Back once again

[Astrid]

Hi everyone,
I've been a member of this board for about three years or so, but rarely post and haven't been reading in a long while either. I'm a little pushed away by the term "conduct disorder" and the way children with diagnoses that are very different from CD (which is in fact a specific behavior disorder) are written about as if there is no difference. At least, that's how it sometimes felt when I was still active. But tha tmay be, I'm a difficult child adult not a parent, and I didn't have a diagnosis at the time and feared being put into the box of CD/ODD even though I believed this was incorrect.

If I read wha tmy old sig said, it must've been aroudn February 2007 that I last posted here. I was in an independent living training home at the time and in the mental health system to be diagnosed for my GFGness. I was diagnosed with a form of autism in March of 2007 and started in some treatmetn services (outpatient).

I moved to another city called Nijmegen, Netherlands (I am from the Netherlands) by 08/2007. I wasn't sure I coudl live independdently, but it was said to be my only option as supported livign didn't exist. So I went there and started at university majoring in linguistics. Unfortunately I started having severe meltdowns (I've always had meltdowns to some degree) and was constantly overloaded. I ended up in a crisis where I became suicidal and was in constant meltdown by late October, and was consequently hospitalized psychiatrically 11/02/2007.

My autism records had been lost when I moved, so I had to be diagnosed all over again. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome in Dec by a psychologist who works with the local autism team (he doesn't work for inpatient place, I have a doctor who is clueless about autism here). By chance, today I finally had access to the full version of my newest treatment plan as opposed to only the team members' notes, and there was a DSM classification in there. I was surprised to find out that someone had labeled me with impulse controld isorder not otherwise specified sometime. I have no idea when I was labeled (well, sometime within my hospital stay) and by whom cause no-one informed me. I find it a little confusing as I don't know how whoever diagnosed me decided I have this, and it's pretty complicated to distinguish between problem behaviors resulting from overload or communication problems or another autistic trait and problem behaviors that are truly impulsive (which I do have as well) - too complicated for clueless doctor to do, and it does matter since simple behavior modification will not work. Okay, only last Monday I was saying that I was worried that they'd decided I was a behaviorally disturbed person and needed to be put into a behavior modification program (I've had time-out as a consequence, but it's not so much the time-out room per se that's punishing me but the "we dont'care about your feelings as long as you behave" attitude that goes along with it, and that attitude continues even though I can't be put into time-out anymore). OH well, maybe I'm just a defensive stupid difficult child who thinks she can manipulate everyone.

In any case, my doctor says I'm stable and claism every problem that I experinece (worries, sleep problems, etc.) is due to stress and will go away when I'm in new placement (I won't go back to live independently anymore), but this might take years due to waiting lists. I am currently on a closed admission ward, but may be moved to an open resocialization ward, which is a place where you'll learn to go back into society after having been hospitalized for a long time. I'm not sure about this but will see.

 

[Fran]

Hi Astrid, it is nice to see you again. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with independence. My son is 23yrs old and is struggling also. He is in a program that tries to transition young adult to less restrictive environment with a sense of belonging to the community

I know how frustrating it is to find out someone labeled you and didn't have the courtesy to discuss it with you. It's as if you don't need to know. It's nonsense of course. It's your records and your life. You should know what sorts of things are being discussed.

I hope your resocialization goes smoothly and you have another opportunity to have as full a life as you want.

 

[tryinghard]

I just wanted to say HI. Welcome back!

 

[Marguerite]

Hi, Astrid. You're only 21? Don't give up on yourself or think this is as good as you can be - from what I've seen, with our older son as well as older friends of his and difficult child 3's drama classmates, you can continue to adapt and 'improve' (don't like using that word, but I'm too tired to think of the right one) a lot more yet.

I've learned to ignore the calendar, when it comes to "He should be able to do that by now, at his age." I've seen difficult child 1 improve a lot over the last few years. easy child 2/difficult child 2 is only just 21 and still 'immature' in various ways, still needs to 'grow up' and learn more skills in getting on with other people, and living independently. But even in the last few weeks I see improvement.

It just takes a bit longer, when you're on the autism spectrum.

I'm not (officially) on the spectrum myself; when I stop to really think about it the most that could be said is that I maybe have traits, that's all. But even in my case, I was not a complete person, not a properly functioning and capable adult, until I was almost 30. I had a few crises to deal with (health, mostly) and I just wasn't up to it when I was younger. I was living on my own from age 17, frankly I'm lucky I survived the experience!

So give yourself time, be positive about what you CAN do, take pleasure in your abilities and accept what you can't do as no big deal. Maybe one day you will be able to do more; maybe not. Maybe one day you will discover depths and abilities in yourself that have still not developed.

Something I have seen in difficult child 1 - as he gets more accustomed to a situation or an experience (such as when he repeats the experience or gets practice at something) he begins to gain more confidence in it until he is not only capable of performing a task which used to be beyond him, but he becomes quite good at it. He is meticulous in doing a job to the last tiny detail, so he's trying to use that to his advantage by working on things that require attention to detail in a boring environment. It's the sort of thing other people don't do so well in, but it suits him perfectly.

I hope you get your accommodation problems sorted out soon.

Marg

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hi Astrid,

I remember you! I'm glad you came back and updated us on what is going on with you.

I hope that the resocialization plan is something that gives you a chance to experience life to the fullest possible. It's tough to find out that you were diagnosis'd without anyone letting you know. But the most important thing is that you work hard to move forward. A diagnosis is a good thing to have, but it does not define who you are.

Good luck.

Sharon

 

[Astrid]

Thanks everyone for writing. As for the reso ward, I don't particularly like it. You know, I've been in blindness rheab 08/2005-12/2005, then independent living training 01/2006-08/2007 and now do I need more training? A few months ago my treatment team wanted to ge me into a training home specifically for autistics, but I successfully convinced the social worker who is in charg eof my placement and that place's psychologist that more training in practical daily living skills would not make sense (I already have hte practical skills) and they concluded that due to my executive functioning deficits it would be unlikely that practical skills trainign would get me to live independently. Now I worry that they've ignored htis whole thing again - and another thing is, reso is not specifically for autistics so I'm going tohave to deal with the "you don't belogn here, you dont'ahve a mental illness yu have a behavior disorder" nonsense that I was repeatedly told on admission ward again. Still, on Friday I refused an offer Occupational Therapist (OT) be moved to the open admission ward because that would be all the more change, so I guess I jus thave to deal with it.