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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 616737" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ok, I have a few thoughts and you can take them or disregard them.</p><p></p><p>You shouldn't be telling him not to work because it's too cold. My autistic son is twenty and I would never tell him not to go to work because of the cold. He takes a cab too. But he is twenty and has to learn to do things on his own and make his own decisions. I am proud of him and he wants to move out next year and I'm happy he is embracing independence. Your son is right to be upset if you still treat him like he is a minor child.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, bipolar or not, he has to learn to take care of his disorder and needs to eventually move out, be respectful to you, take his medication, and keep your house peaceful. He needs to do his chores and help you, his mother. I think he should pay rent too. Why do you still support him? So what if he expects it? He shouldn't. Can he get disability? He should be moving toward Independence as none of us can live forever and all of us deserve to have lives where we put our own needs first. We should not be 60-70 and still supporting our grown kids for ANY reason. There are services to help disabled adults.</p><p></p><p>Your son may have hallucinations or night terrors. Does it matter which? It is up to him to seek treatment for either/or. You can't take care of him anymore. He is of age and legally responsible for his own treatment. I would insist, as a condition of living at home, that he see a psychiatrist and comply with his medication. If not...well....he can't live at home.</p><p></p><p>If this were my son, no way would HE call the shots.I agree with your friend that he should comply with your rules. Your house/your rules.He should either have to go to work or move out. He should either have to take his medications every day or move out. He should either be respectful to you or move out. He should not be dictating the rules to YOU. You can find the shelters in your area, hand them to him, and he can live there if he can't be nice to you and do what other 24 year olds do such as work and take care of their healthcare. As for your sister saying he CAN'T comply without medication...well, I don't know if I buy this is true, but, if it is, just one more reason why taking his medication and seeing a psychiatrist NOW, not a month away, should in my opinion be mandatory in order to be living in YOUR house (it is not his house).</p><p></p><p>At 24, you would probably feel better if you learn to detach, which is a process in of itself. You do not mention if your son uses recreational drugs but he drinks and wakes up drunk. I would guess he has an alcohol problem, whether or not he claims it is to get hm to sleep. There are better medications, prescribed, to help him sleep. I believe he is playing you. I would go to a Al-anon meeting to learn how to live with somebody who has substance abuse issues and to detach. I'd also go to NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) as a caregiver of an adult child with bipolar to get suggestions. But I truly think you need to stop enabling his behavior and start taking better care of YOU. Your son is no longer your baby. He is a grown adult man. He has to grow up or he will never grow up. And you DESERVE a peaceful, good life...free of this adult child's drama. This is my opinion based on my real life experiences. So take what you will and leave the rest.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 616737, member: 1550"] Ok, I have a few thoughts and you can take them or disregard them. You shouldn't be telling him not to work because it's too cold. My autistic son is twenty and I would never tell him not to go to work because of the cold. He takes a cab too. But he is twenty and has to learn to do things on his own and make his own decisions. I am proud of him and he wants to move out next year and I'm happy he is embracing independence. Your son is right to be upset if you still treat him like he is a minor child. On the other hand, bipolar or not, he has to learn to take care of his disorder and needs to eventually move out, be respectful to you, take his medication, and keep your house peaceful. He needs to do his chores and help you, his mother. I think he should pay rent too. Why do you still support him? So what if he expects it? He shouldn't. Can he get disability? He should be moving toward Independence as none of us can live forever and all of us deserve to have lives where we put our own needs first. We should not be 60-70 and still supporting our grown kids for ANY reason. There are services to help disabled adults. Your son may have hallucinations or night terrors. Does it matter which? It is up to him to seek treatment for either/or. You can't take care of him anymore. He is of age and legally responsible for his own treatment. I would insist, as a condition of living at home, that he see a psychiatrist and comply with his medication. If not...well....he can't live at home. If this were my son, no way would HE call the shots.I agree with your friend that he should comply with your rules. Your house/your rules.He should either have to go to work or move out. He should either have to take his medications every day or move out. He should either be respectful to you or move out. He should not be dictating the rules to YOU. You can find the shelters in your area, hand them to him, and he can live there if he can't be nice to you and do what other 24 year olds do such as work and take care of their healthcare. As for your sister saying he CAN'T comply without medication...well, I don't know if I buy this is true, but, if it is, just one more reason why taking his medication and seeing a psychiatrist NOW, not a month away, should in my opinion be mandatory in order to be living in YOUR house (it is not his house). At 24, you would probably feel better if you learn to detach, which is a process in of itself. You do not mention if your son uses recreational drugs but he drinks and wakes up drunk. I would guess he has an alcohol problem, whether or not he claims it is to get hm to sleep. There are better medications, prescribed, to help him sleep. I believe he is playing you. I would go to a Al-anon meeting to learn how to live with somebody who has substance abuse issues and to detach. I'd also go to NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) as a caregiver of an adult child with bipolar to get suggestions. But I truly think you need to stop enabling his behavior and start taking better care of YOU. Your son is no longer your baby. He is a grown adult man. He has to grow up or he will never grow up. And you DESERVE a peaceful, good life...free of this adult child's drama. This is my opinion based on my real life experiences. So take what you will and leave the rest. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart! [/QUOTE]
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