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General Parenting
Avoiding POWER STRUGGLES with Teens
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 282447" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Oy. Power struggles......such fun.</p><p></p><p>We have that in our house too and I'm not always successful in dealing with them but I do try. The options technique is a good one but it can be hard to come up with options in the heat of the moment. In those cases, I would have a list of rules and options made up and known ahead of time. For example, rules A,B&C are non-negotiable. These are the biggies in your house either for your own ethics/morals or safety reasons. (No stealing, no running with scissors, no playing on the highway, etc.) Rules D thru F are generally ones that we should stick too but could POSSIBLY be negotiated but would depend on the circumstances.....that type of thing. That way, there is no question of what is expected of EVERYONE in the home but there is also room for compromise/negotiation depending on the circumstance. Even the best laid plans and rules can go awry and need adjusted in unexpected situations. In the 16 year old's case, maybe there can be some kind of compromise between the two of you regarding her need to be in control (lack of trust) and your parental responsibility. But at the same time, you ARE the parent so she will need to earn these ....for lack of a better term....privaledges. Know what I mean? It's a tough situation when there are struggles like this so you'll just have to work out a system or set of rules/expectations that work for your household.</p><p></p><p>Tatay....You may want to make a seperate post of your own about that so any responses don't get lost in the mix. However, stealing is a biggie for me and my husband. I don't know the situation so I can't comment much but I would say off the top of my head that your difficult child work off the money or lose some big things as punishment. That isn't a behavior that you want to let him off easy. (Not that I'm saying you did...I don't know what you did.....but it should be dealt with in a way to make an impression on him.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 282447, member: 2459"] Oy. Power struggles......such fun. We have that in our house too and I'm not always successful in dealing with them but I do try. The options technique is a good one but it can be hard to come up with options in the heat of the moment. In those cases, I would have a list of rules and options made up and known ahead of time. For example, rules A,B&C are non-negotiable. These are the biggies in your house either for your own ethics/morals or safety reasons. (No stealing, no running with scissors, no playing on the highway, etc.) Rules D thru F are generally ones that we should stick too but could POSSIBLY be negotiated but would depend on the circumstances.....that type of thing. That way, there is no question of what is expected of EVERYONE in the home but there is also room for compromise/negotiation depending on the circumstance. Even the best laid plans and rules can go awry and need adjusted in unexpected situations. In the 16 year old's case, maybe there can be some kind of compromise between the two of you regarding her need to be in control (lack of trust) and your parental responsibility. But at the same time, you ARE the parent so she will need to earn these ....for lack of a better term....privaledges. Know what I mean? It's a tough situation when there are struggles like this so you'll just have to work out a system or set of rules/expectations that work for your household. Tatay....You may want to make a seperate post of your own about that so any responses don't get lost in the mix. However, stealing is a biggie for me and my husband. I don't know the situation so I can't comment much but I would say off the top of my head that your difficult child work off the money or lose some big things as punishment. That isn't a behavior that you want to let him off easy. (Not that I'm saying you did...I don't know what you did.....but it should be dealt with in a way to make an impression on him.) [/QUOTE]
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