannot be paused, then ban it for now. Make him play only pausable games. Another string to that bow - make him wear a cyclist's helmet when he is playing. Not a stack-hat, more the sort that is padded but has gaps in it so he can see freely. You can get them with chin guards as well. If not a cyclist's helmet, then maybe something else - a hockey mask perhaps? The thing is, he needs something that will surprise him and make him stop when he next tries to hit his head. He knows he shouldn't do it and inside he probably doesn't want to, so he probably is as compliant as he can be with this. So hopefully this will help him stop and think long enough to 'turn it off'. But you need to be there too, to make him change task for a few minutes, take a break so he can get control back over his frustration. Don't do this in a spirit of punishment; instead, make it clear you are trying to help him learn to deal more appropriately with his frustration. Basically, act as if some uncontrolled third party is hitting him when he is frustrated and helping him reduce his frustration will stop that person hitting him. This may take a little time to set up and get working or it could begin to work straight away. The schoolwork - the cubicle is good thinking but it's not enough. Janet's suggestion of headphones is a good one. Also, customising his space - all these ideas need to be tried or considered, to see what works best. The washing machine box - my boys found this one by themselves. Regarding the headphones - you may need to pipe some music through. The purpose - to produce a sort of "white noise" or alternative sound which is less distracting for him. difficult child 3 had (has?) this problem. He got practically nothing done in mainstream, then they would send it home for homework and he didn't have a hope of doing it after school hours when his medications had worn off. For us, homework was a huge battle because he'd been trying to hold it together all day and then he had to keep going after school too. It sounds like Dylan is motivated and willing to work. Therefore a reward chart probably will not help much. The problem isn't lack of motivation, it's distraction. And for these kids, it can be extreme. I'm just surprised the teacher can see part of the problem but not grasp just how bad it can really be. difficult child 3 had his desk moved to a point where his view of the other students was completely blocked. When bookwork was set difficult child 3 sat in the classroom while the teacher explained what to do and then went to his special desk to actually do the work. Sound was blocked out by use of headphones with CD player. The selected music was classical instrumental with upbeat 'feel' and not too soporific nor too many sudden changes in volume. Good choices include Handel's Water Music, Vivaldi's The Four Seasons, Beethoven's Sixth and Ninth (we allowed Fifth as well) and just about anything by Mozart or Bach. More modern permissibles included Gerschwin and a lot of backing music to Japanese animé. We let difficult child 3 have a say in what music we selected - he also chose "Classical Gas" played by Tommy Emmanuel and Sydney Philharmonic Orchestra. But this wasn't enough. It helped, but a big part of the problem also is the way schools change task too often for autistic kids. Often difficult child 3 would be just getting started when they were told to put that worksheet down and take out another subject. What would bother difficult child 3 (and still does) - the sounds of people coughing, sniffing, talking ("Please miss, can I have another worksheet?" "Now remember class, when you finish page one you have to turn it over and finish the other side."), scraping chairs, the vibration of footsteps in the classroom or even outside' the sight of wind blowing in the trees, the feel of the chair, the peripheral vision of people walking past. Now he's at home and doing his schoolwork under conditions he can control and I can eliminate as much sensory distraction as possible, issues we still have are - too many people in the house (just the peripheral vision again plus the feel of their steps and the sound of their voices even whispering); the sound of any interruption such as the phone ringing or the doorbell; and the feel through the ground of building works over a kilometre away. A truck driving past. The postman. A rumbling tummy. Thoughts intrude, unless he can bury himself sufficiently in his own concentration. He will be trying to work but thinking about a particular computer game, so the day goes as follows: 9 am - begin work. 9.01 am - "Mum, when you play Moon Invaders you can move the cursor to the top left of the screen and choose jump from the menu to collect gold rings which you can exchange for mining credits." Me: "I don't need to know this. Go begin your maths now." 9.02 am - [he comes back into the room, pen in hand]...because when you have enough credits, you can also exchange them for equipment such as a space-breathing mule or extra cans of oxygen..." Me: I REALLY don't need