Bail raised to $600,000!! insanity!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by worriedMom, Oct 5, 2014.

  1. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member

    Hello everyone. ....I had to reset my name and.password....this is why I'm showing as a " New member". For those of you who want to hear this entire nightmare that started with marijuana just read the last posts listed as the thread titled "Bail set at $100,000".
  2. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member

    I want to thank all of you for your support. I.felt it.was start fresh also. I will keep everyone posted of the upcoming court proceedings but do want to say that my son has decided 'and plead guilty praying...and trusting the Lord that the judge show him favor. As he is refusing the offer that the d.a. Had for him of a ridiculous 5-10 years in the State Prison. My son does have a good court Appointed attorney that I have met once and spoken to several times. I spoke with him after seeing my son today. I'm glad Son that he is choosing to be honest, though inside I am petrified .I son is too but won't.admit it of course... you can just see it on his.face. He has never in his life been in thrown into the hardest place to be in this crooked city. we will bring in as many character witnesses for my son with the main one being that he has never gotten help for his drug problem, never had a given chance to go into a rehab or anything.... I guess not when you refuse to think you have a problem. he.does now...although he is clean where he is there is some hope in that he can at least get.some emotional help. addition from the Lord he.does need the help of counselors ....another human being besides the church family to talk to. You all have helped me by supporting my emotions ....when he does get out I hope he can find an online support group of his.own.
  3. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member

    I started to edit.and ran overtime....but I just want to add.that my son takes full responsibility for his actions and this we think is important for the judge to at least see the events and my sons mindset that led up to this point. I will keep you posted if this is okay to do.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    To answer a question you posed on the other thread. The way it works here, and I am guessing there also, is that if they come up with a plea agreement the judge can accept it, or choose to change it (either lighter or harsher). If he does that then your son would have the right to refuse it.... and my guess is the DA could also choose to refuse it. So by agreeing to the plea deal he is not agreeing to any harsher sentance the judge would suggest.

    It is risky to not take a plea deal BUT it all really depends on the evidence in the case and how good the case is against him. It is not always easy to get a conviction..... but if they do convict then the sentance could be worse.


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  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    WM, if I could ask ... what changed that the amount of his bail was increased so much? Did his attorney recommend that he do it this way? If I'm understanding you right, he's planning to reject the plea bargain, plead guilty to the original charges, and basically "throw himself on the mercy of the court"? This could be VERY risky, especially if the prosecution has many witnesses to testify against him. As I said before, a plea bargain usually involves reducing the charges to ones that carry a lesser penalty. If he rejects the plea bargain, he will be tried on the original, more serious charges that carry a harsher penalty and could end up receiving a lot more than 5-10 years. I hope he gives this a great deal of serious thought before he decides to do this. And again, a sentence of 5 to 10 years in prison is NOT at all out of line for as many serious charges as he is facing.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2014
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have the same questions Donna has. The large increase in bail concerns me, it is unusual to raise it after it has been set.
  7. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member $100,000 for each victim. There.we're.6 of them. The trouble with taking it to trial is that.there is so much.against him. Although they had masks on the 2 were caught at the mall 'together with the phones. Not 'to mention that the kid identified my son. and the other kid who has no chance of getting out.of anything can easily.say he.knew my son and of course the worst of all is the identification of my sons car at 'the scene. Personally I don't think he has a chance. Furthermore most of 'these kids were underaged and 'the.kid who my son tapped on. The leg is believed to be the son of a cop. my son would get t'he worst if he took it to trial. He could take the plea bargain which the lawyer already got from the DA but even the lawyer says it's harsh. my sons lawyer says my son does stand the risk of getting a harder sentence but harder than. 5 -10?? I could see maybe 3 but 5? The attorney did.say it is quite possible that my son could be given 2 years and several years on probation or.even house arrest. I don' way.would I 'think.anyone would find him not guilty of these.charges.
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2014
  8. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member

