Back in the saddle again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, May 5, 2016.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey everyone!

    For those of you who don't know me I will introduce myself. I am Janet, mom of three adult kids....youngest is my problem child though all of them have some issues. I have multiple mental and physical disabilities. My youngest son will turn 30 the end of July and I have been on this board since he was 12 and a half years old. Yeah, I'm ancient! This son has been diagnosed with numerous things including bipolar, personality disorder not otherwise specified and substance abuse. That's just a glimpse at me.

    I am going to attempt to bring everyone up to date on this thread but it will take me some time....probably have to make several posts to this thread to get everything.

    Back in Feb 2014, Tony and I moved out of the doublewide we own and let my oldest son and my youngest son rent it from us so we could rent a small place in town. I loved the year we lived alone but all good things end. I'm just gonna use my problem son's name...Cory. Cory ended up messing things up and he and his family had to leave my home. Oh I guess I should mention that Cory ended up going to TX in the spring of 13 for work but instead he ended up getting hooked on heroin. He came home early summer 2013 hooked on heroin and cocaine. Shocked me to death. I never dreamed that would happen. Because of his drug use we did make him leave our home but because he was the main caretaker for his toddler child we let him back but we left. I know it sounds odd but it could have worked. Anyway, in Feb 2015 Tony and I moved back to our doublewide. I have been miserable ever since we moved home. Basically bedridden. Of course, it doesn't help that I was in a car accident in Sept 2014. That just made all my problems worse.

    About 2 months after we moved back to the trailer, Cory broke in and stole some of my pain medications, about $500 from his dad and a few other small things. Oh we were mad! We basically broke off all contact with Cory. That was a bad summer. In Sept Cory broke in again and stole his father's change jar. I thought Tony was literally going to kill him. The cops wouldn't do anything because we didn't have the break in on tape. Or we couldn't force Cory to go down to the magistrate and admit his crimes. Ugh. Tony asked the cops if they wanted him to kill his son because they wouldn't do anything....and be aware Cory is on probation! They don't care.
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Okay, next part. Because of the timing of Cory's second break in, we refused to go to our youngest grandchild's birthday party. See, I was furious because we asked her mom if Cory had her car and she lied to us and said NO she was in Charlotte. 10 minutes later Cory passed us in her car! I called her a liar.

    Now in mid Oct 2015 we decided to meet up with my middle son, his wife and his two kids in VA Beach. Middle son and Tony love to fish. I was really sick at the time and just planned to rest in the motel room. Ha! As most folks know, my daughter in law is a real PITA. To make a long story short, she claimed to have a friend who lived there and we asked her to ask that friend where a good seafood buffet would be. She refused to ask. So instead we ended up driving two cars around looking for one that was open and appropriate. She was mad because she wanted to go for pizza for the kids. She wont even let my middle son cook fish in their house when he is the one working and paying for it! She doesn't work and says she is retired now that both kids are in school. I am baffled. Anyway, we finally found a place. Not too bad pricewise but kids were half priced which was much higher than ordering for them off the kids menu. Her kids are very picky too. Anyway, we had told them we would pay for everyone but the kids had to order off the kids menu. I mean it was a good kids menu too. She threw a fit. She looked at my middle son and told him he WOULD NOT be eating the buffet if the kids couldn't! Tony told her....what I wrote above. She continued her fit. My middle son got up, mad as hell, grabbed the kids and stormed out to his car. She sat there and said "I don't know what his problem is." I told her...lol. They left, Tony and I had a nice dinner. Tony told them the next morning that there would be no more dinner's out with us. From now on we will order pizza in or Tony will simply cook. He isn't going to do that again. Hell would have frozen over before Tony would have behaved that way in front of my parents.

    I'm a bit tired....think I will post more tomorrow.
     
  3. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Hey Janet!

    Welcome back!

    LucyJ
    xx
     
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    You have been thru a lot... Even with our struggles, I m healthy, and that is a blessing. I wish you were, too. KSM
     
  5. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Welcome back!

    Cedar
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry for all that drama, but so GLAD you are back.
    Please fo update more. Are you feeling better?
     
  7. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome back, Janet!

    Didn't you have a difficult Uncle Buck or Cousin Buck or something?

    Hope you are feeling better.

    I am anxiously awaiting the rest of the story....

    Apple
     
  8. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Janet!! So SORRY to see you here again, but yeah....HAPPY to see you again!

    My son turned to heroin, too. He just started serving a 5 year prison sentence. I reconnected here too after a long absence. Not that things were ever "great" or GFG31 was "cured" or "perfect" or whatever. But you know what I mean.

    You know I feel your pain! D@mn that Cory!! You are in my heart, ((((Janet))))

    Peace
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone! Ponygirl, I was hoping that was you! Okay more of my update.

    On the subject of Buck....well about the time we moved out of our trailer he moved back to SC. That is where most of Tony's family has lived since the early 70's. We got him on SSI and Tony's sister helped him get it transferred there and got him into public housing. Well that didn't last. He wore out his welcome with everyone there and sometime around the beginning of 2016 he showed up here again but we refused to let him even enter the house. He is living with some girl in this county but we don't have anything to do with him because he is back to being an addict. He will end up in trouble because he is attempting to get pain medications from both NC and SC.
    I have been in a whole lot of pain ever since the car accident but that also caused me to develop almost incapacitating anxiety. I freak out when cars and especially tractor trailers are near me on the road. Makes it hard to go anywhere. I was hit by a tractor trailer that was turning and didn't see me next to him. I was in a tiny old Toyota and he dragged me about 20 feet before he stopped.

