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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760989" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi there and welcome back, although I am so sorry you had to come back. I am also 68 and am done worrying about those who don't treat me well, even my own daughter. And I am much happier now.</p><p></p><p>Your son may or may not be selling drugs. Selling and using go together. Try not to worry. </p><p></p><p>AmI am heavily influenced by my now long association with Nar Anon, which resonates big time with me, and I have become VERY good at letting go and letting God. If you have a higher power to me letting go to God's care is brilliant. Why? We don't know what our addicts are doing. We never will know. So I pray for Kay that no matter what she is doing, God please watch over her. I have no control over her. God loves everyone and can look after her. This gives me great peace. I no longer try to figure out why, what, how....etc. I just give her to God and love her from a distance as she took herself out of our lives.</p><p></p><p>Another gem that helps me from Nar Anon are the three C's. We learn that we DID NOT Cause our child's addiction, we can NOT Control the addiction or anything else our child (or anybody but us do) and we have no way to Cure our child. Cause, Control, Cure. We are not guilty of the disease and we are powerless to fix it. Worrying does not make our kids do better. Learning all that they do is not very likely and doesn't help us or them. Only they can take action to get sober. Only they can turn it around.</p><p></p><p>Although each of us decides on our level of helping, or if we do help at all, our help often does the opposite and makes us abuse victims to our addict. They manipulate us with blame and anger, almost always unfair. We are not obligated to give them any money to support their lifestyle. When we finally stopped the Bank of Dad and Mom, Kay finally applied for and received SSDI, Food share and Medicare/Medicaid. She lives in a motorhome with her husband...they probably can qualify for Low Income Housing but I don't know if they have. But there is help out there beyond us. We can not live and support them forever. in my opinion if they are not doing well or trying to conform to society, it is best they learn how to live utilizing the system. The system will remain once we are gone</p><p></p><p>I am very sad that this forum has become very slow. I imagine there are now other social media groups. I do read here every few days. I try to answer. Seems only a few still do. Please take care if YOU. Maybe look into a Zoom online Nar Anon meeting. They are listed online. You don't even need to leave your house, and our group (Thursday night) includes people from across the country although it is supposedly based in one state. We welcome all. I feel Nar Anon changed my life. Look up Online Nar Anon Support Groups if interested.</p><p></p><p>Sending prayers and love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760989, member: 23706"] Hi there and welcome back, although I am so sorry you had to come back. I am also 68 and am done worrying about those who don't treat me well, even my own daughter. And I am much happier now. Your son may or may not be selling drugs. Selling and using go together. Try not to worry. AmI am heavily influenced by my now long association with Nar Anon, which resonates big time with me, and I have become VERY good at letting go and letting God. If you have a higher power to me letting go to God's care is brilliant. Why? We don't know what our addicts are doing. We never will know. So I pray for Kay that no matter what she is doing, God please watch over her. I have no control over her. God loves everyone and can look after her. This gives me great peace. I no longer try to figure out why, what, how....etc. I just give her to God and love her from a distance as she took herself out of our lives. Another gem that helps me from Nar Anon are the three C's. We learn that we DID NOT Cause our child's addiction, we can NOT Control the addiction or anything else our child (or anybody but us do) and we have no way to Cure our child. Cause, Control, Cure. We are not guilty of the disease and we are powerless to fix it. Worrying does not make our kids do better. Learning all that they do is not very likely and doesn't help us or them. Only they can take action to get sober. Only they can turn it around. Although each of us decides on our level of helping, or if we do help at all, our help often does the opposite and makes us abuse victims to our addict. They manipulate us with blame and anger, almost always unfair. We are not obligated to give them any money to support their lifestyle. When we finally stopped the Bank of Dad and Mom, Kay finally applied for and received SSDI, Food share and Medicare/Medicaid. She lives in a motorhome with her husband...they probably can qualify for Low Income Housing but I don't know if they have. But there is help out there beyond us. We can not live and support them forever. in my opinion if they are not doing well or trying to conform to society, it is best they learn how to live utilizing the system. The system will remain once we are gone I am very sad that this forum has become very slow. I imagine there are now other social media groups. I do read here every few days. I try to answer. Seems only a few still do. Please take care if YOU. Maybe look into a Zoom online Nar Anon meeting. They are listed online. You don't even need to leave your house, and our group (Thursday night) includes people from across the country although it is supposedly based in one state. We welcome all. I feel Nar Anon changed my life. Look up Online Nar Anon Support Groups if interested. Sending prayers and love. [/QUOTE]
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