    I add that I don't believe the DA has taken off any of the.charges. I could ask again. I don't know what to do here.... my poor.son sits in this Godforsaken place and is looking to mommy for loving caring advice. at first he thought he could beat these charges but my son is very soft spoken ( when not high ) I'm not even sure he'd to speak to the.judge... his lawyer said a paper and that his lawyer would basically make his case before.the judge. do all attorney's have this pompus way of speaking to the other side? I've always noticed this in all cases. It really gets on my nerves. I'd like to go over to the DA at my sons.hearing and smack her. My sons Attorney was trying to bring down the aggravated assault to a simple assault. But.the.judge.wouldn't go for it. The.kid.identified my son right in the court room. now 'this.other.judge.will be a woman. so I don't know if it will help if I take the stand. I'll be crying through speaking.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Poor son? Mommy?

    Your son is an adult and you are now his Mother, not his mommy. You keep seeing him as a little boy. He is a man who did some very bad things to six people.

    I hope you get some help for yourself and stop thinking about this man who wore a mask and terrorized minors as if he were ten years old. You deserve a good life, even though your son has made some really bad choices. It doesn't help your son, your little daughter or yourself if you can't get your mind off of your son. He is a man and he will deal with it. I'm more concerned about you.

  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The judge has some leeway in sentencing. Each side has a job to do. You have a job to do. You can be a loving mother by visiting your son and listening to him. It does not mean that you make yourself sick. Your young daughter is at an age where she needs you to be emotionally healthy.
  11. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Wm- I feel compelled to post: please know I care and I mean all of this gently:

    This is not yours to take on. You can't fix it. You can't solve it. You cannot rise to his defense and conquer the other side for him. The DA and the Judge are not the enemy- they're just a part of the situation your son chose to get himself into.

    I know you are scared to death and you are panicking. You're looking for answers everywhere - examining every possibility because surely all of this effort will find a way to fix this.

    This is not yours to fix.

    We all understand why you want to fix it and we've all been there in one way or the other.

    We're all told from day one that "anything is possible if you try hard enough" and that a mother's love can move mountains.

    Somehow- when our kids flounder - we turn that spirit into a mandate that we just have to try harder and love them more and go to battle for them (whether we battle the legal system, the drugs or the difficult child themselves) and that if we put in enough effort- we will persevere. Heck - most of us found this site because we were googling (aka trying harder) ways to "fix" our difficult child's!

    You can't fix the trouble he is in. Nothing you do or say or don't say will be the key to making this better. You've done all you can. You raised him well, you love him with your whole heart. He has a public defender, he will have a fair trial, there are procedures and laws and rights (that are far from perfect but) that will provide guidance and parity along the way.

    I know it sounds impossible; but you need to let go of the belief that you can fix this because you will make yourself crazy. You need to resist the urge that you can battle for him, even in spirit. You can love him wholeheartedly and you should. You can visit him and you should. You can listen to him and you should. You can sit in that courtroom and will every ounce of love and strength to him and you should.

    You don't have the power to solve this and you need to give up the notion that you can before it consumes you.
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  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I think women judges are often tougher than men. I doubt your taking the stand will help all that much, you are his mother so of course you are sympathetic to him. You might come off as making excuses for him. What do you think of his lawyer?

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  13. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member

