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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 364822" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My guess is that difficult child is on more serious drugs than you know. I had a drug abuser daughter...she cleaned up. Actually, the best thing I ever did for her (in her words) was to stop making her life cushy and making her leave at eighteen. We had the option of sending her to another state with a very straight arrow brother though and she quickly reformed. It is hard to do that if you are still surrounded by your "friends." To this day, and daughter is almost 26 now, 6 years clean, she doesn't even like to visit us here for fear of running into "them." When daughter moved in with uber-strict brother, she had to clean the house, get a job (or get out) and she had no transportation. She quickly got a job at Subway and walked to work each day. She was lonely and had to make new friends (a Godsend as her old friends have all ended up in jail). She turned out to be very responsible.</p><p></p><p>If your son actually hurts his girlfriend, he will be in serious trouble. I have no great words of wisdom, but I do think that by 18 if he screws up with no intention of changing you need to give him a timeline...shape up or ship out. If he has nowhere to go, he'll find somewhere. You can give him a list of homeless shelters. Although it sounds coldhearted (even sending my daughter to her brother, I cried for three weeks) it is sometimes the only thing you can do to give them a wake up call. Making it easy and comfortable for them to get into trouble in my opinion is not the way to go. You can start attending NA Anonymous meetings...they are invaluable for real time help and support. Or you can see if there is a Tough Love chapter nearby (there was none for us). </p><p></p><p>I wish you luck, no matter what you decide and I'm sorry that you are going through this...trust me, I understand and send all my support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 364822, member: 1550"] My guess is that difficult child is on more serious drugs than you know. I had a drug abuser daughter...she cleaned up. Actually, the best thing I ever did for her (in her words) was to stop making her life cushy and making her leave at eighteen. We had the option of sending her to another state with a very straight arrow brother though and she quickly reformed. It is hard to do that if you are still surrounded by your "friends." To this day, and daughter is almost 26 now, 6 years clean, she doesn't even like to visit us here for fear of running into "them." When daughter moved in with uber-strict brother, she had to clean the house, get a job (or get out) and she had no transportation. She quickly got a job at Subway and walked to work each day. She was lonely and had to make new friends (a Godsend as her old friends have all ended up in jail). She turned out to be very responsible. If your son actually hurts his girlfriend, he will be in serious trouble. I have no great words of wisdom, but I do think that by 18 if he screws up with no intention of changing you need to give him a timeline...shape up or ship out. If he has nowhere to go, he'll find somewhere. You can give him a list of homeless shelters. Although it sounds coldhearted (even sending my daughter to her brother, I cried for three weeks) it is sometimes the only thing you can do to give them a wake up call. Making it easy and comfortable for them to get into trouble in my opinion is not the way to go. You can start attending NA Anonymous meetings...they are invaluable for real time help and support. Or you can see if there is a Tough Love chapter nearby (there was none for us). I wish you luck, no matter what you decide and I'm sorry that you are going through this...trust me, I understand and send all my support. [/QUOTE]
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