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General Parenting
Avoiding POWER STRUGGLES with Teens
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<blockquote data-quote="auntalva" data-source="post: 283543" data-attributes="member: 7210"><p>Okay, well . . . so I talked to MY therapist today about this issue, and she asked why do I feel that I have to have the power in this relationship? Why do I need to be 'in control'? After all, during adolescence it is normal for children to seek independence and autonomy. Just give her the control, relinquish the power. The most I can do is coach her, calmly and (without emotion or invested interest) explain and inform her about what I know about which actions have what consequences, and why I believe one choice has better advantages than another, but then, let her decide what to do. (Within reason, of course -- We're not talking about anything dangerous or unsafe.)</p><p> </p><p>As a parents of teenagers we need to 'detach' and not take everything so personally. If the child is disrespectful or defiant, it often is not about ME; rather it may be something hormonal, or frustration, etc. going on in the child's life, for which the parent was not the cause nor has any responsibility and which cannot be fixed. But just give her some space, and be patient. Perhaps walk away during the moment of intense feeling or conflict, and wait until later when everyone is calm to explain your reasoning, try to honor and really listen to her opinion, because after all, she does have one foot in adulthood, and will appreciate it if I try to treat her more like a young adult and less like a child. </p><p> </p><p>I dunno . . . I guess a change in parenting style is needed when they reach this stage!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="auntalva, post: 283543, member: 7210"] Okay, well . . . so I talked to MY therapist today about this issue, and she asked why do I feel that I have to have the power in this relationship? Why do I need to be 'in control'? After all, during adolescence it is normal for children to seek independence and autonomy. Just give her the control, relinquish the power. The most I can do is coach her, calmly and (without emotion or invested interest) explain and inform her about what I know about which actions have what consequences, and why I believe one choice has better advantages than another, but then, let her decide what to do. (Within reason, of course -- We're not talking about anything dangerous or unsafe.) As a parents of teenagers we need to 'detach' and not take everything so personally. If the child is disrespectful or defiant, it often is not about ME; rather it may be something hormonal, or frustration, etc. going on in the child's life, for which the parent was not the cause nor has any responsibility and which cannot be fixed. But just give her some space, and be patient. Perhaps walk away during the moment of intense feeling or conflict, and wait until later when everyone is calm to explain your reasoning, try to honor and really listen to her opinion, because after all, she does have one foot in adulthood, and will appreciate it if I try to treat her more like a young adult and less like a child. I dunno . . . I guess a change in parenting style is needed when they reach this stage! [/QUOTE]
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