to know. How much maths have you got done? 9.15 am - "Mum, how about you play Moon Invaders while I am working? I know you will enjoy it. There is this bit in the middle where the bad guy jumps out at you..." Now I KNOW he has done no work - not because the house has been noisy, but because his own thoughts have been. He needs to get it out of his system before he can settle to work. This is a huge headache and must drive teachers nuts. I know it drives me up the wall. But the flip side is - when he finally settles to work, he does well and gets a lot done much faster than you would expect. This is not unusual for autistic kids, especially those with thoughts racing through their heads in all directions. They also feel injustice keenly. To be punished for calling out when he had raised his hand etc, is wrong. And what did the punishment achieve? Did it help him settle faster to his work. NO flamin' way. The fastest way to deal with it would have been to let him get some lip balm and he would have been back in class in five minutes and better able to work without his lip distracting him. I don't yell at difficult child 3 (not much, anyway) when he is so badly distracted. I DO call his attention to it, however, to let him know that his mind is distracting him and to ask him how we can help him get over this 'hump' in his day. By involving him in the discussion of the problem and asking him for help with the solution, we are engaging him in being positive about what we do as a team. It's the opposite of adversarial. We also confront the distraction head-on where possible to lay it to rest. When the building works last disrupted difficult child 3, we put down the work and went for a walk to see exactly what the builders were doing. He was more settled when we returned. Sometimes a total change of scenery is needed - a separate, quiet room can sometimes work best. It's a matter of trying different things to see what works, and not to see the child as a troublemaker out for attention. It sounds like Dylan is still trying to understand himself and his autism. Could you give him my outline of it? (or something similar). You know the one - different brains learn different ways, we're like computers with different operating systems which can still produce the required identical output, but only with the right software written for the way our brains work. Some people have mac brains, other people have easy child brains. But if you find the thing that makes your brain work at its best, you can do as well as anybody else. Autism is not the problem, it's people's expectations and lack of flexibility and adaptability. Some people are left-handed, some are right-handed. left handed people are often good at creating things while right handed people are often good at analytical things. We use what we have and do the best we can with what we've been dealt. And sometimes we've been dealt gifts along with what seem to be problems. Someone who is sensitive to vibration can be a very good seismologist, or detective. Someone who is sensitive to smell could become one of the world's best perfume makers or perhaps a brilliant chemist (husband can use his nose to detect differences between some chemicals which other people can't recognise). Or a person with a sensitive smell can be a brilliant diagnostician, able to quickly identify a number of different diseases by subtle differences in smell. For example, some dogs are being trained to detect skin cancers at a very early stage - by smell. And there are other gifts which we just don't know about until we begin to explore what we can do. Give Dylan a list of exceptional people who probably have (had) autism in some form. Bill Gates. Einstein. Gregor Mendel. Any one of many animal behaviour experts. Steve Irwin? Maybe. Other people from Australia Zoo? Probably, we've met them and they're all utterly obsessed with their animals. Many university academics. And so on - think of people you know and love, including family and friends. Having autism can be overwhelming especially when you are still coming to terms with the diagnosis, but you are who you are and it's best to learn to love it. Find the talents and praise him for them. Support his interests and obsessions, allow him to be himself and love him. Help him with his problems but help him to learn to help himself. Recognise that problems such as anxiety are going to be a headache for many more years than is 'normal', and find ways to help you all live with that. You can't program him out of his anxiety, nor can you teach him to not be anxious. It's like trying to teach him to change his eye colour. Breaking down tasks can help, but not always. Always worth a try though, so you can find out how much it could help. Providing support through new tasks is good, be prepared to have to do this for longer than you'd hoped. Each time, allow him to try a little bit more on his own but never push him too far at once. Good luck. It's a long journey. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Autism Help
Top