Bad news from DCFS
- Thread starter JJJ
- Start date
JJJ
Active Member
Well, no progress today on the DCFS front. Little Miss Investigator did contact the girls shelter that Kanga is at and spoke with the supervisor. The supervisor said she found Little Miss most unpleasant and said she got very irritated when the supervisor said that no, Kanga had not made any threats re: our family but since return home hadn't been the goal, that issue had never been addressed. A different investigator is suppose to talk to Kanga (since the shelter is in a different county), but that investigator hasn't contacted them yet.
Every day they delay (and shelter stays willing to keep her) is one day closer to possible grant funding...24 days and counting, course it could be another 30 days after that until a bed is found, but one step at a time.
We are trying to find another shelter in our county so that Kanga can sleep there and go to the TDS, that would get us another 21 days...
Still juggling,
Every day they delay (and shelter stays willing to keep her) is one day closer to possible grant funding...24 days and counting, course it could be another 30 days after that until a bed is found, but one step at a time.
We are trying to find another shelter in our county so that Kanga can sleep there and go to the TDS, that would get us another 21 days...
Still juggling,
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
You must be absolutely exhausted. Sending all the strength I can muster up to help you get through this.
Marguerite
Active Member
I'm sorry you're dealing with this bulldust. I agree with the others, the kids should not have felt intimidated by her interview; if they were distressed, she was doing her job inappropriately.
Put it all in writing then go over her head.
There have been times when I wanted action fast on a number of issues. In one case, difficult child 3's school was to have a teacher removed and a classroom lost, as the total enrolment numbers were not high enough to justify the overall teacher/student ratio. difficult child 3 had begun school that year with one teacher. She had been replaced by a relief teacher and if the school had lost a class, difficult child 3 would not only have had a third teacher in a week, he would be moved from a small class of 18 students into a large composite class of nearly 40. There is no way he could have coped.
What did I do? I tried to ring the Disabilities Coordinator, whose job it was to ensure difficult child 3's needs were accommodated. Unfortunately she was also responsible for keeping the expenditure in check - a bad combination.
The Disabilities Coordinator was unavailable; I suspected she had chosen to ignore my call.
So overnight I drafted an email outlining the problems and forecasting the outcome should the teacher removal go ahead. All I needed was an email address. I also opened a text file on my computer screen in which I documented my morning, listing who I had rung, what their phone numbers were, what the response (if any) had been and any relevant modifications to my email were made on the spot. I was ready, poised.
Then I began telephoning. First, I rang the school principal for an update. Yes, he had been told the decision had been made, it was out of the District Office's hands, no accommodation would be made.
Next I rang the Disabilities Coordinator. No answer. Again. So I left a voicemail message saying I had rung about this issue and would continue to ring up the ladder until I got to talk to someone who was ready to listen.
I rang the District Office CEO. No answer (probably both in the same meeting). I rang the state office Disabilities Coordinator. No answer, left the same message. I finally got as high as the state Education Minister's secretary as well as the parents' alliance head office, before I spoke to someone who was prepared to help. I sent them the email, which now also documented who I had ring, without success. The parents alliance boss who I spoke to also asked for a copy of the email. She was scheduled to be in a meeting with the Education Minister, to talk about student numbers especially with reference to students with Special Needs, so my call was timely. If I hadn't been able to get anywhere with the Minister, my next call was to be the media, and the Opposition Education spokesperson.
That afternoon, the phone was ringing. About the same time the various people got my message, they were getting phone calls back down the line kicking their rear ends. Finally I got a phone call from the District CEO, asking me to be at a meeting at the school next morning. At that meeting they told me that they were putting on hold the plans to cut teacher numbers at the school, since difficult child 3 was a special case who should not be penalised by being put into a very large composite class. I jumped on the "on hold" line - yes, they were trying to buy time with me by simply postponing a decision they didn't want to reverse. They WERE STILL planning to dump difficult child 3 into the big class. They could give me no assurances, no certainty. Again, not good enough.
