Bail raised to $600,000!! insanity!

[Woriedmom]

Hello everyone, haven't been here in I don't know how long but the update is ...he's still in the county jail...even if we had $60,000 my husband wouldn't bail him out. So... he's been in there since the arrest on July 23,2014 ...it's a madhouse in the jail. It's overcrowded...guards selling drugs to the inmates...everyone's getting high...they make their own alcohol etc.etc. I'm horrified at what this county jail allows. I'm sure the warden isn't aware of everything...or if she is she is trying to catch these scum bucket inmates and the shady guards. Good news is that my son has been sending letters full of scriptures...needless to say he's giving an open plea of guilty so that his fate is in the hands of the judge. So...in a way he HAS to be praying. I can only hope it is genuine, I'm not God so I don't know. I'd be really fearful if I were him. He needs his strength not if and when he goes to Prison but now. As I said it's a madhouse in there ... guards have their favorites. He's not using in there, says he doesn't need anymore commissary $ than the little we can afford to give him. I don't even know who this kid is anymore ( sorry, I mean young man) which by the way his birthday was yesterday. He doesn't say much when I see him, at first I was really worried about him mentally. But his letters prove otherwise, and he did say he enjoys our visits. I know one thing for sure is that if anyone is bothering him ( like raping him ) he wouldn't tell me. He's gotten all his belongings stolen...from his jail clothing, the books I sent him and more importantly the 10 photographs and ALL my letters ( and letters of members of our church ). I replaced his clothing but can do nothing about the personal things. : (
His court dates have been delayed, I'm keeping in close touch with his attorney. Right now we are focusing on my sons character ( not the drug addict but the real character of my son before he got into his drugs ) obviously the judge can see from the police reports, this friend he decided to go along with, etc.etc. that he's made some terrible mistakes in his life. But as Janit says this is first offense and that works in his favor, hopefully anyway. I do not think my son deserves a sentence of 5 to 10, we have rapists and murderers who get that. He drove this other criminal around and a violent criminal at that. Asked my son to get out and help him rob these kids...my son went with him...hit a kid in the leg while his "friend" was robbing kids with a beebee gun...giving the cell phones to my son to hold...so yes, my son is guilty. Don't be fooled guys...a gun is a gun. My son feels EXTREMELY remorseful writing letters on how these kids didn't deserve it. etc.etc. this I do believe he is genuine about. Anyway, he is looking at a mandatory 2 years but can get as much as 20 years!! Next court date is next month where he gives the judge the plea ( will also have to take on his co-defendants armed robbery charge ). Sentencing court date will have to be within 2 months.
I will be praying the Lord's will be done in all this. Those of you who are forgiving Christians please help me pray. I will be back to let you know what time he has to serve.
PS... I am doing much better than I first was.

 

[BusynMember]

The Judge must feel he is a threat to society. I do too from what you've said. I blame him as much as his friend. His friend didn't make him hurt somebody. He chose to go along with it.

I'm not a Christian, but I will pray for all of you, especially you, so that you can find peace and learn to accept who your son is.

Good luck.

 

[Woriedmom]

Midwestmom...you are one tough cookie...would this maybe soften your heart? Perfect Love (Mary's Song) with lyrics

 

[Lil]

MWM doesn't mince words, that's for sure. WM, you clearly see your son as your little boy and that's more than understandable as is your pain at all of this. I pray he's seen the error of his ways and that things go well for you all.

 

[Woriedmom]

...all I'm saying is we are taught to love and forgive, they will have consequences for their terrible actions of course and rightly so..but they are souls nonetheless, should make no difference if they're are children or not.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Somehow- when our kids flounder - we turn that spirit into a mandate that we just have to try harder and love them more and go to battle for them (whether we battle the legal system, the drugs or the difficult child themselves) and that if we put in enough effort- we will persevere. Heck - most of us found this site because we were googling (aka trying harder) ways to "fix" our difficult child's!

Well Said!!!!

 

[BusynMember]

I'm not a Christian, WorriedMom. I have my own beliefs though and they are more Buddhist. I can say I do understand your feeling sad for your son, but I don't. He assaulted somebody and had six witnesses testify against him. That is more than the average difficult child. I think your son probably has some sociopath in him or he couldn't have done what he did, no matter who he was with. I believe his punishment will be just, no matter what it is. He is way beyond the realm of most of our difficult children who mostly just harm themselves or do non-violent crimes. I am very strict about violence and don't want violent individuals on the street.

