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Substance Abuse
AZ MOM not standing down...how do i prove my adult child is doing drugs?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 579651" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>He is an adult. You are not a cop. Suspicion of drug use should count as far as you are concerned. For that matter, why is he staying at people's houses overnight with no notice, or at all? If he can stay overnight with someone, then he can live with them or find another couch to flop on. I know Hound Dog, who has been here a long time, told her adult kids that there would be no sleepovers. If you want a sleepover, move out. Your house, your rules.</p><p></p><p>If you truly want to be 'sure' beyond smelling his clothes and vehicle, his demeanor, etc..., order some drug tests. Do NOT NOT NOT EVER EVER EVER give him privacy to pee into a cup. Stand and actually watch what he does. No, it isn't 'fun', but MANY users will tape a baloon or rubber glove with clean urine into their crotch area, with a tube taped down so it looks like they are urinating. You also should be able to tell the urine is warm, not cold.</p><p></p><p>Not all substances show on all drug tests, often they are specific for a single drug or combo. You can find a wide variety on amazon, and also some at walmart or the local drug store or grocery. Be sure you understand the risks fo false positives and negatives. </p><p></p><p>I would simply tell him you don't have to prove it. He went to hang out with an addict and that is enough. It is not believable that he would go to spend time with her and not get high, though he wll lie about it like you won't believe. Mostly whatever he says about not using, you shouldn't believe.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE find an alanon type group you feel comfortable in, and a therapist to help you navigate this ordeal. Every. Single. Penny. of. Support. You. Provide. Allows. Him. to. Use. Whatever. Money. He. Makes. For. Drugs.</p><p></p><p>If you have to give him anything, give food, clothing, shoes, etc... but never with a receipt and never ever even a penny because all his cash goes to drugs/alcohol. Gift cards are a bad idea as htey are easily exchanged for money, as are electronics, ipods, etc...</p><p></p><p>He is using drugs. Who owns the car he drives? If you and/or his father own the title to the car or pay the insurance, STOP NOW. You have given him a deadly weapon to use while impaired. If it is in his name, you cannot do much except refuse to pay the ins and let the cops know when and where he goes in it. If you own it, take out the spark plug wires, and spark plugs so that he cannot drive it. If he hurts someone in an accident while he is impaired, it will be a drastic, possibly deadly, wakeup call. You could find yourself liable for his actions even though he is an adult. </p><p></p><p>Some states say that if someone leaves your home impaired, and you allow them to drive a vehicle, then YOU bear at least the financial liability. While I think it is totally messed up, it is the law in some places.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you have to cope with this. I really hope and pray that you do not have to fight to get him out of the home. It really does not sound like he intends to honor the contract, and I hope that consequences for infractions are clearly spelled out.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to our group, others will come along soon with more advice/info.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 579651, member: 1233"] He is an adult. You are not a cop. Suspicion of drug use should count as far as you are concerned. For that matter, why is he staying at people's houses overnight with no notice, or at all? If he can stay overnight with someone, then he can live with them or find another couch to flop on. I know Hound Dog, who has been here a long time, told her adult kids that there would be no sleepovers. If you want a sleepover, move out. Your house, your rules. If you truly want to be 'sure' beyond smelling his clothes and vehicle, his demeanor, etc..., order some drug tests. Do NOT NOT NOT EVER EVER EVER give him privacy to pee into a cup. Stand and actually watch what he does. No, it isn't 'fun', but MANY users will tape a baloon or rubber glove with clean urine into their crotch area, with a tube taped down so it looks like they are urinating. You also should be able to tell the urine is warm, not cold. Not all substances show on all drug tests, often they are specific for a single drug or combo. You can find a wide variety on amazon, and also some at walmart or the local drug store or grocery. Be sure you understand the risks fo false positives and negatives. I would simply tell him you don't have to prove it. He went to hang out with an addict and that is enough. It is not believable that he would go to spend time with her and not get high, though he wll lie about it like you won't believe. Mostly whatever he says about not using, you shouldn't believe. PLEASE find an alanon type group you feel comfortable in, and a therapist to help you navigate this ordeal. Every. Single. Penny. of. Support. You. Provide. Allows. Him. to. Use. Whatever. Money. He. Makes. For. Drugs. If you have to give him anything, give food, clothing, shoes, etc... but never with a receipt and never ever even a penny because all his cash goes to drugs/alcohol. Gift cards are a bad idea as htey are easily exchanged for money, as are electronics, ipods, etc... He is using drugs. Who owns the car he drives? If you and/or his father own the title to the car or pay the insurance, STOP NOW. You have given him a deadly weapon to use while impaired. If it is in his name, you cannot do much except refuse to pay the ins and let the cops know when and where he goes in it. If you own it, take out the spark plug wires, and spark plugs so that he cannot drive it. If he hurts someone in an accident while he is impaired, it will be a drastic, possibly deadly, wakeup call. You could find yourself liable for his actions even though he is an adult. Some states say that if someone leaves your home impaired, and you allow them to drive a vehicle, then YOU bear at least the financial liability. While I think it is totally messed up, it is the law in some places. I am sorry you have to cope with this. I really hope and pray that you do not have to fight to get him out of the home. It really does not sound like he intends to honor the contract, and I hope that consequences for infractions are clearly spelled out. Welcome to our group, others will come along soon with more advice/info. [/QUOTE]
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AZ MOM not standing down...how do i prove my adult child is doing drugs?
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