Back from my travels!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    LMAO Before you think I was on the vacation that I desperately need let me say it was training program through work that lasted several weeks. :( BORING! Plus I found out while I was gone that we are moving and I will most likely lose my job due to a hiring freeze.

    Anyway I got back and immediately left again to take difficult child to tour the college she has picked. We drove down and spent the night then toured the next day. All was good until we had to mention money. difficult child apparently thinks we are going to pay for everything. She hasn't applied for any scholarships, she hasn't gotten a job, and she is spending all her time doing cheerleading. Heck her dad filled out her FAFSA and her state money forms. We spoke with the head guy in the veterinary department she wants to go through and he mentioned to us that it is very important that she have work experience with animals. It is a big deal for admissions to vet school after she is done with her starter program. After we left I mentioned in the car that she might want to consider finding a job with animals instead of just a normal job because it would look better when she applied for vet school. She immediately cut me off and said she couldn't get a job and that she couldn't go to school, cheer, and work. Instead of playing her games and fighting I said "ok" and shut my mouth. Who am I to tell her that eating is essential and that without a freaking job she wont be eating much.

    So after letting it go and not saying another word about it I decided I would wait outside while she and her dad finished the rest of the appointments. I mean why should I be there if all it does is cause her to get ******. It's not like she listens to my opinion anyway. Then I did something stupid. I checked her twitter to see what was up. She doesn't tell us anything unless she needs something and then she plays nice while we buy things for her but treats us like **** later. So occasionally I check her twitter to see if anything is going on. Thats when I saw it. She had posted a nasty comment about me. Basically she said "I can't work, go to college, cheer, and do an internship at the same **** time. Mom needs to just **** Off!" I WAS ******! I had just used 8 hours unpaid leave to take her on this **** tour and she tells me to **** off on a public page. I avoided her and didn't say a word about it to anyone until after she left to go home and her dad and I were heading the opposite direction. I showed her dad and he blew a freaking gasket. He was NOT happy considering he is giving her his education benefits so she can go to school and then she treats me like ****.

    He called her the next day after he had calmed down and let her know that if she did it again she would need to find a way to go to college without help. He pointed out that by treating me like **** she was also disrespecting him. For once he was there for the entire thing so he knew I had not said a single thing out of hand. He knew I hadn't done anything to deserve it and he was completely behind me. I was so relieved to see that he was supporting me because even though he has always been there he hasn't ever really been upset about it on my behalf (or atleast I didn't think he had the man is a steel trap with his emotions.) He even went so far as to call my father and let him know this was unacceptable and that we weren't kidding. He was not going to give her all his benefits and continue to be treated like ****. Of course my father was on her side and told him it wasn't a big deal and that he was making too much out of a teenage tweet.

    I didn't tell him that she then proceeded to tweet something like "You want me to grow up and be responsible but then you threaten to take my money because of a tweet. Real mature." Then of course she blocked me off twitter so she could talk about me without having to worry about me seeing it. Real mature right. LOL Instead of just not treating your mom like **** you block her and continue to talk smack!

    On another note I find the cheerleading thing hilarious since she has told everyone for years that I am forcing her to cheer. LOL
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Does she tweet from a phone that you pay for? If so, I'd suspend that phone ASAP.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    That's a nasty thing to do after you spent so much time with her. Is she a good enough student to be a vet? With her attitude, she's not on the right track. If a college tells you to work for a vet, then, if you can't get a job in a vet's office, you do some heavy volunteering at the humane society AND you work to make money and help pay your way. THat's if you really want it.

    I'd suspend her phone privileges too until she unblocked me. Until my kids are on their own, I get to see their social networks. They can change that by getting a job and paying themselves. I really don't check very often, but if I feel something is going on and I need to check, I do.
  4. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Suspend the phone immediately. Don't say a word, just do it. Daughter posted a couple unkind FB statuses about me and I blew a gasket. Actually, the entire family, including extended family, told her to delete them. She did and the last time, which was a couple of years ago, I told her she could her to get own darn phone plan and pay for it instead of getting the discount of being on ours. I finally did unfriend her because her drama, unrelated to me, was just too embarrassing for me to see. I would try to talk to her about it, but she would blow up and claim I didn't understand. Which, thinking back, is probably true. I don't understand it.

    Anyway, I'd be darned if I'm gonna pay for a phone that someone is going to use as a tool to trash me. Nuh uh!
  5. I would be furious if I were you. I'm glad husband was there to witness the entire thing and to call her on her behaviour. But then she went and did it again right after!? She obviously did not get the point.

    If she was going to block me I'd certainly consider getting rid of her phone too. Or suspending it until she unblocked you. She doesn't seem to understand that you don't OWE her anything beyond high school and before that all you owe her is food, clothing (not designer) and a mattress to sleep on. I know she is living with her grandparents right now so her basic needs are being met but that child needs to learn to show you some respect, even if she doesn't feel it.

    I feel for you with the grandparents. It is frustrating to have them undermine what you are trying to teach her. It will definitely take longer for her to learn because of their interference.
  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    I'll have to talk to her dad about the phone thing. She turns 18 in a few months and basically we are just trying to survive. Honestly I hate it all but I have to admit having her out of the house has drastically reduced the stress I was under. Now I just have to figure out how to completely detach. I have days where I just want to cry because we are missing so much of her life now.

    MWM she's not a great student she is a mediocre student. She wont accept help from anyone and has blocked every attempt I have ever made to get her tutoring or assistance. I gave up on that years ago.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just let it go. She is a brat and hopefully in a few years wont be so bratty. You cant always take the 'you are not going to treat me that way' stand. Sometimes that stance is only harmful and not helpful in any way. Just let the brat do her thing and learn life the best way she can.....natural consequences.

    She sounds like my difficult child.....parenting resistent. Ugh!