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General Parenting
Avoiding POWER STRUGGLES with Teens
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 282523" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>As others said, Pick your battles and practice skills on the less threatening ones.</p><p> </p><p>I think one thing important when your kids are in their teens is learning a new way of communicating. I wasn't very good at this but looking back on my horrid mistakes with Diva, I would like to suggest practicing talking with the non-important issues so the important ones will be easier to confront.</p><p> </p><p>Start setting up the "let's talk about this" habit with the easy all in favor decisions. However, you need to find a way of talking without it seeming like you are drilling. Teens don't like to give out info, even info they don't care if you know or not.</p><p> </p><p>The "let's talk about this" time is to have your child assure you that he/she really is comfortable with this, is aware of any dangers, and has answers for the the most common safety issues. </p><p> </p><p>Always discuss the situation BEFORE you give your answer. If you know it will be "yes", you still have to have that habit of discussing. Otherwise once you start explaining your side, your child will think it is a "no" because the "yes" was not there right away and he or she will automatically go into defensive mode. Get them in the habit of listening to your reasonings before giving or withholding permission. In the habit give them an opportunity to have input on how they see your reasonings.</p><p> </p><p>As with everything, much of what you do is being absorbed by your kids even though you don't think so. You will wake up one day when they are in their 20s or 30s and they will behave as if they actually wanted to do what you were trying to get across.</p><p> </p><p>Don't know if that would actually help but it would be the next thing I would try if I could have a redo with Diva.</p><p> </p><p>I have tried very hard to always talk to my kids with respect. Very trying with a strong willed teen. I admit I wasn't the best at this. However, Diva is starting to come out of a very long severe ugly teenage years stretch and actually is talking to me in the same "I am trying to keep my cool and respect you" attitude I used on her all these years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 282523, member: 5096"] As others said, Pick your battles and practice skills on the less threatening ones. I think one thing important when your kids are in their teens is learning a new way of communicating. I wasn't very good at this but looking back on my horrid mistakes with Diva, I would like to suggest practicing talking with the non-important issues so the important ones will be easier to confront. Start setting up the "let's talk about this" habit with the easy all in favor decisions. However, you need to find a way of talking without it seeming like you are drilling. Teens don't like to give out info, even info they don't care if you know or not. The "let's talk about this" time is to have your child assure you that he/she really is comfortable with this, is aware of any dangers, and has answers for the the most common safety issues. Always discuss the situation BEFORE you give your answer. If you know it will be "yes", you still have to have that habit of discussing. Otherwise once you start explaining your side, your child will think it is a "no" because the "yes" was not there right away and he or she will automatically go into defensive mode. Get them in the habit of listening to your reasonings before giving or withholding permission. In the habit give them an opportunity to have input on how they see your reasonings. As with everything, much of what you do is being absorbed by your kids even though you don't think so. You will wake up one day when they are in their 20s or 30s and they will behave as if they actually wanted to do what you were trying to get across. Don't know if that would actually help but it would be the next thing I would try if I could have a redo with Diva. I have tried very hard to always talk to my kids with respect. Very trying with a strong willed teen. I admit I wasn't the best at this. However, Diva is starting to come out of a very long severe ugly teenage years stretch and actually is talking to me in the same "I am trying to keep my cool and respect you" attitude I used on her all these years. [/QUOTE]
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