Your son is a man. What happens happens. I do not wish him any harm wherever he ends up. I wish him sincere (emphasized) self-reflection and a change in attitude. I thought you were going to show me a tape of a boy in jail, which may have softened my heart a little, for the moment, depending on what he did. Now I don't believe non-violent drug users should go to jail so I'm not aht hardhearted. In fact, I'm considered a diehard liberal, which most Americans think of as "socialist." I feel for t he downtrodden, the sick, those without money...I give to charities, have adopted and fostered needy children and animals, have sponsored children from different countries, have worked with the homeless in a shelter and cried buckets, and done many things to help other people. I think the death penalty is barbaric.

I just can't feel sorry for your son. It is YOU I feel sorry for. I am hoping that YOU can learn to live your life, in spite of whatever your son has to go through. Most of us have had to do just that.

Once an adult child goes beyond just self-destruction and/or non-violence, I consider that person somebody who needs to be off the streets as it could very well happen again and again unless there are serious consequences. You need to understand that your son did a VERY bad thing...he hurt somebody on top of terrorizing six minor children. All your focus is on him, not the victims. Even as a diehard liberal who wishes mercy on almost everybody, I can not feel this for your son. I believe he will get justice, whatever the Judge feels that means, and I hope that someday you can move on in your life and let your son write his own life story. He most certainly will end up where he is over and over again if he hooks up with those who pick on minors and use guns and assault. He has a long way to go. It won't be fast or easy, if he changes. His words, while he is behind bars, are not necessarily how he really feels. We'll see how he does once he's out, whenever that is. I most certainly will forgive him and be very proud of him if he actually turns his life around. I don't believe you can help him do this though. It has to be coming from inside of him deep.

In the meantime, he needs to learn that you don't victimize children and you most certainly don't hurt them or hold a weapon over them. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. It needs correcting. But I hope YOU go on with your life while your son is possibly learning the biggest and best lesson of his life...crime doesn't pay. the vast majority of our kids are here because of drug use, not THAT sort of crime. I do feel for drug addicts because it is an illness. Assaulting minors is not an illness. It is just being mean. I'll let the others weigh in now. I'm very gone.

 

[donna723]

WM, Midwestmom is not saying those things to you to be cruel. Yes, she is blunt and says exactly what's on her mind. But she is a realist and she's only trying to get you to see the situation for what it is. To you, he's still your little boy that you love and worry about and see in only the best possible light. To you he is "special" and deserves to be loved and forgiven. I used to work in a Close Security state prison that housed over 1,200 inmates. Every one of them knew there were consequences for the crimes they committed and committed the crimes anyway. And almost every one of them has a mama out there who loves them and thinks they are "special". Every one of them was somebody's little boy. Yes, there is a place for love and forgiveness but there is also a place for consequences for breaking the law, for inflicting harm on innocent victims. I guarantee you that the courts are not going to see your son as special or as a misguided little boy who deserves to be forgiven and sent on his way. If he should be excused for what he did, what about all the others, many of them with less serious charges than what your son is facing. Should they all just be excused too? Not everyone in prison is a bad person. Some are. But some are basically good people who did bad things. However this comes out, if your son sees the light and decides that this is not the way he wants to live, then it's all for the good.

 

[GuideMe]

WM, please keep us updated and let us know how it goes. I will be praying for you and your son.

 

[Hope_Floats]

WM, you love your son and always will. I understand that. I also love my son very much. But sometimes I don't LIKE him. And sometimes trying to support and defend him too much as an adult, only validates and enables his feeling like a victim, and not learning how to be Godly instead.

I would HIGHLY recommend two books for you that may resonate with you enough to help you begin to build your own life again, and leave the parenting of an adult to God himself. You give yourself too much credit for having power that you don't have, but wish you did, to "fix" him. When I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent (NavPress) and Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents by Allison Bottke (Harvest House Publishers), which is my favorite. Allison writes from a Christian perspective and also has a son who has spent time in jail. She lovingly lays down the path to take in order to free yourself from the overwhelming bondage of guilt, fear, shame, anger, frustration, grief, and denial. You can (and must) get of the catastrophe carousel and find hope and healing.

I will leave you with a quote that you might not like, but that I hope will help you begin a necessary shift in perspective:

"When a parent places mercy above God's clear directives, they inadvertently endorse behavior that is atithetical to faith." -Author Don Otis, in an interview.

I wish you peace.