bad day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Oct 24, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    So, I need to vent and came here it's been a bad day today.

    difficult child didn't sleep last night, it was a rough night for her. I dropped off script to be filled a few days ago, seroquel 25mg. yet pharmacy didn't have it in. I did find new therapist finally for her, so it starts next week.

    Then I had another issue I was handling on the phone while trying to keep my eyes open this morning. At the same time I was trying to get on email with my older daughter's school, apparentley she isn't doing that well again in two classes, shes' failing them actually just like last year. (we have done summer school 2 years in a row)

    Than I get the call from a frantic teacher. My oldest daughter's teacher with whom has had issue with my daughter before. She's ranting and raving on the phone, not making any sense. Inbetween her i get another call from my daughter hysterical crying. I've already dealt with 3 teacher's this week, her guidance counselor. So, as the story goes according to the teacher she was supposed to go to 10th period (it's an extra help period) to take a test she had missed with this teacher. She showed up at the class 5 min. before it started and was in the hallway with her boyfriend and two other friends hanging out.

    The teacher with whom is not very crazy about my daughter since the last thing that happened told her to get into class, whereas my daughter stated that she was waiting for her friend and would be in the class in a minute. The teacher than turned around and repeated to my daughter again get in the class now.

    my daughter than walked into the class (according to the teacher) mumbling under her breath while her friends in the hallway laughed at the teacher for acting so emotional. So the teacher turned around gave her a 0 told her she will not be taking this test she has failed it. My daughter according to the teacher said thats b*llsh*t. Well you can imagine where it went from there.

    My daughter walked out of the class where she stated right away that's it i've had enough i'm calling my mom. The teacher than yelled into the hallway you shut up or i'm going to call security. (she stated that my daughter and her friends were cursing in the hallway). So, she got written up, my daughter also told the teacher make sure you write on your thing how I did absolutely nothing wrong.

    So, I tried to be calm with the teacher when she called I told her that she had to take a deep breath and try to explain to me because she wasn't making any sense. I've dealt with this teacher before. She over exaggerated the last incident.

    I now have to meet with the dean of students and the teacher first, than bring my daughter into the meeting as well. I'm just not sure how to play this one. Usually I know how this time I don't. I'll be honest she has been very disrespectful at home with me very much so the past mos. or so now. She has been caught lying about her whereabouts on occassion, so I don't put it past her being nasty to a teacher at this point.

    Yet on the flip side the teacher is highly emotional and does blow up situations. I mean calling security like my daughter was threatening her in some physical way?? sheesh

    Now it's on her permanent record, and she isn't allowed into the class until this meeting occurs.

    teenagers are rough.
  2. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Jennifer-I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation. However, it seems the teacher is blowing up the event because your child is a difficult child. That seems to be happening a lot this week! If it is possible to get to the dean with-o the teacher present then I might suggest that it really had nothing to do with the test and she be allowed to take the test. She might also be asked to write an apology to the teacher or do some "service" for her like clean her teaching room or wash blackboards or something.

    Disrespect should not be tolerated and of course "if she is allowed then every one is" coming from the teacher's perspective I get that. But that really had nothing to do with the test and it wasn't like she skipped the class or ripped the test up and said "F*** this!" So I think some other punishment/consequence should be shelled out.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yuck Jennifer! I hope you can get to the bottom of what truly happened. Just what you need going into the weekend. (((Hugs)))
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    So, it sounds like your daughter disrespected the teacher and the teacher responded very unprofessionally and unfairly.

    I agree that your daughter should write an apology. Explain to her that you understand why she was so upset but it did not give her the right to react with disrespect. Tell her that because she reacted as she did, the focus of the bad behavior was put onto her. If she had not reacted, then the bad behavior would have stayed with the teacher. I have told my son that he needs to do as the teacher asks and if he does not like it than ask the teacher about it later or talk to me. I am also working with him about not pulling bad behavior onto himself. That when he does/says certain things, people will look at him as the problem so he needs to try to keep the focus of the problem where it belongs and not make it bigger if at all possible.

    The teacher is definately not off the hook. She was way out of line. She is an adult and if she is concerned with your daughter's behavior, she could call a meeting with you. She has no right to give an automatic zero over this. The school better investigate her inability to work with kids - she gets too angry and takes things too personally.

    I would suggest a meeting with you, your daughter and the dean of students first. Your daughter should be able to give her side of the story without the teacher in the room (kids are often intimidated when the person they are reporting on is present). Help her give her viewpoint in a calm way. The more she can keep her personal feelings out of it (very hard for young people to understand and do) the better. She is not doing this because she hates this teacher, she is doing it because of the events that took place. Tell her it is o.k. to admit that the teacher's actions angered her and she is sorry she responded as she did but it was out of frustration.

    Then, you and the Dean of Students can talk to her about how her behavior added to and made the situation worse. The teacher will be confronted on this, but your daughter also needs to learn and grow from this.

