Back in jail

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sherril2000, Feb 11, 2015.

  1. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    My son just got arrested tonight. He's 18 now so he's going to jail. He just got out of juvenile detention just before Christmas. He did so well for the first month, then got violated on probation & everything went downhill after that. Charged tonight with possession of a concealed weapon, possession of marijuana, & obstruction of justice. It just breaks my heart that he put himself in this situation. I tried & tried & tried to talk to him to keep him out of trouble. I just have to keep reminding myself at least he's still alive, & he's probably safer in jail than out on the street.
     
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  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I have an 18 yr. old who is in juvenile prison due to probation violations. It is heart breaking. You are right. He probably is safer.
     
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  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry.

    Cedar
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Sherri.

    While your son is away, take this opportunity to put the focus on yourself, take care of you now, nurture yourself and do kind things for YOU. Things will come up with your son that you'll need to address, you'll need your strength and your well being to be intact.........by the time our kids land in jail, WE have been at this for a long time. You are likely exhausted and depleted.......make sure you fill yourself back up........find avenues of support......

    Sending warm wishes and a hug..........
     
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  5. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Thank you all so much! I will definitely admit to being exhausted. When he got out of detention in December I had such high hopes for him. He had been locked in detention for 13 months, & I thought he had changed for the better. He made so many promises to me that he didn't keep. It breaks my heart that he's in jail, but maybe this time he will finally understand he has to follow rules. I will try to take better care of myself, too. As moms we tend to take care of everyone else, & forget to take care of ourselves. I really appreciate the feedback from those who understand. I'm so glad I found this site.
     
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Oh Sherril2000, I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could say something to make this easier.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok...a guilty secret...I love to watch the Investigative Discovery Channel and (blush) on the weekends I watch "Lock Up" a real life show about real life people in jail and I did learn a few things from watching it.

    Never listen to what anyone promises in juvy or jail oa any safe, locked in situation. It's the getting out and living that is hard. They all make the same promises in there. Some have support. Some don't. But they all say the same thing about never coming back, etc. etc. etc. They are done, blah, blah, blah. Then after the episode they flash the outcome, in which you are madly cheering for the inmate to have turned his life around.

    Let's just say it usually doesn't last very long. Often it is as simple as just violating a simple parole rule.

    Wait until your adult child is out of jail and see what he does. Remember "Actions Speak Louder than Words." Words are meaningless. They are not active. They are passive. As Yoda said in Star Wars (another guilty secret love of mine) "Don't Try! Do! There is no try!"

    In the meantime, your son is pretty safe, off the streets, and I highly recommend you take some quality time to treat yourself like a queen and relax. You deserve it!!!! You EARNED it.

    I am so sorry for your situation, but do make the most of it.
     
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  8. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Thank you. Somehow I'm feeling guilty because I'm free & he's locked up. But my rational side knows he put himself in this situation. Yes it's time now to take time for myself & my daughter. I'm also going to find some Meetings to go to. I've got to learn how not to Enable
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't feel guilty. He broke the law. You didn't. If you did, you'd be in jail too.

    Most of us never see the inside of a jail.

    Please try to think of this as actually good for your son, and do spend some quality time with your precious little princess, as I call my daughter (and HER daughter). I need new acronyms for my kids.
     
  10. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Sadly, I have seen the inside of a jail cell. I spent 24 hours there when my ex took out charges on me for failure to comply with a custody agreement, because my son ran from & refused to visit him. My son actually lied to the police last night, giving them a false name & telling them he was a minor. Hence, the obstruction of justice charge. He tried to get me to go along with the lies, but I refused. I'm never letting anyone put me in the position to be prosecuted again.
     
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  11. SeaGenieTx

    SeaGenieTx Active Member

    I know how this feels to get the call "Mom, Im being arrested and going to jail". Its gut wrenching. And all the crap that follows.... bail bonds (if you are bailing him out), attorneys fees, court dates. My son has been arrested 3 times. I told him he must like jail and next time he is staying there and doing his time because I will not bail him out. Attorneys dont do anything but drain your bank account so let him sit there and do his time and think long and hard about life. Might not even phase him - he will get out and do same thing over again. Like you said at least he is alive and somewhat safe. So sorry you have to deal with this - please keep posting for support ok? This forum and people on here are sure helping me deal with my son and all the trauma he is putting me through. Hang in there - you will get thru this! My son was arrested 3 times for possession of marijuana under a gram. Last arrest I learned his license was suspended and he could have had an additional paraphenalia charge but his girlfriend said it was hers and took the fall. He is a mess and fixing to turn 23. I kicked him out 5 days ago after a screaming match... he has no money, no job and is couch surfing with friends. The fun never ends. All the while at work I have to listen to my coworkers brag about their kids graduating college and how proud they are. I cry myself to sleep at night, wake up and put on a fake smile to go to work.
     
  12. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry you're going through all this, too. I hear the very same things from my coworkers bragging about their kids & all their accomplishments, & it just makes me wonder why my son turned out like this. We are certainly not poor, & he's had love & support throughout his life. I really appreciate your kind words & the wisdom you've gained from your experience. The support I have received here helps tremendously!
     
  13. SeaGenieTx

    SeaGenieTx Active Member

    I know, I devoted my life to my son. I took him fishing, on trips, taught him to be kind to animals and women. We have talked about drugs and what it takes to make it in life. I mean Ive been a single mom with NO family or financial support other than myself...Ive worked hard to provide. I gave him my old Honda for free - he wrecked it. I taught him about credit - he stopped paying his cell phone and only credit card. His criminal actions have cost well over $10k (he drained a small inheritance having to use that money to pay court fines and attorneys). My kid has a screw loose -he just does not get it. At age 23 he is more immature than when he was at 16. I love him but sometimes just want to knock him in the head in hopes it will make his brain click and start functioning normally. I try talking to him and he gets agitated and says he doesnt want to hear it... he has no idea what good advice I can give him - he thinks I know nothing. Im street smart yet he wont take advantage of my wisdom - he has to learn everything the hard way by making the same mistakes.

    I dunno - we can only do so much. I wasnt like him at all at his age. I already had my own apt., car and full time job. He cant stay employed more than a month or two. He has no motivation to work and without a car now - all he does is bum rides from everyone. Who knows why or how our kids turned out like this - maybe some rogue genes from crazy ancestors got wired into them. I wonder if the doctor dropped my son on the head after he was born and didnt tell me about it.

    I know this has been a wakeup call for me that Ive got to detach and live my life for me and let go and let him live with his mistakes. He is 23 and last thing he needs is a helicopter mom hovering over him. I remember watching Kathy Bates in the movie Waterboy thinking "Gawd I hope Im not like that mom when my son is grown". I kinda am - Ive lived my life around my son and now its devistating. The investment didnt pay off - Ive been ripped off and robbed.

    Keep posting here and vent whenever you need to ok? We got your back and will help you get thru this. (((HUG)))
     
  14. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Hugs to you too. You sound like such a great mom, very devoted like I am. I have 4 kids & none of the others act like this one. Just like you said, he has to learn everything the hard way! Sad how our difficult children can put us through so much, but we still love them & only want the best for them!
     
  15. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    I know that none of this is funny but this made me snort-laugh!

    :staystrong:
     
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    Last edited: Feb 11, 2015
  16. himaintance

    himaintance New Member

     
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