Bad Day.. And its not even over yet... Also should kids have simple chores?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Confused, May 25, 2015.

  1. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Woke up and tried to help gpa for breakfast.. "he refused to eat and told me go home go to bed" Then I will get put down by the neighborhood watch again because they will be upset I didnt feed him even if he "supposedly" ( yes supposedly refused because they still say force him to eat or I just really didnt offer or my food sucks anyway)

    Home, son woke up great mood, we laughed cooked that was short lived, fought with sister, then he threw tantrum because my dad couldnt handle or afford to take him to the store and my dad left without him. He finally calmed down and we played a game.

    The kids dogs came in and werent in 30 seconds and peed all over the tile. Guess who had to clean it..again? ME!!!!! I know you all said they are kids when you get a pet kids get bored and quit caring for it. No excuses when they can clean the pee and poo, walk and play with other animals at the shelter but not their own? I dont force them to volunteer they chose too and basically quit when I said they need to clean their dogs first! Of course I knew id be helping but they cant even do half the work? They can feed strange dogs and cats that come to the house but not their own!!!!!! So I had to clean the dog pee and im sorry I do this daily, add sons encropresis( pooping in pants weekly, daily usually that I have to clean and smells like a skunk or worse) Dogs were potty trained mostly but kids again cant let them out, and had to spray yard so dogs dont like going in kennel outside but come in to do it!!! So yes I raised my vioce and told the kids those dogs arent coming back in the house at all, they have shelter outside and thats that. I dont believe in that I dont but at this point, keeping the house clean is first priority and cant do that when we cant walk in something. Worse comes to worse we get rid of the animals. I dont believe in that either tho.

    Daughter got mad and said a few choice things as did son and I said " doors open to the front, shall I call someone for you?" Ya It was wrong but Im so tired of being so mean because I want my kids to shower, study, eat healthy, have some fun and go out with friends, lesson time on the computer, and have them help around a little.And they got mad about that and mad I was mad about this. My kids come first but they are not babies and can be really smart kids, I know for a fact they can handle ( esp daughter) what is asked of them, I have seen them do this before! My kids are not so disabled, they are very capable of helping around the house. They used a carpet cleaner,( they thought it looked fun and made designs in the carpet) both kids have painted the walls, they both have mopped, they both have changed light bulbs and used a microwave, they both have watered and raked a lawn, done laundry,cleaned their toys, the cars outside( their excuse to get wet), cleaned windows although I dont like them using Windex its too harsh for the kids to breath- and me- so they use other stuff last time) etc!!! Honestly lets see:

    Once a week each: Does a load of dishes
    : Help clean up their own room when needed( at the least )
    : Vacuum ( their dogs fur spreads- its only fair)
    : Help set the table OR cook
    : If they made a mess outside with toys etc clean them up

    Daily : H.Work
    : Bath(sensory issues at least reg bath 3 times week,sponge baths in between)?
    : Empty their plates and bring to kitch OR just bring to kitchen Ill take that!
    : To get fresh air, respect ( attempting respect) , eat healthy

    This is the basic things, I have seen kids who are really having trouble both mentally and physically( I know there's worse kids out there then mine and those strong ones are giving it all they got!!!) but still can do these things! Oh dont forget go to bed at certain time hahah and pills.

    Sister: her life... she needs to get on her feet having issues....

    I probably could be on here for a couple more hrs complaining!!!!!!! I wont!!!!!! Ugghhh It just scares me, how will my kids make it on their own in the future? I dont even give them big chores like the other kids they know, the other kids think Im such a cool mom because they have more to do then mine some are younger!!!! I want my kids to be kids and not worry about the adult stuff for a long time, but at the same time a little responsibility doesn't hurt( I had so much more to do then them, besides my pets and room, I had most of the house( not laundry unless I chose to and I didnt really!)

    Thanks for letting me vent and Im in a stressed mood so Im hungry!!!!!!!! Lol Guess its time to make the apple pie and brownies! Along with chicken, peas and mashed potatoes n gravy for dinner! An ice cream shake would be great along with a chile reno!!!!!!
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Stress and hunger are NOT a good mix. :D

    I gave up directly "assigning" chores. I came up with a list of "all the things I do"... and its a LONG list. Then asked the kids to pick three or four (some are really small) to look after for a month. Unload dishwasher whenever it shows as having clean dishes. (yes, you have to be observant... duh!). Fold a load of laundry. Sweep floors. Vacuum. Dust. Weeding (yes, everyone's favorite... NOT!). Cut lawn. Trim lawn. Water lawn (almost brainless, we have a sprinkler system, but you do have to switch which sections are being watered).

    Does it work? Well... I get close for K2 and not so close for K1.
     
  3. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Yup not a good mix!

    I did let my kids pick and they even had the dogs mixed in and this is my basic as well. ..but there was a couple more chores I quit making them do( laundry for one, son was only interested for a short)

    I guess almost half way is better then nothing! But sorry K1 didnt come close.
     
