Basket C, but so annoying!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Christy, May 22, 2008.

  1. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Okay, I'm not willing to cause a meltdown over this but my son's table manners are so horrible.

    He is almost 10 but eats like a two year old. He takes huge bites and chews with his mouth open. He talks with his mouth full. He eats with his hands. He slops food on the table, floor, and himself. He is not aware of needing to wipe his mouth and when told to do so he uses his shirt rather than a napkin, he gulps his drink all down at once and burps loudly. Ice cream cones are a disaster. He has little social awareness and is therefore unmotivatied by the embarrassment factor. He has worked on this in social skills class but it hasn't helped so far. He's oppositional so mentioning it only makes it worse.

    Any ideas?
    Thanks
    Christy
     
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ya know, the daycare difficult child 1 went to....well, all the kids that went there say the same thing....they hated it, but they darn sure learned table manners!
    ***
    Wish I had ideas. Except maybe video him? Would he care?
     
  3. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Never thought of videoing. I did considering putting him in front of a mirror to eat. Thanks.
     
  4. dirobb

    dirobb I am a CD addict

    my kiddo used to think we we just tourturing them with table manners. Until they had a friend over who had extremely bad table manners they were floored. But it gave us an avenue to dicuss further with them how others viewed them.

    But, alas its still something we struggle with all of them. SO no anwers here. just understanding.
     
  5. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Hi,
    in the moment it could be basket C , but one could always out of the moment do proactive basket B , parallel learning, exploring the issues in an objective way. The same for basket A , we still in a proactive way do basket B.
    here are 2 you tube vidoes


    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI-UY5srfDk"]YouTube - Good Table Manners - 1951 Coronet Instructional Film[/ame]

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvlvciTRRrQ&feature=related"]YouTube - Table Manners[/ame]

    Allan
     
  6. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Thanks for the videos Allen. Not sure if they would hold my son's interest but it gave me an idea. I homeschool and I am going to do a unit on table manners. I will not mention it at all during mealtime and will be curious if he applies what we learned about. Maybe I can find a social skills story online.
     
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Christy,

    Both of my difficult children have manners that guarantee that I won't have to buy a prom dress, pay for a wedding or a wedding rehearsal dinner! :laughing: At least, as of today.

    Saying that, wm has recently been diagnosis'd with visual spatial issues.

    We have been slowly working on putting the utensil down between bites; waiting 10 minutes before second helpings. A glass of water before a meal.

    At the table we work on one thing at a time. For wm, at group home, it's slowing down. For kt, here at home, it's using her fork versus her fingers.

    I find this to be one of the most "disgusting" aspects of my difficult children. I hate ugly table manners.

    Practice with difficult child & good luck.
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ditto.
    Our son is getting better. We simply make him leave the table if he can't eat properly. It rarely happens any more. :)
     
  9. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Christy,
    Homeschooling does provide many learning opportunites , so table manners would be an interesting topic. When learning takes place in the ' constructivist tradition ' , both with academic learning and also socio-moral learning , where the child reconstructs the learning, makes new meaning of what he is learning , the lessons become internalized and intergrated.
    A great companion for the book the explosive child is the author Alfie Kohn
    http://alfiekohn.org . The constructivist tradition , the focus on intrinsic motivation , the love of learning and relationships fits in so well with Ross Greene. The key to problem solving , and learning is asking questions , dialog , having a discussion , not just taking in facts and throwing them back. If your child fails to put the solutions or plans into practice it could be that there are still some pathways or missing skills.
    I am also a fan of Myrna Shure , Edward de bono , anything that teaches kids how to think , problem solving skills etc. If kids get better at problem solving , they can come up with various alternative solutions to one problem , they are less likely to become frustrated.

    So good luck with the homeschooling
    Allan
     
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