So again, when I got home from the meeting, I rang people. At this stage I went straight to the people who I'd spoken to the day before - the Minister's private secretary and the parents' association boss. Because of the previous contact, I now had a hot line to them. I also reinforced my call with another email.
The outcome - three days after my first phone call, we got a certain assurance that difficult child 3's school would not lose a teacher THAT YEAR and he would NOT be put into an impossibly large class but instead, the class arrangement would remain as it was.
How this was achieved - by telephoning up the chain of command and telling them at each stage that this is what I was doing, going over people's heads until I finally got to someone who would take my call. Also by having my words prepared (the email) and simultaneously documenting the whole thing.
That combination - it scared the willies out of them. I had become a loose cannon and because I also had a reasonable cause, they knew they were likely to get hit.
To use a line from an early episode of M*A*S*H - "He's gone over my head so many times I've got athlete's scalp!"
So my advice - prepare your email/official letter (email was faster for us and time was of the essence - a fax is a good alternative, it's also very immediate). Go over it carefully to make sure it doesn't sound hysterical or emotional at the expense of reason and clear argument. Make your opening sentence a strong one which outlines your main issue, use the next few paragraphs to expand on this and give more detail, then bring it back to what you want, in the final sentence/paragraph. And try to keep it short, they only have short attention spans.
Then prepare the list of people you may need to talk to about this. Do it at your computer, or with a notepad on which you jot all the important stuff. If you are fast enough to transcribe anything interesting that they may say, do it and put quote marks around it so you KNOW you can quote this as having been said, word for word. That also scares them - they think they are dealing with someone who has a phenomenal memory.
Then go get 'em.
One thing to make clear, however - once you reach someone who seems prepared to listen, don't go any higher. Not unless you feel you need to, if they stop listening or fob you off or seem to get it wrong like previous people. And do try to speak with considered reason - too many people let their emotions take control. So often it's not the person you're dealing with who is the problem, it's the system and they are just a tiny cog doing what they've been told and avoiding risks. What you want is a challenge, and for them to give it to you is an admission that their perfect machine is not functioning well; such an admission can seem like treason.
Keep us posted!
Marg
Put it all in writing then go over her head.
There have been times when I wanted action fast on a number of issues. In one case, difficult child 3's school was to have a teacher removed and a classroom lost, as the total enrolment numbers were not high enough to justify the overall teacher/student ratio. difficult child 3 had begun school that year with one teacher. She had been replaced by a relief teacher and if the school had lost a class, difficult child 3 would not only have had a third teacher in a week, he would be moved from a small class of 18 students into a large composite class of nearly 40. There is no way he could have coped.
What did I do? I tried to ring the Disabilities Coordinator, whose job it was to ensure difficult child 3's needs were accommodated. Unfortunately she was also responsible for keeping the expenditure in check - a bad combination.
The Disabilities Coordinator was unavailable; I suspected she had chosen to ignore my call.
So overnight I drafted an email outlining the problems and forecasting the outcome should the teacher removal go ahead. All I needed was an email address. I also opened a text file on my computer screen in which I documented my morning, listing who I had rung, what their phone numbers were, what the response (if any) had been and any relevant modifications to my email were made on the spot. I was ready, poised.
Then I began telephoning. First, I rang the school principal for an update. Yes, he had been told the decision had been made, it was out of the District Office's hands, no accommodation would be made.
Next I rang the Disabilities Coordinator. No answer. Again. So I left a voicemail message saying I had rung about this issue and would continue to ring up the ladder until I got to talk to someone who was ready to listen.
I rang the District Office CEO. No answer (probably both in the same meeting). I rang the state office Disabilities Coordinator. No answer, left the same message. I finally got as high as the state Education Minister's secretary as well as the parents' alliance head office, before I spoke to someone who was prepared to help. I sent them the email, which now also documented who I had ring, without success. The parents alliance boss who I spoke to also asked for a copy of the email. She was scheduled to be in a meeting with the Education Minister, to talk about student numbers especially with reference to students with Special Needs, so my call was timely. If I hadn't been able to get anywhere with the Minister, my next call was to be the media, and the Opposition Education spokesperson.
