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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 586796" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Oh hugs to you as you go through this. Definitely dont beat yourself up for letting him come home... detachment is a process and each time they manipulate us we learn.... so it was a step in your own path to detachment.</p><p></p><p>If he calls threatening to kill himself again offer to go get him and take him to the hospital. 18 months ago my son called me desperate and suicidal and that is what I did... he ended up checking himself in and that was a step towards rehab (at the time anyway). So yes take him seriously and offer him help, but dont fall for the manipulaton and bring him home. He needs to learn that suicide threats mean a trip to the hospital, not a night at home in a comfy bed.</p><p></p><p>I personally do not think I could cut off all contact until... I want my son to know he has my love and support when he is doing the right things... cutting off all contact feels very rejecting to me. Not saying it is the wrong thing to do for everyone, but I could not do it. However I let him literally be on the streets and homeless for 5 months in the middle of winter.</p><p></p><p>As far as the phone... do what feels right to you!! For me I feel better when he has a phone... there was a period when he was homeless that he did not have a working phone... we had sent him one to a friend near by but he had left that area before he got it...and then we had no address to have it sent to so he was without one. I have to say I found that very very difficult because if he didnt post on FB (via an internet cafe or something) then I had no information and I would lie awake wondering if he was dead. I found that truly excrutiating. Fact is if they want drug contacts they will find a way, with or without a phone... so for me personally I feel better with providing him a phone.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there... you are doing all the right things.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 586796, member: 15801"] Oh hugs to you as you go through this. Definitely dont beat yourself up for letting him come home... detachment is a process and each time they manipulate us we learn.... so it was a step in your own path to detachment. If he calls threatening to kill himself again offer to go get him and take him to the hospital. 18 months ago my son called me desperate and suicidal and that is what I did... he ended up checking himself in and that was a step towards rehab (at the time anyway). So yes take him seriously and offer him help, but dont fall for the manipulaton and bring him home. He needs to learn that suicide threats mean a trip to the hospital, not a night at home in a comfy bed. I personally do not think I could cut off all contact until... I want my son to know he has my love and support when he is doing the right things... cutting off all contact feels very rejecting to me. Not saying it is the wrong thing to do for everyone, but I could not do it. However I let him literally be on the streets and homeless for 5 months in the middle of winter. As far as the phone... do what feels right to you!! For me I feel better when he has a phone... there was a period when he was homeless that he did not have a working phone... we had sent him one to a friend near by but he had left that area before he got it...and then we had no address to have it sent to so he was without one. I have to say I found that very very difficult because if he didnt post on FB (via an internet cafe or something) then I had no information and I would lie awake wondering if he was dead. I found that truly excrutiating. Fact is if they want drug contacts they will find a way, with or without a phone... so for me personally I feel better with providing him a phone. Hang in there... you are doing all the right things. TL [/QUOTE]
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