Bad jokes to cheer you

[Star*]

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

• Justice Fingers.

What do clouds wear under their clothes?

• Thunderware.

What's an archeologist?

• Someone whose career is in ruins.

• What does a cat sleep on?
• A caterpillow.

• What does a king do when he burps?
• He issues a royal pardon.

• What happens when two snails fight?
• They slug it out.

• What is hail?
• Hard-boiled rain.

• What's the strongest bird?
• A crane.

• What insect is good at math?
• An account-ant.

• What wobbles as it flies?
• A jelly-copter.

• How did the artist paint a picture?
• Easel-y.

• How did the ghost patch his sheet?
• With a pumpkin patch.

• How do French poodles greet each other?
• Bone-jour.

How do you catch a squirrel?

• Climb in a tree and act like a nut.

• How do you have a party in outer space?
• You plan-et.

• If two collars had a race, how would it end?
• In a tie.

• Why was King Tutenkhamen considered the best pharaoh in all of Egypt?
• Because he always showed up in cuneiform.

• What kind of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic?
• Iceberg.

• What do you call four matadors in quicksand?
• Quatro sinko.

• Why do pigs make good spies?
• They're excellent at going in-hog-nito.

• What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a plate?
• A tyrannosaucer.

• What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
• "Do you smell carrot?"

• What do you call an earthquake fault?
• A topographical error.

• What did the Spanish farmer say to his chickens?
• Oh-lay!

• Why would you take a hammer to bed?
• So you could hit the sack.

An Indian consulted his medicine man about a pain in his stomach that had persisted for three months.
"For something as long as that," said the Medicine Man, "I have a more drastic remedy than the herbs I normally prescribe. Chew on this leather thong every day. It is 31 inches long: chew one inch every day, and at the next moon come back."
The Indian dutifully did as directed, and at the next moon he returned to the Medicine Man.
"How do you feel?" the Medicine Man asked.
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

 

[AnnieO]

I needed that... THANK YOU!

 

[daralex]

LOL! - my brain must be mush - I really did laugh out loud!

 

[Hound dog]

I need this today.



Silly, but funny.

 

[gcvmom]

My kids will love these They got husband out of his funky mood this morning!

 

[Star*]

OMG Star - these are awful.......

.....I know....but they are funny....glad I could help.

Well if those helped - you should look for more.

I think I will..

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the monistary. (only you will get this)

because she had....(snort) a BAD habit.

 

[ThreeShadows]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhmnOpoGAPw"]YouTube - Monty Python: World's Funniest Joke[/ame]

 

[mrscatinthehat]

As I said them to easy child I think she laughed more at my reaction than at the jokes themselves. However two of her responses require me to share them with you all.

First she does not know the name of the person that started sending them to me and this was her response to .....

How do you have a party in outer space? You invite Stars......I thought it was interesting considering it was a Star* that shared these.

Her other one was....

Why do you take a hammer to bed? So your boyfriend doesn't nail ya.
That almost made me have to go to the bathroom.

Thanks for sharing these. They were very funny.

beth