Autistic son has a date for homecoming!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MidwestMom, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Last night my son came downstairs and was blushing fuchsia. He said, "I'm going to homecoming with T. (his best friend and we think he likes her too). I wasn't going to go, but I changed my mind."
    I am beyond flabbergasted. We were at a waterpark this weekend and he wanted to go home early Sunday to ride his bike to her house, but I had no idea he would do THIS.
    Now I'm really nervous because he has no idea how to dress, etc. I have to call the school.
    Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids *can* get better! Really, I never dreamed my son would EVER have a date! Goodness!
     
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    MWM, how wonderful!
    Yes Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids CAN get better and they can have rewarding and fulfilling lives. It sounds like your done is beginning the journey toward his.

    What a great post. It's heartwarming

    Trinity
     
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Congratulations, proud Mamma!! You sound as excited as he does and I would be, too! I'm sure the clothes, procedures, etc will fall into place. Shoot, no one expects even typical teen's to have this down perfectly. I like the idea of him going with someone who has been a friend for a while- that's a lot less stressful than a date with someone he barely knows.

    So, will we get to see photos?? :D
     
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Wow that's very cool!!! Good for you, great for him, it will probably be a night he will always remember!! Dont' worry too much about the clothes and stuff you will figure it out it's usually pretty standard stuff.

    Ah thanks for sharing that
     
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wahoo!!!!!
     
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Aw shucks! That's so SWEET! Hope he has a great time :D
     
  7. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I love it when something makes me smile!!! Way to go difficult child. That is way cool.
     
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm actually nervous! He has been in class with this girl since they have been little and everyone always teases him that she is his "girlfriend." I am going to take pictures...lol. Thanks all.
     
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    How wonderful for him!!! That is so sweet. He will be just fine, dont you worry. I think this will be great for him.

    Congrats to both of you. :)
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well...he has NO idea how to dance...lol.
    I really hope he goes through with this. He has to buy tickets. I am as nervous as the mother of a bride!
     
  11. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Your post about your son just makes me smile. :D This is so sweet. Relish the moment.
     
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    MWM- I'm just thrilled for you and him both. (I know I already psoted once on this!) But, I read it again and it sounds like maybe she asked him to go?? That is so nice- and a real confidence-builder, I hope. I bet she likes him more than just a friend!

    About the dancing- will he let you practice with him? If not, he'll probably pick it up by watching the others. Even if they don't do any dancing, they'll have fun- they probably wouldn't be the only ones not dancing.

    I never had a date for homecoming- I'm not sure our school had anything special, other than dates showing up for a football game, so I was surprised to hear anything about dancing. Do they have a dance or a party at the school after the game?
     
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, he asked her. He went to her house to ask her, and, when she wasn't home, he called her. Understand, they have been close since fourth grade and the kids at school tease them about "going out." I think they like each other. Both are rather innocent and sweet and I just hope he doesn't chicken out :)
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhh! That is so neat!
    I hope he doesn't chicken out, too.
    I would tell him that you can go to the dance as "friends" and that people will tease him about "dating" and to be prepared for it. Maybe even provide him with-some one-liners. Something to make him feel prepared, and also suggest that he come to her rescue, verbally, if the teasing gets to be too much, so he can feel like he's on a bit of a mission. I know that kids go through that anyway, but with-his attributes, he will need coaching.
    That is so cool!
    Don't forget the corsage ... and whether she wants a pin-on or wrist band. :)
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    MWM,

    this is seriously cool. Isn't it AMAZINGLY AWESOME when you get one of those "moments" you thought you wouldn't ever get with your difficult child?? I totally know the feeling.

    A call to the guidance office, or a teacher you are close to, to get info on what the kids are wearing, etiquette, etc... is helpful.

    Then, moms soemtimes show the sons how to dance respectfully (a basic box step, or just where to put hands - one on waist and hold the other one) and go throught hat if your son won't object to strongly. Wiz objected to this, but then after a dance thanked me because I used to have him dance with me sometimes - rarely, but enough that he knew where to put his hands and a LITTLE of how to move.

    Then, get him the clothes, and take LOTS of photos. maybe have a photo of the girl for us to see too?

    make sure he gets her a corsage or wrist corsage!

    Cherish your "normal" moment in the sun!
     
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    MWM,
    What a happy post! I needed to smile tonight and couldn't be happier for your son.:)
     
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    MWM that's so wonderful!!! You be sure to take lots and lots of pics! :D

    Travis is 22 and I'm still waiting for the first date. lol
     
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice on the corsage. I wondered! Does it have to match the dress? I hear the tie has to match it, but she doesn't know if she's wearing a gray or orange dress. Jeez.

