Back Again -entering the teen years

[Hardykccat]

Hi everyone,
I'm back again. The mom of Chris who the last time I wrote was getting expelled from his Special Education classroom at a public school almost weekly. We managed to finish off the year there just barely and the county finally intervened and sent him to a county school with just a really awesome teacher.

We have battled him at home with cursing, destroying furniture in his room (which we have no taken away from him and have taken the doors off his room), hiding poop covered underwear and pants in his closet, peeing in bottles in his closet, stealing change from our room, hiding knives (which are now locked up) and stealing razor blades from his older siblings house to cut himself. He smears blood on the wall and hides his cutting with long sleeve shirts and jackets even when it's hot outside.

Because he has an IEP and they just
keep pushing him forward we had a new school again this year. It's a core curriculum type school and it's not going well.

I have pretty much given up the idea he will go to college and at this point would just be happy if he learned how to count money and tell time. I want to just tell everyone at an upcoming IEP meeting to just find him a school that will teach him those things. Is that wrong? Is it giving up on my child?

It doesn't seem fair to his twin sibling that so much of our energy goes into one that she suffers.

Chris and his dad have no relationship at all. Chris has threatened his dad with his fist and yelled and cursed at him. My husband believes in spanking him. I don't and it has lead to some serious fights between us. I looking into family therapy.

Sorry this is so long. I'm tired. Tired of being the mediator, tired of the disrespect I get from both, just tired in general.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sorry things are so difficult right now. I can understand your frustration. It sounds right now like other things are more important than school for him. When my son was this age we didn't focus on the learning academic part of school but on the social aspects. It was more important at the time. Sending some gentle hugs your way.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Chris and his dad have no relationship at all. Chris has threatened his dad with his fist and yelled and cursed at him. My husband believes in spanking him. I don't and it has lead to some serious fights between us. I looking into family therapy.

No matter what you believe when they are little... spanking does NOT work once they hit tween/teen years.

I don't think you are giving up in looking for a school to teach basic skills. As long as they don't stuff him in a behavioral class - she needs something geared toward her primary diagnosis, which would be the Autism (it's a pervasive disorder, and most of the other diagnoses can be covered under that umbrella). She needs social skills training, help finding her own interests, etc.

 

[Copabanana]

I am unclear now, reading Insane's post whether you are posting about your son, which I assumed (and then got confused because you describe him below as high functioning) or your daughter.

In any event, you have a handful.

The name of the game is to get through each day. Whatever it is that helps...is the key.

You cannot write the end of the story, by the first few chapters.

Success will follow success. The key is to find the pivot to turn it around.

Is there a large City near where you live, that has a regional Childrens's Hospital or a University Teaching hospital?

I think you need expert Psychiatric and Neuropsychological help with diagnoses, if you do not already have them. The staff in either one of these settings will be crackerjack.

If he/she does not respond positively in the County classroom, think about advocating for a behavioral school. You may also want to look for disability advocates in your area. We got an attorney that helped us get a non-public school placement for 2 years. We got the same thing in another district. The school district has to pay for what your child needs. If a placement is not working another one must be found and paid for.

Even if it is out of County. I have said this before: the district paid for a taxi to take my son to the the next County, and back home, a 40 minute ride each way. My son loved it.

Let me end saying this: There are reasons your child is acting this way. If they can be identified they can be addressed

Do you have a sense of what has triggered these behaviors in your child? When did they start?

You have your hands full. Family therapy sounds like a good thing, to get you guys on the same page. You need support, not conflict.

Take care. Keep posting.