    I'm glad his lawyer takes the time to talk to me, he goes up to the jail twice a week, he does have other clients. He strikes me a bit on the hipper side. hey...maybe he's on No, he did a good job at the hearing...or as best as he could in my eyes. He made 1 case entirely drop since the kid only saw a left view of a car that "looked" like it might be my sons. If it was my son...he never got out of the car for that robbery. son still has these 6 other kids identifying him even though he and his "buddy" wore masks....the cops drove these kids up to the mall and said to the kids "Is that them??" and the kids all agreed "yeah that's them". So the 2 were identified in court. Now...think of it ...if it goes to trial my son and this other kid will look like punks to these kid's parents and I'm sure the jury will also ...although if only 1 juror thinks differently it becomes a "hung jury". It was his "buddy" that had the beebee gun sticking these kids up and taking their cell phones...but because my son was with him ...he is considered a co-defendant in the crime and this is where 1 of the Aggravated assault goes on him...thanks to his "buddy". Now...the other aggravated assault charge goes to my son for getting out of the car when his buddy asked him to help was at that point that my son made the worst and stupidest decision ever. He ran out of the car like a lunatic and scared the kids with the pipe he was holding in his hands, tapped him on his leg with the pipe and like a dummy he thought the whole thing was a funny joke. My son has 2 aggravated assault charges, 1 he did himself and the other one this other dangerous kid that should've been in jail from his previous assault charges. He was on probation so I kinda think they want to fry him. Seems my son has no choice but to fry with him. Now I'm not saying my son is innocent was a stupid mistake, but one that he will pay for. I just don't think it's fair to give him a 5 to 10 year sentence...I'm no fool even if i had the money I would not bail him out. He needs to learn his lesson and cry out to God to help him out of the mess he got himself into. I was praying this morning, I don't want to turn this into a sermon and get a scolding but I will say that I now understand that this is HIS trial not mine. I can't be his savior, I just get in the way. I have to let God take care of him now, this is hard for me. But as everyone has told me..."it's out of my hands". I love him, I'll put money ( not a whole lot ) on his books, visit him and send him Christian books but there isn't much else I can do. Getting back to his "Plea" ....he's got to make up his mind himself and needs to quit listening to the inmates in there with him. They don't know the details of what he stands against. He's got the 2 aggravated assaults and the rest are simple assaults since all it takes with a Simple assault is to have the intention of inflicting serious injury...which goes along with the threats and conspiracy charges. I don't see how they can separate these when they all go hand-in-hand but it is what it is . I know my son could kick himself and he does take full responsibility for what he did...but at the same time and I will say this because it is the truth.... he would've never had to get in contact with this criminal if he had somewhere else to go ....yes he could've slept in his car but he got tired of that. And it was my husband who made him homeless. However...if you look on the other side of it....he wouldn't admit he had a drug problem and we did offer him help and he refused it again saying he had no problem. I knew he was smoking pot, getting high...but didn't want him kicked out of the house and was afraid to say anything to anybody...I thought it would go away. It didn't and only escalated. Nobody has to lecture me anymore, i get it now. He never did steal from us...just sold all his own, X-box, etc. The only jewelry worth anything is my wedding band and engagement diamond which is kept in the safest place of all..., my finger. : ) Getting back to his case which I keep trailing off of ...I think there's too much evidence against him to go to trial. If he took his guilty plea before the judge ...his lawyer will do his darnedest to convince the judge that my son needs help, not 10 years in Prison. Other than the D.U.I. and possession of marijuana charge my son has never been in trouble with the law. Most of all son is very remorseful. The whole thing makes me very sad, I'm sorry but it does. I feel as his mother I should give him my opinion of what he should plea but at the same time..if the judge gives more than a 5 year sentence I'll kick myself ...the last time I saw him I told him " you need to make this decision on your own, I just don't think a trial will get you out of this...they WILL find you guilty". Did I say the right thing in the right way? (sorry this is so long...I missed my calling as a novelist as many of us have. )
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    (sigh) You keep blaming others...your husband, this kid...for your son's crimes. A mask? A pipe? He thought it was FUNYY? I think you don't want to face that your son is not a good person. He has yet to express remorse. It is not just the drugs. He is not drugged now yet he has still not apologized to his victims. I am not sure he is sorry for anything except that he was caught.

    Your son picked this man to befriend because he likes him. Nobody forced them to be friends. It is on your son.

    I think whatever happens happens and your son will deserve whatever it is for frightening minors. You seem to even blame the defendants for identifying him when he wore a mask.

    Not feeling the sympathy for your son.

    For your sake, I hope you get help for YOU. YOU are the one who needs it. Your son is what he is and will need to change on his own. He doesn't see the criminality of his deeds and that needs to change or he'll keep finding likeminded folks.

    I have to again urge you into therapy. You are driving yourself nuts because your son is being punished for a legitimate crime. It is something many of us have done at one time or another. However few of our kids did the degree of crime your son participated in. My son is a big con artist and stole and if he had been caught...oh, well. I would have been more in the mode of, "I can't help you now. It's out of my hands. You did the crime, you do the time." I would then hope the consequences would let him sit and think and maybe change.