    In October of 2015 I fired my pain management practice because they just ticked me off...lol. I hated being on very strong pain medications and they wouldn't listen to me. I did get a new family doctor who sent me to a new rheumy not that it did any good. Basically I found out I have diabetes, HBP, high cholesterol, and not much is doing any good for me. All doctor's have told me the only thing that may possibly help me is to have gastric bypass. So I have started the process but its long and I don't know if I will be approved. I also tried one of those epidural steroid shots in my back...never again. It hurt badly and I had maybe 6 hours of minimal relief. Next Wednesday I go for a wheelchair fitting at the local rehab. After that I plan on joining the local fitness center because they have a heated pool. I am down to minimal pain medications because the FDA is freaking out about people taking pain medications and benzo's. We shall see.

    Now back to Cory. In Feb he left NC and went to live with Jamie. The two of them decided his best chance at getting clean was to live with a cop...lol. Well he lasted 2.5 months. He is back here living with Mandy I guess. I have told him I am done with him, forget I exist. I have blocked him on the phone and FB. I don't think he knows my email. I hope he figures his life out but not my problem anymore.

    Now the most interesting thing. For most of the past 30 years I have not had anything to do with most of Tony's family. I liked his youngest brother and his wife but I could live without the rest. Well about 2 and a half months ago Tony and I decided to just go visit them for a weekend. My sis in law - youngest brothers wife - had gastric bypass about 3 years ago. Since I was being advised to get it I thought she would be a good one to talk to. Well we had a blast. However 7 weeks ago Tony's sisters youngest son went missing on a lake while he was fishing. Its very odd. His truck and boat trailer were still there, lots of fishing stuff was found like his life vest, his cell phone, buckets were found floating in the lake. The boat was supposed to be sink proof. DNR has searched and searched. We just cant figure it out.
     
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh...one last thing. When this nephew first went missing we all predicted they would find his body and the family would need to go down. I made the comment on facebook to Jamie and Cory that they needed to be prepared to come down to us and then the immediate family would go. I expected it to be Tony taking our truck and then Buck, Jamie and Cory. I said I didn't think wives, girlfriends and children needed to show up for this. I know I wouldn't want a circus around me if my son died. Plus these are not wealthy people and there is not a lot of room in their trailers. Only one has a doublewide! Well Jamie's wife got mad. Jamie was talking to youngest uncle and his wife started cussing about me. Uncle's wife is my biggest supporter and heard it all. She got on the phone and told her she wasn't welcome...lol. So as it stands, I am done with Jamie and his family too.

    Yes I am the absolutely the worst mother in law ever!
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Janet, I am sorry for all the heartache but very glad you are done with Buck . Yikes!

    While I can see a long estrangement with Corey, bet it won't last with Jamie. He's a good guy...just has a crummy.wife. it's no fun when sons marry blotches since usually the women control the children (and often the man). My sons who married both had mean wives, no matter how we tried. Bart is divorced (thankfully) but goneboy is still married and as long as he is, we will never speak again. He chooses to support her wanted estrangement. I think it's easier when daughters find someone, but, hey, not everyone has a daughter.
    Hope you can get that bypass surgery. I've seen it work well for many people.
     
  12. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Hi Janet!! It's so good to see you back!!!
     
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Janet,

    I am glad you are back too! I am new, in the past 13 months or so.

    I am not clear. Did they find the young man's body?
    I think this is the moral of the story. I may needlepoint a pillow with it.

    All of the nuttiness and drama seem to lie outside of your relationship. I cannot believe and I so admire your's and Tony's ability to stay centered and grounded despite the chaos. I know it may not feel that way to you, but acceptance and humanity radiate from your posts. I do hope you stay awhile this time and mentor the rest of us.
    Me too. I used to be the most confident of drivers in any and all conditions. Now I am restricted to my small city and become immobilized near semi trucks (numerous around here), on bridges and freeways. I can barely handle state highways.
    I am so glad. Everyone of us needs bdies. Bless Uncle's wife, too.

    Are you going to go ahead with the bypass?

    Again, welcome back. Like says Swot, Jamie's wife takes the cake. I can see how you and Tony came to the decisions about taking control over the drama and where it occurs. Cory will deal with his own life as he can and chooses to. Sad nonetheless but such is happening everywhere we look.
     
  14. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Janet, It is wonderful to have you back amongst us. You have been missed. I am sorry that you have had so much drama to deal with on top of trying to recover from your accident.
     
  15. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am sorry, Janet, I forgot to mention your accident. There has been so much!
     
  16. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi Janet, thanks for the update. You sure have been through a lot!
    I hope you are able to get the bypass. I know a couple of people who have had it done and it helped them so much. One was able to get off all high blood pressure medications.

    You could sell your story to Lifetime movies! One thing for sure, you have never had a dull moment.

    Wishing you well and hope your pain is more manageable.
     
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hey, Janet!

    Good to see you again!
     
  18. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Janet, what a time you have had. Was just thinking of our get together in Cleveland a few years back. It was fun. I'm sorry for all your troubles this past year and a half. I have an acquaintance who had gastric bypass, she is doing well. And of course you know that weatherman, can;t remember his name now, that had it and he looks and feels great. You have to change your eating lifestyle though or it won't last. You can do it. You will feel so much better.

    I know we have talked about this a lot over the years. It's time you and Tony stop doing for your kids and do for yourselves. Take care of you, that is most important.

    So glad you are back.
     
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Hi Janet, Good to see you! What a mess with that daughter in law, she's been like that since day one. How's oldest, still there, or is it just Tony and you by yourselves? Glad you're back.
     
  20. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Janet. It is so good to have you back. You certainly have had a rough time.

    ~Kathy
     
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