That afternoon, the phone was ringing. About the same time the various people got my message, they were getting phone calls back down the line kicking their rear ends. Finally I got a phone call from the District CEO, asking me to be at a meeting at the school next morning. At that meeting they told me that they were putting on hold the plans to cut teacher numbers at the school, since difficult child 3 was a special case who should not be penalised by being put into a very large composite class. I jumped on the "on hold" line - yes, they were trying to buy time with me by simply postponing a decision they didn't want to reverse. They WERE STILL planning to dump difficult child 3 into the big class. They could give me no assurances, no certainty. Again, not good enough.
So again, when I got home from the meeting, I rang people. At this stage I went straight to the people who I'd spoken to the day before - the Minister's private secretary and the parents' association boss. Because of the previous contact, I now had a hot line to them. I also reinforced my call with another email.
The outcome - three days after my first phone call, we got a certain assurance that difficult child 3's school would not lose a teacher THAT YEAR and he would NOT be put into an impossibly large class but instead, the class arrangement would remain as it was.
How this was achieved - by telephoning up the chain of command and telling them at each stage that this is what I was doing, going over people's heads until I finally got to someone who would take my call. Also by having my words prepared (the email) and simultaneously documenting the whole thing.
That combination - it scared the willies out of them. I had become a loose cannon and because I also had a reasonable cause, they knew they were likely to get hit.
To use a line from an early episode of M*A*S*H - "He's gone over my head so many times I've got athlete's scalp!"
So my advice - prepare your email/official letter (email was faster for us and time was of the essence - a fax is a good alternative, it's also very immediate). Go over it carefully to make sure it doesn't sound hysterical or emotional at the expense of reason and clear argument. Make your opening sentence a strong one which outlines your main issue, use the next few paragraphs to expand on this and give more detail, then bring it back to what you want, in the final sentence/paragraph. And try to keep it short, they only have short attention spans.
Then prepare the list of people you may need to talk to about this. Do it at your computer, or with a notepad on which you jot all the important stuff. If you are fast enough to transcribe anything interesting that they may say, do it and put quote marks around it so you KNOW you can quote this as having been said, word for word. That also scares them - they think they are dealing with someone who has a phenomenal memory.
Then go get 'em.
One thing to make clear, however - once you reach someone who seems prepared to listen, don't go any higher. Not unless you feel you need to, if they stop listening or fob you off or seem to get it wrong like previous people. And do try to speak with considered reason - too many people let their emotions take control. So often it's not the person you're dealing with who is the problem, it's the system and they are just a tiny cog doing what they've been told and avoiding risks. What you want is a challenge, and for them to give it to you is an admission that their perfect machine is not functioning well; such an admission can seem like treason.
Keep us posted!
Marg
JJJ
Active Member
I spoke to some people "in the know" and they said that in our county, if we lock out, they WILL take the others, that it is not an empty threat. That we would likely (but not for sure) get the other back once in front of a judge, but that still leaves them 48 hours out of our care...so not an option. I've started to put things in place for the seemingly inevitable return of Kanga. Post-adoption has offered to intervene at the level above this worker's supervisor. They think they can help, they promise that it won't make it worse. We are still waiting for the other investigator to talk to Kanga...
L
luvmyottb
Guest
JJJ,
I don't know what to say to you other than I have been following your thread and I am horrified by what you have gone through to protect your family.
You are a true warrior mom and I hope you can draw strength from every mom and dad on this board.
I pray for you and your family. Stay strong.
I don't know what to say to you other than I have been following your thread and I am horrified by what you have gone through to protect your family.
You are a true warrior mom and I hope you can draw strength from every mom and dad on this board.
I pray for you and your family. Stay strong.