  4. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Is there a way for you to make a little time for self appreciation, Confused? It isn't that we aren't doing everything really well, it's that there are no guideposts to see it. The kids are never going to give you an "attaboy" or appreciate the hard things you are teaching them. Part of being the mom is meeting everyone else's needs for every single thing that comes up and not even hearing a "Thanks, Mom! Now I see what you meant." So, because we all need appreciation for what we have accomplished, and because you're the mom and no one is ever going to compliment or notice one single thing you do unless you haven't done it, you will feel so much better about everything if you can find some way to provide those things for yourself.

    This is my suggestion: Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack. One to two page writings to read every day or whenever we get to it or need it, about gratitude, and about being a woman, and about time and marking time and appreciating our time we are in.

    We did not have that book when my kids were little, but most of the moms were home then. So we could vent, and complain about our husbands and our mistakes and the crappy dinner we made last night. By the time my daughter had her children, everything was so different. The mother role had fallen into disrepute. But all the things a mom does still had to be done. And they usually got done by the mom who was also working.

    You have reason to be stressed. Executives do not deal with the stress you do. They have vacations and they get to dress up and take a break once in awhile.

    Not to mention the money.

    And everyone thinks they are important and so do they.

    You don't get to do that.

    When I got my first part time job? I was just so pleased to be out there in the world again, wearing actual clothing that I chose instead of whatever was clean. I was so happy about it I could hardly believe they gave me money, too.

    :O)

    Being the mom is stressful. No one says thanks, no one gives us a paycheck so we can at least see something for all that work we have done. No one says we look nice today, no one gives us the right to a sick day or a promotion. At my house? No one ever liked their dinner, and they thought I packed crummy lunches compared to the other moms who would actually pack things like Twinkies. For which my kids would trade their healthy dessert stuff that I made just for them. Plus, they said they had a bad lunch rep because dessert is not supposed to have things like carrots or nuts in it.

    And then there was the mom who could cook with carob. So her kids never knew their lunches were healthy. And they had good lunch room reps.

    Roar!

    And no matter how much I cleaned or whatever thing I did, it all had to be done again the next day.

    That is why I liked to paint walls. That lasted. Mowing grass. That lasted more than one day. Planting things. That lasted more than one day.

    No one appreciates the mom.

    I think if you can make a time for yourself with a soak in the tub, or with a special bedtime ritual, or just by taking a moment in the morning to look into the mirror and appreciate how well you are accomplishing the monumental, neverending, forever non-appreciated thing it is to raise children and run a home and take care of family and prepare for your career ~ whew.

    You are doing it all, Confused.

    And you are doing it well, or you would not be so conscientious about trying to do the impossible, better.

    That's the other thing about being the mom. We are our own worst bosses. We are like bad masters, beating their horses half to death without feeding or resting them properly. Thoroughbreds do not win the Derby or the Preakness or the Belmont Stakes without adequate exercise, nutrition, and rest. Someone grooms them, and whispers in their ears how wonderful they are and tells them they are winners.

    You need to do that for yourself too, Confused.

    Being the mom was way harder than working, or taking that degree with honors, or being the supervising nurse. All that stuff was just what I did, and there was a time limit, an end point, for all of it. But boy, the second I walked in the house, all bets were off.

    Whatever was happening, I had to deal with it pleasantly, and efficiently and remembering, the whole freaking time, that I did not want to create life long emotional scars in my children whether I especially liked them that day or not.

    Man, it was tough.

    I think I could not be a mom, now. I just don't have the energy or the patience, anymore.

    I am barely a good grandma.

    True.

    Cedar
     
  5. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Thank you Scent. I also think your doing great at being a mom and grandma , and internet friend to all here, and you have lots of wisdom! Also I agree about the lawn and paint! Lasts more then one day! I dont expect my kids to say thank you( its nice when they do though) I just want them to function, be able to do things and help a little! Or, if they cant help at least keep ALL their stuff in their room and clean their own room! Well, daughter does keep her stuff in her room already. You talking about your job you got after a while I so want that to! And the the money , well need that! Im happy for you and bet that day you got that job was amazing for you! I started looking again so we will see what I come up with. I am scared to try fast food places because I been ragged on about my skills, I know Im not great, its edible! A few times I thought I had a keeper dish!

    Im so uggh with things here. I know what I want its just getting there at super speed( really needed at super- speed) I don't know, so much to figure out getting everyone on board and agreeing. The old me kept my mouth shut when it came to family and neighbors ( not so much ex boyfriends and ex husband lol, I nagged) and I now am just saying my piece of mind! See I dont like that part of me now, of course, holding it in before wasnt good either, but letting lose after so much isnt me either. Yes, with gpa and some neighbors I just am tired of being blamed for things or having to relieve an issue that I thought would never happen again. Told them they just cant except being wrong or taking the blame for anything, they can be heard out but I cant!!! They didnt want to hear that and made me leave! So yes, I should of inserted foot in mouth because as you all said before, even if Im actually right, TO THEM, Ill NEVER be right no matter what! We can do the exact same thing, and IM still the one who is wrong to them! No matter what I say it doesnt matter to them either, I get that.

    Anyways its one of those days but got my sons mind on something else so hes cool for now!!!!!!!

    (Ok well, Ill catch up to as many threads as I can tonight. )
     
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