Bad Morning For difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Is anyone else's difficult child like this? He has a cold. It's just a cold. I had him looked at by the doctor just to maker sure it was just a cold because he has his three day trip coming up next week and I wanted to make sure that it wouldn't morph into something worse that would cause him to miss it.

    This morning I told him its almost time for him to go to them bus stop. He tells me that he thinks he wants to stay home today. After all, he's sick. I remind him that the rule here is unless he's running a fever, vomiting, or the doctor specifically says he should not go, he goes. It's the same for easy child. That started his obscenity laced rant about what a "bas**rd" I am and he wishes He had a mother who actually cared about him and this is why he wants to kill himself. Because I just don't care. All the while he's putting his coat on to go, although he's telling me the whole time that he's not going and there is nothing I can do to make him.

    i tell him to give me a kiss and I'll see him when he gets home. He says, "No! I'm not giving you a kiss. You're a b****!!"

    Yeah. Great way to start the day.
     
  2. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    SIgh. At least while he was ranting and name calling he was getting ready and going to the bus. And, I hate to admit it, but I did chuckle a little, because my difficult child has the same rants." he wishes He had a mother who actually cared about him and this is why he wants to kill himself. Because I just don't care."
    difficult child says or texts those same words to me all of the time. That or she wants to go to foster care. I tried to explain that she would not be able to take her dog or her horse with her to foster care. That no foster parent would continue to pay for board and lessons for a horse. She said that husband and I would have to pay for it. Hahahaha. To live in that world.

    Hope the rest of your day goes more smoothly. And difficult child settles and starts to feel better by the time he gets home.


     
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I know it sounds terrible, but at this point I'm just biding my time. He's almost 14, he starts high school in the fall, and I have four more years to get through before new goes to college and is out of my house.
     
  4. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Mornings are always the most difficult times with our difficult child too. Although there's no cursing on her part (she deliberately chooses NOT to curse because by not doing so, she gets to claim that she's morally superior to me), there's plenty of tantrums, disrespect, rudeness, and general difficult child koi nonsense. I never did learn how to handle it, or maybe there IS no good way... it was either ignore it, which made me feel like she felt she was getting away with acting like that, or stand up to her, which escalated things but which I also felt that I must do in order to not get walked on. I don't know. It always made for a difficult day even after she went to school because all those stress hormones were coursing through my system all day long... Ugh.
     
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    The only time I curse at difficult child is when I completely lose my cool. It doesn't happen often anymore, but it has happened. Now I try to remain as cool and even as I can in the face of being called horrible names that no mother should ever be called by her child.

    Honestly, if my husband ever spoke to me like that people would ask me why I'm still married to him, but because it's a child I'm expected to find ways to makes it better and go along to get along. Well, no matter what I have done or will do, it's not getting better because the person who needs to make it better refuses to do so.
     
  6. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Yeah, I've cursed at difficult child before when I've lost my cool, but I do try not to. I usually try to save my cursing for when little ears aren't around, but I have let some things fly within earshot. They don't seem to be scarred, though. Having a 3-year-old who mimics EVERYTHING keeps me in check most of the time!
     
  7. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    He comes home from school, very pleasant, and the first thing he says to me is, "Can I stay ome tomorrow? I'm barely muddling through."

    Somehow I think missed the part about needing to be runninga fever or vomiting.
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Bunny...
    1) It's March. the absolute worst month of the whole doggone year for a difficult child.
    2) when you're having trouble staying afloat, even "just" a cold causes all sorts of additional problems, including - it's harder to hear, so they spend way more effort trying to listen, more internal distractions (achy, etc.), more external distractions (drippy nose etc)... It's WAY more of a problem for them than for us.

    Doesn't mean he can stay home. But... I kinda get where he's coming from.
     
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    So husband comes home and asks how the kids were since they got home. I told him they were good, but difficult child is balking about going to school tomorrow. He goes in to talk to difficult child, ask him how is day was and difficult child launches into how his day "totally sucked" because he's really sick and he "would be happy if Mom would just let [him] stay home!" husband told him the same thing I did. Either he needs gone running a fever or vomiting before he can stay home.

    A few minutes later difficult child asks if he can talk to me, without dad there. I asked him if he was going to start calling me nasty names, and he said no. So he followed me into the kitchen and, again, asked if he could stay home. Again, I told him no. He starts in with how he wishes he had a mother who actually cared about him and how he was feeling, but I stood my ground. He walks out of the kitchen saying that he's not eating what I made for dinner (chili). husband said to me not to argue with him about it (I wasn't planning on, anyway) because he's just looking for a reason to fight with me.

    We sat done, easy child,husband, and me eating chili, while difficult child rummaged throughnthe fridge looking for leftovers that he wanted. He ate quietly, asked if he could have some chips, and went to his room. In a few minutes I'll go up and give him the cold medicine that the doctor told me to give him and, hopefully, he'll fall asleep without further incident.

    The only question that remains is if he will give me a hassle about goi g to school in the morning.
     
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Maybe get a copy of the sick rules in writing and when he asks ....ask him if the rules say he can? If not, oh well. Those are the rules.

    All good moms make sure their kids go to school so, since I'm such a great mom, you need to go to school.

    LOL!!!!!
     
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    WhatnI got last night was that I'm being mean mom and he really didn't like me very much. I told him I was not here to be liked. I was here to be his mother and right now my job as his mother was to get his tushie to school.

    He had a better morning. Still asked a hundred times why he had to go to school, but he left without cursing and name calling.

    I told husband that this is what happens whe. We present a united front. He looked at me and said that we always do that. Really?
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Whew. been there done that! It really wears you out. I bide my time, too. But then once he's out of the house, I'll still be worrying about whether he took his medications or whether he's in a car crash or whether he's going to work every day. But at least it won't be in my face every single day.

    I'm sorry. I feel for you.

    I'm so glad you have it in perspective. He says xyz, and he means abc. Very good, Bunny!

    Lol about presenting a united front. What is it with-husbands? (eye roll)
     
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