Bad Manners :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Apr 23, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    My easy child/difficult child has the worst manners when he is around other people. Sometimes at home too but every time we are around other people he thinks it's a free for all and he can act however he wants. He'a rude, mouthy, eats like a slob, etc. It's humiliating. I hate taking him to parties where there is food because he will grab food with his hands, shove it down his throat and basically act like a pig. Friends and family have commented more than once and I feel like I'm being judged. I've always been strict with manners and he's gotten in trouble for this before but it keeps happening. Like I said, with us he's mostly fine but in front of others he's an animal! Ugggghhhhhh!!!
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Stress? I've seen that (multi-generational...) - in a calm, "normal" setting, the kid is relatively calm and normal - but out in public... strange sights, sounds, people, routines... and WHAM! animal!
     
  3. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    It could be. Definitely a possibility. He really doesn't act stressed though. He acts more than comfortable. HE thinks he's being funny and charming but everyone else sees an out of control slob. Seriously the food part is horrible. If we are at a party and I don't watch him like a hawk he will eat 6 (or more) plates! And like I said he grabs it with his hands, shoves it in his face, etc. SO gross! We socialize with the same group often so he's familiar with everyone but he takes the opportunity of lack of our "normal" routine and runs like the wind with it! I'm getting really tired of it and am to the point of not wanting to go anywhere anymore.
     
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Has he ever had an etiquette class? I know, one of those really stuffy classes where they teach all they young ladies and gentlemen how to each with which fork and spoon and all that jazz.

    When I was young it was sort of a coming of age thing that we had to do this. We also had to take something called cautilian or some such spelling. It was a bunch of young boys and girls aged 11 and 12 learning how to ballroom dance....or their best approximation. What would pass if they had to go to a fancy dance. So if we all had to go to a nice formal place we could eat well and dance formally...lol. Though we would be very stiff and on our best behaviors!

    Maybe you could find some sort of class somewhere to send him to that would teach him formal manners. If the class went out to eat to practice the rules instead of you, it might stick better.
     
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, it is cotillion and my easy child did it for three years -- difficult child wouldn't even let me finish telling him what it was before he said "no!".

    I'm thinking the same -- perhaps this is a coping mechanism when in social situations? Have you spoken to him specifically about why he gorges himself in social situations? It really appears to be some kind of gorging, not bad manners. Bad manners would be not using his napkin, chewing with his mouth open, or grabbing something from a buffet without a plate. I think the key here is that he doesn't do it at home, only when you go out. Would he do it if you had a party at your house with folks over?

    Sharon
     
  6. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    That's definitely a suggestion I'll look into Janet. He might actually like something like that. He's very social and likes the interaction of pretty much anything!

    Sharon - we have parties here often and yes, he behaves like that here too. It's less severe than when we are out but still noticeable. But like I said - he only acts like that in social situations. If we take him out to dinner - just us - he's perfectly fine. Well behaved and extremely good manners. Same as meals here. Definitely no gorging going on around just us, always please and thank you, uses utensils, eats slowly, etc. But when there is a larger gathering all bets are off. I have to say the gorging is my biggest concern but his attitude changes as well. He gets fresh and talks back and makes inappropriate comments. It's like night and day. His older brother - my difficult child - also gorges. He has a binge eating problem so I'm now thinking this may not be solely linked to bad manners on easy child/difficult child's part. We have a psychiatrist appointment Thurs and a therapist appointment Fri so I will most definitely be addressing this issue with both of them.
     
  7. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Could be something so simple than slight anxiety and just trying too hard to be charming and social. Basically the same thing that makes any average 5 year old to show all their bad manners and stupid habits when their godparents come to visit. If he has some impulse control problems and is more prone to stress than average child, it could easily end up him regressing to behaviours typical for younger children. Maybe keeping him close and having very clear expectations and (very subtle, you don't really want to embarrass him if it is anxiety related) intervention to the very early signs of him starting this type of behaviour would help? I bet that when he gets going, he really can't control himself, but if you could stop him into his tracks and building up that state of mind early, he could be more in control.
     
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