    I have to say, we have normal moments with him. Every year he is more and more just a typical teen. However, he finally did grump up that SHE asked HIM...lol. Then he said, "Doesn't the boy ask the girl?" LOL. He also said, "I don't think I want to go."
    But when I said, "You'll break her heart," he said, "Yeah, ok, I"ll go." She's really important to him :)
    At school, he is getting A's and B's without an aid and participates in class, has friends...it's like a miracle. However, I can still see the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in him. But never never NEVER did we expect to see this kind of progress. I am so excited (more than him...lol).
    And I just want to repeat that Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids CAN and DO get better. You just need the right diagnosis and interventions. This child was not very high functioning as a younger child, but he had so much help.
     
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, someday that might flatter him more than him asking her!! I would say if she's either wearing gray or orange, then orange is a safe bet- anything will go with gray. I think you are doing a great job of supporting him through this and keeping him hanging on to not give up. He's 14yo?? That isn't exactly behind for dating, at least in my book. If he did chicken out (which I don't think he will), it wouldn't be uncommon for a typical teen. This is such a wonderful experience- I keep telling my difficult child to just take things slow- and I'm trying to teach him to handle things like a gentleman, just like you're doing. But it is sweet when they do and I can only imagine your pride and excitement!!!

    I read an article today where a boy with down's syndrome is accepted into a community college. I don't think we know yet what all our kids might be able to do. But yours is lucky to have you as his mom, and I really hope you take lots of pictures. Even if they saty friends and don't officialyy "date" as boyfriend/girlfriend, this is a big step and a memorable time.
     
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    MWM, that is wonderful news.

    But be careful - Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids don't GET better, but they can DO better. They ADAPT. And they can adapt brilliantly. Underneath, however, they still have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). If you keep this in mind then you will be less likely to accidentally overload him.

    About etiquette - get out some books, look stuff up online and maybe condense it down for him. Role-play some bits. But you shouldn't need to do too much because she DOES know him well, they are good friends. He needs to always have permission to be himself, but he CAN learn the things he may need to do as far as social rules are concerned. For example, he does need to know that he can't take the girl to the dance but then spend all evening ignoring her and talking to other friends. If they go together, they need to pretty much stay together. Not glued to each other, but he should keep her in mind (where she is, what she is doing) so they are neither of them left at a loose end for too long.

    Don't feel bad that she asked him - these days that's OK.

    difficult child 1's first girlfriend did all the chasing. She asked him to go out with her, they spent every bit of time they could, together. But almost always only at school. They were 'an item' for two and a half years.

    What to watch for form here - if this becomes a romance, try to keep them going slowly. If it becomes too intense while they're still so young, she is likely to mature faster than him and 'outgrow' him, eventually wanting more from a relationship than he is ready to give. This is what happened to difficult child 1 with his first girlfriend. It was a mess for a while - he was suicidal, on antidepressants for two years. However, I talked him through it also, kept telling him that the break-up was not his fault, not her fault, just one of those things that had to happen because in their case, they had just grown apart. It happens. But having had the relationship last as long as it did - that was good, it showed that both of them were considerate, thoughtful, loyal and loving people.

    easy child 2/difficult child 2 and her first boyfriend were an example of a relationship that was too intense that it burned out too fast. They were both too young, with too many issues that got in the way. It has taken two years but she is now no longer angry with him and he finally is over her enough to have another girlfriend. He is coming to difficult child 1's wedding so we will see him then and find out (hopefully) that he really IS over easy child 2/difficult child 2.

    Part of this is normal typical teen romance stuff, but there are Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) overtones. One of the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) aspects to romance - Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids tend to be extremely loyal. It is unlikely that he will ever be the one to break up with her (should they actually officially become boyfriend-girlfriend).

    So encourage them to keep this on a friendship basis, but don't try too hard to stop things or it will confuse and upset them.

    Tightrope-walking time!

    It does generally work out, though. If he's being sought after for a relationship now, if he's been asked to be a date - then that looks positive for his future as someone's life partner.

    difficult child 1's wedding is now less than 6 weeks away. girlfriend is a darling girl, she does have her own issues but she and difficult child 1 seem to complement each other well. He supports her when she needs it; she organises him and helps him learn to do things for himself. We've been working on this as well over the years, so at this stage she's slowly taking over some areas of responsibility. They will need some level of support with paperwork etc because I don't want the girl to have to feel she's got to do the lot; but she IS very independent.

    MWM, with keeping him involved and doing the right thing socially, focus on practicality. Rather than say, "You'll break her heart," tell him that if he chose not to go then she would be disappointed. Being at a school dance with someone who is a good friend makes the occasion much more enjoyable. Having a friend who is also the opposite sex also makes life very interesting and a lot of fun. Being friends above all else is the best foundation for a long-term relationship, wherever things go in their lives. They may both grow up to each find someone else - but the friendship they have now, will teach them how to have a good relationship later on.

    Mind you, easy child was 14, BF1 was 15, when they met and became "good friends". It quickly shifted into boyfriend-girlfriend basis and they are now engaged after having been living together for the past five years.

    I am so happy for you all!

    Marg
     
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