back again

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by devira, Jun 26, 2008.

  1. devira

    devira New Member

    I have not posted for a while, but I guess I have a need to vent somewhere safe. My difficult child is so out of control it is eating me up inside. He is only 7 afterall... His new thing is that "i am not his boss, therefore, he does not have to...) The real kicker is that usually it is something for him, ie - his baseball game, going to a park or pool etc. I read the explosive child, and it has a lot of good insight and ideas, but...

    I am convinced we are medicating him for ADHD which I think is an improper diagnosis, and the medication really does not stop the out of control, impulsive and immature behaviors that we are seeing. My Dr. asked me to tally his behaviors, I cannot even keep up with it.

    All I really want to do is stop him from destroying the house and things in the house, and to keep him safe. They way I feel right now, is the only way to do that is to put a dead bolt on his door and lock him in his room. (A bit much I know, but as I said I needed to vent)

    We are walking on pins and needles 24 hours a day for he does not sleep. Do not get me wrong, he would not hurt a fly intentionally, and believe it or not he is a sweetheart, as long as I leave him to do what he wants (which can be destructive when he is bored)

  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Penny, it's been a long time for us, but we have been there done that. Obviously, locking him in his room isn't the answer, as much as we all want to do that from time to time. Have you considered door and window alarms? It would at least give you some rest to know that he is in his room and staying put in his room.

    How long has it been since he was evaluated? It sounds like your doctor is at least being open to new ideas with the tracking that he has asked for. Keep the faith, and don't give up. It can get better. ;)
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are the expert on your child. If you really feel the diagnosis is wrong and the medications are bringing out the worse in him, then go ahead and push for more evaluations, tests, whatever it takes to rediagnos.

    I hope your next doctor appointment is soon.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi and Welcome Back!! It is good to have you back with us.

    I would do my best to keep up with the tally, maybe update it at bedtime, or after lunch or something. It will show the doctor in concrete terms that what you are doing medication wise is not working.

    Has anyone considered Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Since you know birthmom used drugs, it is highly possible she also drank. Many drug addicts drink esp when they need a fix. If difficult child has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), then he needs a whole different level of intervention and help and medication.

    It is also possible he oculd be bipolar. If you are wondering about this, read The Bipolar Child. It is an excellent book with lots of ideas for helping kids with bipolar.

    I have to say that from what I see here, and what I hear from other parents, most of us were first given an ADHD diagnosis, regardless of what else was going on. It seems to be where the docs want to start, even though the stimulants can be very harmful for a child with bipolar (it can makethem cycle, or just send them into mania, bigtime).

    PLEASE think long and hard if the doctor suggests any antidepressant medication, esp the SSRI/SNRI ones. medications like Prozac, zoloft, celexa, lexapro, effexor (the worst medication in the world, in my opinion - the side effects can be terrible and the withdrawal is like several months in he77 - I knowit works well for a number of people, but when it doesn't, man is it horrible. this is firsthand experience.) these medications can send a child into severe mood cycling, have serious side effects, and can have incredibly bad withdrawal. For some kids they are needed, but in my opinion they try them way too often in cases when they should start with mood stabilizers or other medications.

    As far as medication goes, there is a protocol for kids who MIGHT have bipolar, it calls for using moods stabilizers first, sometimes even 2 mood stabilizers are needed, then addressing things like hyperness, etc AFTER moods are stable. Many docs want to ignore this protocol, even though it is recommended by the board of psychiatrists (I forget the exact name of the groups, but someone here will know if you ask). It is a good thing to know, so you can ask the doctor why this medication and not that one.

    Use the Explosive Child, and maybe read Love and Logic Parenting (check it out at for other helpful ideas.

    Do you have a Parent Report? If you go to the FAQ/board Help section of the board, it will have a thread about this. It is a way to organize all the info you have on your child so that the docs can use it. I think it is very improtant to put a picture of your child on the front, and at the beginning of each section. This way the docs remember they are dealing with a child, and which child!

    Welcome back!
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child was a lot like that at that age. It is certainly wearing, isn't it? Others have given good advice. I would add that it is important you get some time to take care of you too. It could be a bubble bath, reading a good work, or taking a walk. Hugs.
  6. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    What medication is he taking for ADHD?
  7. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Glad you posted, welcome back.

    Medication can sometimes make other behaviors worse. Some of the rage you are seeing may be caused by it. Further evaluation could be helpful especially if you don't feel ADHD is the cause of his issues and from what you describe it sounds like there is more going on. He's seven and you ARE the boss of him. If he gives you a hard time about baseball or going to the pool don't take him. When my son was very destructive, just a few moths ago, we cleared his room of everything but his matress and bedding, even took off the door and closet doors because he liked to slam them. His room became a safe place where we could take him or he could run to when he became upset. After a month, we brought back his furniture and he is so happy to have his dresser and desk that he is much less destructive. The same went for toys. If he threw them, he lost them. When he started to notice that he had fewer things, it became more important to take care of them. There is still yelling and stomping but much less destruction.

    Good luck getting the information you need to best treat you son.
  8. jal

    jal Member

    What medication is he one? My difficult child cannot handle a stimulant to save his life. He has been treated for ADHD before the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis and every stimulant he explodes on. We just recently tried again since he has be stable on his current regime. Did not work, he exloded. When was he last evaluated?
  9. devira

    devira New Member

    Thank you everyone!!! He is on Vyvanse. When he was younger, the stimulant medications worked very well for him... I think... I partly wonder is that because he was so young, the behaviors we saw just seemed age appropriate and were easier to ignore... now they have escalated to dangerous, destructive and wreckless... I talked to Dr. about seeing manic in him, and the extemeness of his impulsivity... He is going to try a new line of medications, I will fund out next week what he meant by that... I am assuming we are leaving the realm of stimulant and entereing a whole new ball of wax. A little scary... But I will come back when I know what he wants to try and get some feedback.