back after years

[tammybackagain]

hi all was on here for years with difficult child he's grown on his own and doing well now. But I now have 4 grandkids. found out few months ago that one of the grandkids was in fostercare due to mother leaving him alone for week with 9 yr old older brother, he was 6 at time. well after fighting due to difficult child not being able to get custody due to not having room we fought and won custody. when we went to meeting found out he is ADHD, and possible ODD. so it all starts over, so far in month been teaching husband how to cope but it's driving me crazy, when difficult child was this age husband was at work most of the time but now he is disabled so he is seeing most of the behaviors some grandson does only when husband isn't around... any suggestions on how to quickly teach husband how to not engage, stick with punishments and not go overboard? Thanks

 

[HopeRemains]

Oh man. I wish I had some help for you, but I'm still trying to get all of that through husband's head after 6 years! I hope someone else has a good answer for you!

 

[recoveringenabler]

Tammy, welcome back, dubious as that may be for you. I am a grandparent raising a grandchild too, so my heart goes out to you. Below is a link you might offer your husband, it's a very good article on detachment. Perhaps he could attend some groups, Codependents anonymous? Here in Ca. groups are offered to help parents to move away from enabling our kids, lead by trained therapists who are knowledgeable in not engaging and how to do it. There is also NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness which offers groups for parents. It sure is a learning curve, it's taken me a long time to figure out how to set boundaries and keep them, so I don't know of any quick fixes, but, for me, groups really helped. Seeing and hearing other parents dealing with all the same issues was remarkably helpful and having the therapist point out our mistakes and give us new options was life changing. I wish you lots of luck and send big hugs...............


http://www.livestrong.com/article/14...ing-detachment

 

[tammybackagain]

thank you i'll try...

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh my! You are truly back at it again! Wiser this time around, for sure.
I am taking a 16 wk NAMI course right now, but not all of it is appropriate for my difficult child. And the part about interaction is easily 8 wks into it, so that's not exactly speedy. Hmm. Maybe a couple of therapy appts where you ask the therapist to script and coach?
Best of luck, and many hugs. This kid has no idea how lucky he is. (And that really ticks me off about his mom leaving him alone!)

 

[tammybackagain]

mom ticks me off to.. she has phone calls and supervised visits right now. trys to tell us what to do. told her I handled his father. and he is younger so I know what to do this time around

 

[TerryJ2]

Good. Hold your ground.