JJJ
Active Member
The DCFS worker is going to interview Kanga today. My stomach hurts so bad. This child has such impaired reality on top of her fine-tuned ability to manipulate and lie. I'm so worried she will succeed in turning this on us...calling them in for help feels like such a mistake...I can't stop crying, I'm just terrified.
Hey JJJ,
Ditto luvmyottb.
I am sending you a shoe horn, a pot of vaseline and a diagram detailing butt from elbow. Once these people have worked out which is which, they may be able to remove their heads from said butt!!
In the mean time, have some more power from my elbow to yours.
Ditto luvmyottb.
I am sending you a shoe horn, a pot of vaseline and a diagram detailing butt from elbow. Once these people have worked out which is which, they may be able to remove their heads from said butt!!
In the mean time, have some more power from my elbow to yours.
witzend
Well-Known Member
GRRRRR!!! This is all such a farce! I don't blame the folks where Kanga is at, at all, because this woman has blindsided them as well. Clearly she has an agenda, either of her own or through direction from superiors, that return to your home is to be the goal. Hopefully, they will address the issue of returning home with Kanga, what she envisions doing upon return, and get this message across in a timely manner. Like yesterday!
No wonder your stomach is in knots! You just can't win!
F
flutterbee
Guest
JJJ, my heart just aches for you.
((((hugs))))
((((hugs))))
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
My heart is in PIECES for you and your family.
Pray, pray, pray.
Dizzymum, THAT was funny. I wonder if they'd even get it?
Pray, pray, pray.
Dizzymum, THAT was funny. I wonder if they'd even get it?
mstang67chic
Going Green
Wish I knew something to say. The system is wacked and no one seems to get it. Sending hugs, support and lots of positive thoughts and prayers your way.
Thinking of you and your much loved ones JJJ....
I sincerely hope so Big Bad Kitty re your last post.
When I was trying to break through to difficult children bio dad, I felt like I was beating my head against a wall. It wasn't until I said it was like trying to describe the view from the top of Everest to a blind man that he finally relented. You can sort of picture it but unless you have been there done that you cannot possibly understand the breath taking magnitude of what surrounds you.
I feel for JJJ. It takes so much courage to go against our maternal grain. You get up, you fall down, you get up...... and on it goes. Nobody wants their child to have a problem. Wouldn't we all like to stuff our heads in the sand and pretend that everything is ok? Sadly, we don't all knock off at 5 and go home to tranquillity.
In an ideal world, one look at JJJs life and work experience should have peoples ears pinned back and respect being dished out by a JCB. Yes she is upset, yes she is struggling, but who the heck wouldn't be? She is fighting for her family, possibly the fight of her life and being judged by the very people who should be helping. How very big of them. ( can you hear my blood boiling )?
I sincerely hope so Big Bad Kitty re your last post.
When I was trying to break through to difficult children bio dad, I felt like I was beating my head against a wall. It wasn't until I said it was like trying to describe the view from the top of Everest to a blind man that he finally relented. You can sort of picture it but unless you have been there done that you cannot possibly understand the breath taking magnitude of what surrounds you.
I feel for JJJ. It takes so much courage to go against our maternal grain. You get up, you fall down, you get up...... and on it goes. Nobody wants their child to have a problem. Wouldn't we all like to stuff our heads in the sand and pretend that everything is ok? Sadly, we don't all knock off at 5 and go home to tranquillity.
In an ideal world, one look at JJJs life and work experience should have peoples ears pinned back and respect being dished out by a JCB. Yes she is upset, yes she is struggling, but who the heck wouldn't be? She is fighting for her family, possibly the fight of her life and being judged by the very people who should be helping. How very big of them. ( can you hear my blood boiling )?
JJJ
Active Member
Feelinalone - if we refuse to pick her up when directed to, we will face child neglect charges in our state. Because they, in their infinite wisdom, have decided she is safe, her victims (her family) have no say.
Thanks all - I started a new thread, Kanga is coming home in 6 hours.
Thanks all - I started a new thread, Kanga is coming home in 6 hours.
