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Back again-difficult child stealing contemplating arrest Help
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 546542"><p>You've gotten good ideas here from people who have been there done that...Been There, Done That. And isn't it interesting how we would be outraged if we heard this story from someone else???? </p><p>I would consider NOT bailing him out of jail AND pressing charges. And if he should make his way out of jail anytime soon, , tell him that you would only consider helping out with certain things, i.e. food, etc. (whatever you might be paying for...whatever makes sense) if and only if he agrees to therapy: either individual therapy or drug tx ( at least one required) and possibly family therapy too. If he says "no," so be it, he's made his choice. (by the way, I would think any lawyer would suggest he go and a judge might require it).</p><p>Even if he wont participate in family therapy (unlikely) it might be a good idea for the rest of the family to go.</p><p>Also, you and your hubby might need to get to therapy. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything long term. But this is a horrendously difficult dilema and you are not on the same page. You likely need a professional to help you work it all out.</p><p>Would your husband consider reading any books? There is one called "Boundaries," by Cloud and Townsend that I think is good...but there are others. Explain to your husband that by helping too much and by letting you two as a couple be under constant stress and in debt, it is NOT helping him and clearly hurting you two as a couple. Your child is not a child anymore and needs to start making efforts to get healthier. Read the post about the Bridge and google information about detachment. Hang in there.</p><p></p><p></p><p>************ps I have lupus too. STRESS is so NOT good for us. in my humble opinion, you should set boundaries and limits with your son ASAP. Read whatever you can get your hands on re: detachment. Consider going to meetings of <em>Families Anonymous.</em> Wishing you well!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 546542"] You've gotten good ideas here from people who have been there done that...Been There, Done That. And isn't it interesting how we would be outraged if we heard this story from someone else???? I would consider NOT bailing him out of jail AND pressing charges. And if he should make his way out of jail anytime soon, , tell him that you would only consider helping out with certain things, i.e. food, etc. (whatever you might be paying for...whatever makes sense) if and only if he agrees to therapy: either individual therapy or drug tx ( at least one required) and possibly family therapy too. If he says "no," so be it, he's made his choice. (by the way, I would think any lawyer would suggest he go and a judge might require it). Even if he wont participate in family therapy (unlikely) it might be a good idea for the rest of the family to go. Also, you and your hubby might need to get to therapy. It doesn't necessarily have to be anything long term. But this is a horrendously difficult dilema and you are not on the same page. You likely need a professional to help you work it all out. Would your husband consider reading any books? There is one called "Boundaries," by Cloud and Townsend that I think is good...but there are others. Explain to your husband that by helping too much and by letting you two as a couple be under constant stress and in debt, it is NOT helping him and clearly hurting you two as a couple. Your child is not a child anymore and needs to start making efforts to get healthier. Read the post about the Bridge and google information about detachment. Hang in there. ************ps I have lupus too. STRESS is so NOT good for us. in my humble opinion, you should set boundaries and limits with your son ASAP. Read whatever you can get your hands on re: detachment. Consider going to meetings of [I]Families Anonymous.[/I] Wishing you well! [/QUOTE]
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