    Bring the teacher in and go through things again. I think she owes your daughter an apology also for her rash reaction.

    Good luck - let us know how things go.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member



    The dean actually called me on the way to movie with difficult child tonight. Pooky - no, my oldest does not have any diagnosis, has never been evaluated. She's just nasty!! yuck! :(

    I sat during movie and thought about the situation quite a bit. I mulled over the teacher's response to her, her words to the teacher. I took sometime to really think about the problems I have been having at home with her as of late. She has been very defiant, nasty and disrespectful to me. We experienced this mos. ago it got to a farily climactic point, therapy was implemented, I made her spent a whole lotta time with me. Than things seemed to calm.

    Yet lately it's been different. Her words are so nasty and hurtful. She has told me on more than one occassion it is her life and her choices. That if she choices to fail school, etc. it's her choice!! Can you imagine!! grrrr So, she's failing two classes, the same as last year. She is also only averaging mid 70's in the other classes. She does not apply herself in school. Her social life, boyfriend, friends take center stage. After I took the time to think about what happened I realized that it is more likely than not that my daughter was disrespectful to that teacher. Teacher's are people too, with emotions. She's fed up with my kid, her lack of effort in her class, her always talking in her class. Now icing on the cake she shows up slightly late I think to this make up test (last day to make up test also), and my daughter gives her attitude, probably trying to show off infront of her friends. The friends being in the hallway I'm sure escalated the situation.

    So, we have mtg set up for monday at 9:45. Yet dean and I both know this isn't her MO, she's never told off a teacher before. I know the dean unfortunately :( when my daughter flew off the handle last year began failing, spacing in class. WE had a team meeting whereas all her teachers, dean, guidance counselor, school psychiatric were present. We even had her drug tested to see if drugs were reason for lack of effort. I knew in my gut it wasnt' but i figured i'd make them happy and do the testing.

    So, I requested the dean, teacher and myself discuss things first then we bring my daugther in to talk.

    As with most teenagers she doesn't see how she is negatively affecting her future, her chances. She doesn't realize that the world isn't the same world as when I was a teenager. I try to explain to her that years ago a person could complete high school than go on to find work and make something of it. Yet now with the economy being how it is, competition's thick, jobs are few and far between. i'm afraid for the future she will have.

    I keep thinking ok, what did the teacher actually do wrong here other than lose her cool with me on the phone? I'm good at dealing with irrational teachers, had alot of practice with difficult child's teacher last year. Yet if my daughter was disrespectful I could totally see her giving her a 0 and telling her to get lost.

    Am I off track with this thinking??

    thanks :)
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are correct, the teacher is human and has emotions. However, your original post states that she is highly emotional and does blow up situations. She was also not in control of her emotions when calling you. Very unprofessional. Does not help any situation.

    I can understand that she was furious with the kids in the hall being disrespectful and laughing but she took her feelings about that and put the total emotions onto difficult child. That is not fair. The teacher punished (not disciplined) out of anger toward all the kids. The punishment did not fit the crime. She should have shut the door and then out of earshot of difficult child's friend say something to the effect, "difficult child, you are here to take this test." After the test was done, the teacher could have then talked to her about her growing disrespect but only if the teacher is able to do so calmly. It sounds like the teacher is past the calm stage and needs help in addressing this with difficult child.

    I can respect your feelings that most of the blame may be on difficult child due to her history of growing disrespect. That does have to be addressed.

    I would gently encourage you to keep the teacher's uncontrolled emotions in the front line of things to watch and bring into this situation. It is very hard for kids to live within rules of unstable authority figures.

    Unfortunately, difficult child and her friends have picked up on the fact that they can make this teacher cumble. That is going to be difficult to turn around.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I see your point, I do. I will definetly mention at the meeting. They basically tweeked her just enough for her to blow. Yet I truly can see my daugther being disrespectful to this teacher to the point where she blew. I often "save" my daughter. I drive her to summer school two years in a row, I go to bat for her all the time with school. I enable her i realized recently with regards to certain things. I don't want to do that anymore.

    Also her lack of disrespect to an adult is sickening. When she does it here at home it makes my skin crawl :( Then difficult child hears it and copies at times, it just is not cool at all. I'm getting fed up with her lately. I adore her she's my daughter yet enough already. She's been screwing up in school on and off for 3 years now, the teacher's always blame it on living with difficult child and the turmoil and pressure that creates for her. Oh please.

    She's lazy, makes bad choices. Sure she's not running away from home yet, she hasn't used yet I don't think so. Yet her blatant disregard for adults, as well as her grades, mixed with laziness just yuck!!!

    Sorry once i get started on her I tend not to stop. She has so much potential, and I get angered at times also because I look at difficult child with whom will have such a struggle ahead in her life. Yet this one doesn't share any of those issues, or disorders yet she doesn't push at all.

    ok i'm done rambling for now lol