    Your son doesn't need your sympathy. He needs help too, but since you can't force it on least get help for you. Believe it or no t, every single one of us cares about you and hopes you will see a professional to learn how to cope. This isn't going to go away.

    Hugs fkor your hurting heart. Hoping you do try to take care of YOU for once...and that five year old daughter who needs attention and care far more than your son does. Therapy will help you see this situation more clearly and deal with it in a healthy way. Please do it. Do it for your five year old baby.
  15. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Ok no lectures from me just some thoughts and observations:

    First let me say I am glad you are realizing that this is his burden to bear.

    Second let me say that it isn't your husbands fault that your son was in contact with this "bad man." Your son had choices about who he chose to hang out with. He could have just as easily gone to a church for assistance or chosen to hang out with someone who wasn't a "bad man." Please don't blame your husband for your sons decisions. Actually please stop trying to place blame anywhere except for on your son. He chose to makes the choices that got him kicked out. He also chose to make the choices that got him in jail. He had free will up until he was arrested and could have done the right things.

    Third you are right the sentencing is out of your hands. The only thing you can do is let the atty and the judge know that you are here to support your son and will be there for him no matter what. I would refrain from making any excuses for him or trying to explain things away. The judge will know that is a mothers sentiment and not always reality.

    Last your son commited a violent crime. By downplaying it and saying he tapped the victim with a pipe you are minimizing what he did. He didn't tap someone with a pipe he hit him. Thank God he didn't injure him badly. He didn't sit idly in the car while all this happened he got out and screamed at/threatened 6 teenage kids. I am not trying to say he is one step below Jeffrey Dalmer or anything like that I am just trying to help you visualize their fears.

    I hope your son doesn't wind up being an example because of his affiliation with the "bad man." I also hope that he doesn't get a stiffer penalty because one of the kids is a police officers child. Most of all I hope that you can see that your child is now facing some very real adult issues and that like any mother you can be there for him. You just can' fix it.
  16. worriedMom

    worriedMom New Member

    Mwm, I know what you are saying, tis true that I think the kid he was with is the bigger criminal because he is. My son is one too I know, but to a MUCH lesser degree. I guess what this boils down to is the time for the crime. The justice system in this country is SO unfair it's ridiculous. My x got away with raping our daughter, he only spent 1 year in county jail. That was a slap on the wrist. Here's my son in the same jail for tapping a kid on the leg while high off of God knows what and he could get up to 20 years? or how about murderers who get out on bail just because they have $$$ then kill someone else because they were let go? it's all screwed up. My son should get no more than 2 years and hopefully change his ways during those 2 years. And trust me...I'm a whole lot better now then I was when I first came to this site. thanks for your hugs everyone, I really need them. Prison is no kind of rehabilitation and he will have to get into a click if he ends up having to go there. O.M.G. I can't even think of it.
  17. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    WM, I don't want to sound harsh but I think you're still not hearing what we've been trying to say. You're still putting the bulk of the blame on others, still making excuses for him. And you're minimizing his involvement in this incident. No matter what the other young man did or did not do, your son was a very willing participant and the court will not have the least little bit of sympathy for him because he was on drugs at the time. No excuse. He is totally responsible for his own actions. And that "tap" with a pipe you keep referring to was no little light "tap". In one of your previous posts you stated that the victim had to be transported to the emergency room for xrays to make sure his leg wasn't broken! That is not a harmless little "tap".

    And as we've said before, if your son does go to prison, the worst thing he can do is to get in a "click" (clique?). These aren't harmless little social clubs, they're dangerous, violent GANGS and if your son is smart, he should keep as far away from them as possible! The gangs are responsible for a huge percentage of the violence in the prison systems. It is entirely possible to be a prison inmate who is NOT affiliated with gang activity and get by with no problems. In fact, that's what the majority of the inmates do.

