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Back Again...at wit's end
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<blockquote data-quote="P-nut2004" data-source="post: 590847" data-attributes="member: 11740"><p>Thank you all for responding. I'm going to try to answer all the questions but if I miss some let me know. First, SJ & LM are my bios, the other three are DHs bios, all live with us. The difficult children are all in counseling & I am trying to get respite care & in home therapy but Medicaid is covering less & less. As far as help there is little to none, my dad & my grandmother babysit for short periods but can't handle LM or MC having a meltdown. My bro is in the Army & about to be deployed again & husband has no fam. As for friends we have lost most of them due to being too busy to socialize.</p><p> In reference to the reasoning behind their issues; my girls went through several years of their real dad being abusive toward me in every way possible & generally just wanting them out of his way. I think LM has attachment disorder but P-Dr disagrees. This is probably the only place I'll ever admit this besides to my therapist but my ex made a regular habit of forcing intercourse on me, before LM I was pregnant & had a miscarriage due to abuse, I wanted nothing to do with him at that point but he gave me no choice. When I found out I was preg with LM (8 weeks after my miscarriage) I fell apart, I was sick the entire pregnancy, lost almost 40 lbs, & did not want to be pregnant, I tried as hard as I could to get past that & kept telling myself that once she was born I would feel different. She was 6 weeks early, weighed under 4lbs when she was born. I took good care of her but the emotion was not their automatically like it should have been, it took a lot of work over the first two years or so to get to where I should be with her emotionally. We now have an excellent bond, almost too extreme on her part tho as she cries whenever I leave, even for class on nights she knows I have to go & often cries at school that she wants me & wants to go home. LM won't really talk about 'when we lived with her real dad' but ik she started exhibiting behaviors after a really bad incident that she tried, at 4yrs old, to intervene in. SJ probably remembers much more of the abuse than LM as she is 3yrs older but will talk about it quite casually like it doesn't bother her. She claims not to remember him hitting her tho & it was a regular instigator between the two of us that he would go after her with a belt starting at about 2yrs old. </p><p>As for MC (& the PCs) their mom is worthless & has treated MC differently from day one, he was a fussy colicky baby & she wanted nothing to do with him so dad did everything, & has for all three for the most part. We have been lifelong friends so the kids grew up together & after both relationships ended around the same time we were there for each other & it became obvious pretty quickly that the feelings we had as teens were still there. He literally saved my life, I was at the end of my rope & he gave me hope, I did the same for him. </p><p>Unfortunately both of the exes do have visitation & it is horrible for the kids, ESP my girls. DHs ex lives with her parents & they take care of the kids to some degree but they don't even have beds there. The custody battle with them was long & very nasty & their bio mom drug them thru the dirt in the process. We got MC full time first bc she beat him with a frying pan but CPS just called that improper discipline not abuse :/. </p><p> My ex essentially bullied me into settling & allowing visitation bc of how the custody case was going & I couldn't prove he was a danger to the kids. He essentially just uses his custody & child support as a means of still having some control, rarely does anything with the girls, they're either with his parents or their older half sister watches them which scares the **** out of me bc she's only 14 & although she does well with LM she can't control her if she flips out. </p><p>The kids all call us mommy & daddy, they see us as being all one family & we treat things that way unless its impossible to in a given situation. We NEVER play the 'your kids vs my kids' card, EVER. And the kids know they are all on level ground at home but that doesn't change the fact that they still have to go to the respective bios every other weekend. That is the only time I get to sleep & I work the whole time, plus it's fairly common for LM or MC to have to be picked up or just not go at all. </p><p>I hope this answered everyone's questions & trust me it was not intentional to leave those details out, I just felt like my first post was ridiculously long already. </p><p>Oh just remembered another Q; I will not be going to work full time or even part time right after graduation bc I can't really work a steady schedule & no one wants to hire me bc of the kids, we have at least 2 appointments a week, usually more & I'm liable to get a call from school most days & have to intervene over the phone, go to the school or even just go pick them up if its a really bad day. I am going to try to find something I can do from home for now bc we need the money & I will now have about 14 grand in loans to start paying on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="P-nut2004, post: 590847, member: 11740"] Thank you all for responding. I'm going to try to answer all the questions but if I miss some let me know. First, SJ & LM are my bios, the other three are DHs bios, all live with us. The difficult children are all in counseling & I am trying to get respite care & in home therapy but Medicaid is covering less & less. As far as help there is little to none, my dad & my grandmother babysit for short periods but can't handle LM or MC having a meltdown. My bro is in the Army & about to be deployed again & husband has no fam. As for friends we have lost most of them due to being too busy to socialize. In reference to the reasoning behind their issues; my girls went through several years of their real dad being abusive toward me in every way possible & generally just wanting them out of his way. I think LM has attachment disorder but P-Dr disagrees. This is probably the only place I'll ever admit this besides to my therapist but my ex made a regular habit of forcing intercourse on me, before LM I was pregnant & had a miscarriage due to abuse, I wanted nothing to do with him at that point but he gave me no choice. When I found out I was preg with LM (8 weeks after my miscarriage) I fell apart, I was sick the entire pregnancy, lost almost 40 lbs, & did not want to be pregnant, I tried as hard as I could to get past that & kept telling myself that once she was born I would feel different. She was 6 weeks early, weighed under 4lbs when she was born. I took good care of her but the emotion was not their automatically like it should have been, it took a lot of work over the first two years or so to get to where I should be with her emotionally. We now have an excellent bond, almost too extreme on her part tho as she cries whenever I leave, even for class on nights she knows I have to go & often cries at school that she wants me & wants to go home. LM won't really talk about 'when we lived with her real dad' but ik she started exhibiting behaviors after a really bad incident that she tried, at 4yrs old, to intervene in. SJ probably remembers much more of the abuse than LM as she is 3yrs older but will talk about it quite casually like it doesn't bother her. She claims not to remember him hitting her tho & it was a regular instigator between the two of us that he would go after her with a belt starting at about 2yrs old. As for MC (& the PCs) their mom is worthless & has treated MC differently from day one, he was a fussy colicky baby & she wanted nothing to do with him so dad did everything, & has for all three for the most part. We have been lifelong friends so the kids grew up together & after both relationships ended around the same time we were there for each other & it became obvious pretty quickly that the feelings we had as teens were still there. He literally saved my life, I was at the end of my rope & he gave me hope, I did the same for him. Unfortunately both of the exes do have visitation & it is horrible for the kids, ESP my girls. DHs ex lives with her parents & they take care of the kids to some degree but they don't even have beds there. The custody battle with them was long & very nasty & their bio mom drug them thru the dirt in the process. We got MC full time first bc she beat him with a frying pan but CPS just called that improper discipline not abuse :/. My ex essentially bullied me into settling & allowing visitation bc of how the custody case was going & I couldn't prove he was a danger to the kids. He essentially just uses his custody & child support as a means of still having some control, rarely does anything with the girls, they're either with his parents or their older half sister watches them which scares the **** out of me bc she's only 14 & although she does well with LM she can't control her if she flips out. The kids all call us mommy & daddy, they see us as being all one family & we treat things that way unless its impossible to in a given situation. We NEVER play the 'your kids vs my kids' card, EVER. And the kids know they are all on level ground at home but that doesn't change the fact that they still have to go to the respective bios every other weekend. That is the only time I get to sleep & I work the whole time, plus it's fairly common for LM or MC to have to be picked up or just not go at all. I hope this answered everyone's questions & trust me it was not intentional to leave those details out, I just felt like my first post was ridiculously long already. Oh just remembered another Q; I will not be going to work full time or even part time right after graduation bc I can't really work a steady schedule & no one wants to hire me bc of the kids, we have at least 2 appointments a week, usually more & I'm liable to get a call from school most days & have to intervene over the phone, go to the school or even just go pick them up if its a really bad day. I am going to try to find something I can do from home for now bc we need the money & I will now have about 14 grand in loans to start paying on. [/QUOTE]
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