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Substance Abuse
Back after many, many years..
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 633953" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>We cannot help someone who will not help themselves. </p><p></p><p>I know that is a simplistic statement, and we all have likely tossed it around all of our lives, about many situations, but don't breeze by it this time.</p><p></p><p>It's like plugging the holes in the dike---the dike that is springing holes as fast as we can plug them---with our 10 fingers, and then sitting and watching helplessly as another hole springs, and another, and another, and the water is seeping through in so many places.</p><p></p><p>We are held hostage by this because of our love. Slowly, slowly, we start to break away. It is so terribly hard to do. </p><p></p><p>The urge to survive is so strong in each of us. That is what ultimately will save you and me. We want to survive. </p><p></p><p>We start to see that attaching ourselves to our difficult children so tightly is literally destroying us. Literally destroying us. I repeat it because it is not drama to say that. It is the truth. </p><p></p><p>We want to live. And we deserve to live. We can't die for someone else. And we can't prevent them from dying, either figuratively or literally.</p><p></p><p>Our only true choice that makes any sense is to stop. </p><p></p><p>We have to learn how to stop and susiestar creates a good list of tools. Get a toolbox. Assemble your tools. These may be brand new tools or they may be tools you used a few times and then stored away. </p><p></p><p>Every single day, get out the toolbox and use two or three of the tools. Spend at least 30 minutes using your tools.</p><p></p><p>Little by little, you will start to feel better. You will start to change. It will feel so good that you will want more and more of it. In a crisis, and there will be more crises with difficult children, you will know to leave the toolbox wide open on the kitchen table. You will quit washing clothes and you will spend even more time using tools from the toolbox.</p><p></p><p>You will get back on level ground again, and you can go back to your usual patterns.</p><p></p><p>That is how it is for me in recovery. My own recovery, from enabling. It is worth the work.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 633953, member: 17542"] We cannot help someone who will not help themselves. I know that is a simplistic statement, and we all have likely tossed it around all of our lives, about many situations, but don't breeze by it this time. It's like plugging the holes in the dike---the dike that is springing holes as fast as we can plug them---with our 10 fingers, and then sitting and watching helplessly as another hole springs, and another, and another, and the water is seeping through in so many places. We are held hostage by this because of our love. Slowly, slowly, we start to break away. It is so terribly hard to do. The urge to survive is so strong in each of us. That is what ultimately will save you and me. We want to survive. We start to see that attaching ourselves to our difficult children so tightly is literally destroying us. Literally destroying us. I repeat it because it is not drama to say that. It is the truth. We want to live. And we deserve to live. We can't die for someone else. And we can't prevent them from dying, either figuratively or literally. Our only true choice that makes any sense is to stop. We have to learn how to stop and susiestar creates a good list of tools. Get a toolbox. Assemble your tools. These may be brand new tools or they may be tools you used a few times and then stored away. Every single day, get out the toolbox and use two or three of the tools. Spend at least 30 minutes using your tools. Little by little, you will start to feel better. You will start to change. It will feel so good that you will want more and more of it. In a crisis, and there will be more crises with difficult children, you will know to leave the toolbox wide open on the kitchen table. You will quit washing clothes and you will spend even more time using tools from the toolbox. You will get back on level ground again, and you can go back to your usual patterns. That is how it is for me in recovery. My own recovery, from enabling. It is worth the work. [/QUOTE]
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