    What I wish you could do is to try to put yourself in the position of those victims and the parents of the victims. Can you even imagine how terrified these kids must have been when they were suddenly confronted with two masked men, one carrying a gun, the other a length of pipe? And I guarantee you they didn't know it was just a BB gun! If someone is threatening you with a gun, you would be so terrified you wouldn't be closely examining the weapon, all you would see is a GUN! And then for one of them to be assaulted with the pipe hard enough to be taken to the hospital? This was no small thing and will probably give them bad dreams for years to come. Those kids were minors, in the eyes of the law they are "children". And if I was the parent of one of these kids, I would be livid! Your son did a very serious thing, it is entirely his responsibility and no one elses, and he must be willing to take the consequences. And you need to realize that and must learn to accept whatever comes because if you can't, you will have a very hard time of it.
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  18. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I agree with what everyone has said since your last post. I'm not sure how old your son is, but he must be of legal age to be charged as an adult. As an adult, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that your son knew what he was doing and what he was participating in and who he was participating with was WRONG and ILLEGAL!

    I understand this is your son and you love him. You should. But I would NEVER, EVER defend or back up such abhorrent behavior by my child! My parents made it very clear to me and my brothers and sister that they would back us up as long as we were on the straight and narrow. They also made it clear to us and we did indeed believe them, that if we got ourselves into trouble, we were on our own. And we were left to face our own music *alone*. Notice the term that I just used.... "if we got ourselves into trouble". Your son caused every bit of trouble he is in now. It's not about you deciding what a fair punishment is for your son's crimes.

    I wonder if it would be helpful to you to spend the same amount of time worrying about all the bad things happening to your son, and how unjust you feel he is being treated, and how these other bad guys are responsible for your son's predicament and just think about how you would feel as a mother and as a victim if another group of guys did this same exact thing to your son?

    I also wanted to say that I agree, your husband did not make your son homeless and thus cause him to commit the crimes he did. Your husband did your son a favor in trying to make him "man up". Your son could have chosen good guys to hang out with as easy as he chose the "bad guys". This is all on your son.

    As a mother, I do have compassion for you. I think it's very difficult to see our children sometimes as they truly are, but I believe you'd do yourself and everyone else in your family a huge service in doing so.
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You know...we try really hard to help the victims here. usually the victioms are the parents. They are abused and hurt and even deserted by their adult children. We have all been through a lot. But we own what our adult children have done, especially once we know. At one time I didn't believe my oldest daughter did any drugs stronger than pot, but once I saw it for my own eyes, I didn't excuse her, blame her friends who were at the house with her, blame her father who can be verbally abusive at times, or blame anyone but her. That's how most of us are here. This isn't meant to be harsh to you. It is hoping to get you to see that it is your son who is the problem and that wasting your own life and giving up time with other loved ones is not healthy for anybody, including your son. He needs to know you love him, but that you are very disgusted with HIS behavior. I don't think the other guy is a bigger criminal than your son is. If that had happened to one of my kids, I'd want BOTH of them locked up for a long time.

    I hope you one day see your son clearly.

    I don't know how anyone can help you move on with you life when you see your son as a poor victim. We would love to help you, but you ignore our pleas to get help for yourself and let your son be the man he is and deal with what he did...see it as his victims saw it.

    At any rate, I don't feel I can help you anymore, but I'm sure there are others who still will try.

    Wishing you clarity, and with that clarity, help for YOU, kindness to YOURSELF, and healing of your broken heart. THAT we can all relate to. We are holding your hand and hoping you do start treating yourself well. You deserve that. You are an unusually caring person and do not deserve to be dragged down to the degree that you are letting this drag you down.

    Hope you end up thriving and that your son someday gets help too and realizes what he did. Peace :)
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  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This seems to be moving along rather quickly from what I have seen of criminal trials.

    If there is anything good you can hang your hat on is that once the trial is over then he will move on to a prison which will most probably be a better situation than the county jail. I dont know which county jail your son is in and it really doesnt matter but most simply arent much good.

    I do think your son has some things in his favor. From what I understand he is a first time offender which should mean his sentence is less however most charges do have sentencing minimums. They may also bundle some things up.