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Awkward 'thing' need insightful folks
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 315497"><p>Fran, although I think you make many good points, I can't fully agree with all of it.</p><p>I did totally make the decision to make the trip to visit my cousin because of my own personal reasons...what you said about my cousin and how I feel about her sums it up.</p><p></p><p>I did NOT expect them to reciprocate...I did it 'cause we are family and cause I wanted to. It was not a quid pro quo. I made the choice because she was a close cousin, but I think of her entire family as 'my family." While visiting, while she was still alive, they made me feel as if I was 'her' family and an outsider. It was subtle, but yet there. Also, they made the choice to say that they would like to go to my son's wedding and no one showed up. This actually, didn't bother me nearly as much as greatly limiting communication.</p><p>I do recall that when my own mother passed away in her 40s, I was able to recognize and understand the loss for others.</p><p></p><p>I also don't fully "buy into" the notion that men see and feel things siginificantly differently than women and therefore they are for thee most part given a pass with- reference to social graces and the like.</p><p>This seems a little like enabling to me.</p><p>Granted, due to the sadness and certain dispositions, leeway is appropriate. But I don't agree that it should be a blanket slate/pass .....young males in grief don't have to do the same 'cause they are young and male and in grief. It is through our trials that we learn how to grow and certainly our behavior during these difficult times can reflect the underpinnings of our integrity.</p><p></p><p>by the way, I also hope the husband has found someone to help him through his grief and from what I understand, he is considering an engagement. This is not an issue on my end...perhaps a distraction for him...only a guess on my part. I think its nice that he is able to move on...he suffered for a long time. Life is too short.</p><p></p><p>I certainly will send Christmas cards and the idea of making a donation in her memory is very good and one! I will seriously consider it!!!! Thank you Shari (hugs)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 315497"] Fran, although I think you make many good points, I can't fully agree with all of it. I did totally make the decision to make the trip to visit my cousin because of my own personal reasons...what you said about my cousin and how I feel about her sums it up. I did NOT expect them to reciprocate...I did it 'cause we are family and cause I wanted to. It was not a quid pro quo. I made the choice because she was a close cousin, but I think of her entire family as 'my family." While visiting, while she was still alive, they made me feel as if I was 'her' family and an outsider. It was subtle, but yet there. Also, they made the choice to say that they would like to go to my son's wedding and no one showed up. This actually, didn't bother me nearly as much as greatly limiting communication. I do recall that when my own mother passed away in her 40s, I was able to recognize and understand the loss for others. I also don't fully "buy into" the notion that men see and feel things siginificantly differently than women and therefore they are for thee most part given a pass with- reference to social graces and the like. This seems a little like enabling to me. Granted, due to the sadness and certain dispositions, leeway is appropriate. But I don't agree that it should be a blanket slate/pass .....young males in grief don't have to do the same 'cause they are young and male and in grief. It is through our trials that we learn how to grow and certainly our behavior during these difficult times can reflect the underpinnings of our integrity. by the way, I also hope the husband has found someone to help him through his grief and from what I understand, he is considering an engagement. This is not an issue on my end...perhaps a distraction for him...only a guess on my part. I think its nice that he is able to move on...he suffered for a long time. Life is too short. I certainly will send Christmas cards and the idea of making a donation in her memory is very good and one! I will seriously consider it!!!! Thank you Shari (hugs) [/QUOTE]
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