Awol

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pasajes4, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My son is awol again. This makes 3 times in less than two weeks. He was emergency detained for 3 days before Christmas. He came home started raging again,circular arguments about money and how he should be able to be gone and not tell anyone where he is. He is fifteen, bipolar, generalized anxiety disorder, and borderline mr. I have exhausted all of my resources and other family members have had it. He was picked up in a stolen car the first time but not charged with anything. He refuses to go to school and if forced, he just walks out of the building and disappears.
     
  2. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh man, I bet you are worried sick. I feel your pain. Have you notified the police? I have been in this situation so many times and there is just no help keeping them safe unless you have money to send them to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or you get before a judge. Most juvenile judges will not tolerate running behavior because it is the ultimate in contolling behaviors and can be dangerous. Make sure you let the police know he has mental problems and a borderline I.Q. They will do more for you with this. Hang in there and keep us posted.
     
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry about all this. Have you thought about placement for him? I must be so hard on you to have to deal with this day in and day out. I'm glad they didn't press charges about the stolen car because "the system" can make things a whole lot worse. I don't know how you do it?
     
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    First, gosh, I am so sorry you are going through this. I would be worried sick.

    I had done a search recently to see what kinds of residential programs there are for kids with autism. It was part of some research I was doing telling people about a living program for adults with autism. Along with looking at those things, I found in that search lots of residential treatment facilities but only one said it specifically had a building for kids with cognitive disabiities too. (not autism specifically but at least they realized that some kids would not do well in a typical emotional/behavioral program) If you do go the route of asking for placement, which sure sounds like you might need to because he is so vulnerable, maybe if you do some research first to have suggestions based on is unique special needs, you could present those choices to the docs or judge or who ever is involved.

    I hope he comes home soon. will be thinking of you!
     
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The police have been working with me and we keep hitting brick walls. The state has cut 50 beds from the state facility and they r full. The courts have not been much help as he has not broken the law. I do not know where to turn anymore. He is being aided by another kid who is for all intent on his own. The min. I am not physically blocking the door he leaves.
     
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I have done searches for a facility and unless I have tos of money, I am out of luck.
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Would he break the doors/windows if you get a double key lock? there are key locks for windows too. They are ok because in case of fire you can still break the windows to get out. And add an alarm system (to the police) if that does happen? I had to add inside locks to my door. I rent but if it is an ADA accomdation you are allowed to do that. (and for you it would be, since he has a diagnosis). I realize some kids would just break things to get out but just a thought.
     
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am so sorry for that. So it is not against the law for him to run away at 15? I didn't know that. I suppose it is different everywhere. Do you have the option for case management through the Developmental Disabilities or Mental health divisions of your department of health and human services? Several of us have that and for some it is great, for others not so much. For Q it is wonderful. We are blessed and I wish his services for everyone. They can in some places help you get into places at county expense and not always related to income guidelines or insurance. He might be eligible for his own state insurance with a disability. It is frustrating to ask and get tons of doors slammed. But I guess we dont know unless we ask.
     
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    He will break the door down to get out or a window. He is 6'4 and solid muscle. MHMR has not been much help. Texas has some of the worst care for kids like him. MR says its a mental illness issue and mh says its a cognative issue. Translation good luck lady.
     
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I was afraid of that. Lots of kids out there who could be helped but we as a society let them fall thru the cracks. I wish the legislators could see clearly that it is a "pay now or pay much more later" situation. Whatever you do, we are here to listen and cyber-hold your hand.
     
  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I will not give up my search. I have to be able to say that I did everything I could.
     
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I say that too. I always say I never want to look back and feel like I didn't at least ask every question I could. Let us know if you get any news. I will pray for his safety. HUGS to you....
     
  13. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    There is one other option. It's a tough one, but then again this situation is not safe. You can take him to your youth services (or what ever they call the place that parents can drop their kids for a brief respite and refuse to take custody of him when they call you in. DCFS will swoop in and investigate an abandonment issue (interesting since they are the ones that told me to do ti in order to get help). They will find nothing you have done, and be forced to find a bed either in a mental health fascility or therapeutic placement. Our state hospitol has lost a bunch of beds as well. Some states offer a thing called a CHINS (child in need of services). Our church helped with some of the costs with our first residential placement. Almost 90% of the kids in the place got help from somewhere , they are just not affordable. The United Way has some programs as well. I can't say the system is any better but at least there is not the risk that he is out there in danger.

    Buddy, hardly any sate makes it an offense for running unless they are under court orders. Mine ran more than 20 times and was truent 35 out of 40 days of school inbetween RTCs. Nobody would help! The schools in most states have to handle their own truency issues in house. Overloaded courts and crappy MH services.
     
  14. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH wow, that is scary...so much of what I learn here is...and I know I could face some forms of some of these things at some time. A friend of mine with a daughter who was in Q's class on and off for 5 years was brought up on charges for educational neglect because her daughter would refuse to get on the bus. She was deathly afraid of men and if the aide or driver was a man then she would not go. There was meeting after meeting and one year went great because the school just demanded only females from transport. No one wrote it so the very school we are struggling with refused to honor that then complained when she would not go in. they also touched her and other things (she was much like Q but a girl and no cognitive delays) and she would flip out... But true, the girl herself did not get in any trouble. The mom finally was forced to file for home schooling but truth is she had no idea how to educate her daughter because she refused to work. (yet she tested at 8th to 12th grade levels on independent testing....you can't stop a gifted kid from learning!...that was in 7th grade) I shared an office with a social worker and they did the same thing...after so many days of late arrivals or no shows, without a dr. note that is..... they had to do an automatic referral to cps and press charges. It goes too far sometimes. no help or the wrong intervention.
     
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring support your way. Fortunately I have never been there done that but alot of CD family members have survived a runner. Most of the time the teen has turned to friends for shelter but in your case I wonder if he is able to socially connect with others. Certainly that makes his runs more frightening. Has he ever said where he has been when absent so you have some idea of his whereabouts? Hugs DDD
     
  16. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    ((HUGS)) I hope you are able to find him, and get him the help he needs very soon. I know how hard it is to find the help that is needed. We have Ins. and it is still very hard to get the services that our difficult child needs to get better. We finally just decided to pay out of pocket for out therapist, because it is a good fit for difficult child. I have no idea at this point HOW we will, but we are. Hang in there. (I know it seems so hard.) I will pray and send positive thoughts that he is found safe and you can get the help that is needed.
     
  17. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all the support. It is so nice to not be judged for the way a difficult child chooses to deal with life. he came back yesterday about 3:00. I called the police so that they could do a visual report on his return. The officer has been here before and is very familiar with my sons issues. The min. the officer opened his mouth to ask where he had been the lies and the circular arguments began.

    I called about a chins. I was told by the court that he would not qualify for one because of the program that he is currently in. The program is in name only and does nothing but hold the parent financially responsible for anything the kid does. We are about to go to court over trauncy issues. My son goes to school and then leaves while he is on their watch. I will still be held responsible for his absences.
     
  18. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ok-when you go to court-make sure you have a list,case numbers, and dates of all the runs etc. Beg for help! Make sure you state that you are worried for his safety! Ask the judge or commissioner for a residential placement. Let them know he is completely out of control-hangs with questionable people, etc. We asked that DCFS take temp custody so she could get into a state Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She eventually ended up in JJS custody because she ran from day-treatment. Then they put her in the residential/lock down part of this program. This is your best hope!
     
  19. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That is great advice exhausted, and if you have any records of medications, doctor diagnosis etc. I would bring that too.

    Is the program he is in ordered or can you opt out so you can do the chins?
     
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