Baby step...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Anxworrier, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. Anxworrier

    Anxworrier New Member

    So I emailed our pediatrician about difficult child having a terrible time adjusting to middle school/7th grade. I told her that I think he has flown under the radar in earlier grades because Montessori is so flexible. But this year expectations are high and there is not as much flex with deadlines. Anyway eh is add for sure wont medicate, hates side effects. But I think difficult child may have add as we'll as being totally odd sometimes. Maybe the odd is his way of dealing or reacting to what is going on in his head. Anyway, she gave me the Vanderbilt questionnaire for me and for the teacher. So I filled mine out and school will do it by tomorrow so hopefully we can talk about medications soon. I know some people are against medications but what if they help him? I didn't think he would agree to take them in the past, but I think even he knows he needs help now. Tonight he has a chapter of math, 35 problems and a book review to do. I've reminded him three times now, but he is in his room playing, hanging out and I am sure has it started. Which means I will have to nag after dinner. It's like it is impossible for him to just freaking sit down at his desk and have the discipline to do his darn work! He knows its due tomorrow. It is end if quarter tomorrow. I cannot sit on I'm to make him do it and if I get negative or push he shuts down further. Argh! I do not. Know how I will get through the next six years thru graduation. I don't know how he will ever pass if he cannot do the work.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. You maybe open to a more intensive evaluation? If not, he may come back with ADD when more is going on. Just a suggestion.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with MWM. It might not be just ADD. An inability to focus is normal for kids with ADD, shutting down when pushed to do work isn't necessarily. It could be that he has other difficulties with academic skills that are not being addressed (because they haven't been tested) and the thought of doing work he "can't" do is too much. As kids grow older, school work becomes more "sophisticated" and many kids start struggling. My difficult child 1 did fine until about 7th grade. Then he stalled out. He's not capable of independent higher order thinking. With help and having everything explained more simply and broken down, he's doing much better. Yes, he required an IEP and those accommodations were included. Please have his academic skills thoroughly evaluated by the school. He very well might need help.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Can I join the chorus? There's two ways for "more" to be going on... either it's something other than ADD/ADHD, or it is ADD/ADHD plus other stuff.

    Either way, it is vital to know the whole picture. Grades 6/7/8 is when lots of kids "go off the rails", not because anything new is going on but because the demands are growing faster than they can keep up with. The sooner you can find out more details, the sooner he can get help. NOT getting the help they need, just compounds it, and mood disorders like anxiety and/or depression can be added to the mix - and really complicate things.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Totally agree ....and what choice but being oppositional is there really if he truly can't do the work without intensive support.
    Many of our kids do well with routine. It can be hard to initiate but well worth the effort. Maybe a written schedule that never varies ....come home, healthy snack, thirty minutes of homework, etc. If he has activities on given days then make separate schedules for each day (that's what we do ). If he happens not to have homework then read during that time so the routine is established.
    I hope you can get a neuropsychologist to evaluate for specific learning issues or any other issues that may be impacting him. Until you know it's hard to assume that he is only choosing to behave this way though our kids would at this age often would rather have us think they are in control and making choices than that they are "different " or need sp.ed. They can develop some coping skills and attitudes that sure make it seem that they are just being uncooperative. Sigh
  6. Anxworrier

    Anxworrier New Member

    Thx everyone! It sounds like you all favor testing, which I'm hoping school will agree to.if they do have a mtg with me to discuss it, I am going to say that it is vital we get to the bottom of this because his issues have and will continue to impact his success at school and I know if that is the case, school is required to help, right?
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    You need to put a request in writing to the principal AND special education director stating that you "want 'difficult child' to be thoroughly evaluated for possible special education services. This testing should include but not be limited to academic, psychological, emotional/behavioral, Occupational Therapist (OT), and Speech evaluations." SEND the request CERTIFIED MAIL with RETURN RECEIPT REQUESTED. This will start a federal timeline (that has consequences if not followed) in which they must do the testing you request. If they say they can't do it, tell them you want that in writing as well as the reasons for their denial to test.

    We are also recommending that you have difficult child evaluated by a Child Psychiatrist at the least and/or a neuropsychologist. Those results will add weight to your requests to the school for help. Without a "disability" of any kind to start with, they won't be as compelled to do anything.