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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 79522" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry's right - to a large extent, the biggest improvement for us came simply by looking at our child from a different angle. I noticed his behaviour began to improve, even in the time it took me to read the book!</p><p></p><p>I have found - you take what seems relevant to you and constantly keep in touch with where you are going. For us, it IS easier and we are working together as a team much more effectively.</p><p></p><p>If you want an advance preview, I think there is still some discussion on this book in Early Childhood. I got a copy of the book from the library first, because the bookshop was going to take forever. Plus, I get so many books recommended, I just wanted to read it for myself. Then I decided I HAD to have a copy, and it took another six months for it to arrive.</p><p></p><p>Then husband just didn't seem to have the time to read it. He tried, just couldn't get into it. He would fall asleep too readily, too many other issues. He was wanting to help, just couldn't absorb anything from the book - not concrete enough for him. So I wrote a summary for him, to make it easier. And in writing the summary, it consolidated the information in my mind as well.</p><p></p><p>I know some people on this site find the book doesn't help them. I do respect this (although my enthusiasm for the book may indicate otherwise at times) and I think this failure is for a number of reasons - some kids are simply wired a different way, they need yet another lateral thinking method (or worse); some parents can't stop themselves from exploding and hence undermining previous good progress; sometimes one person is doing everything right but everything else in the child's environment is conspiring against them - you have to have others on the same page, for best results.</p><p></p><p>One thing I did see - because I was the one who read the book first, I was automatically implementing it first. This made husband's situation even worse - difficult child 3 had already been showing oppositionality, and now it was all focussed on husband. Not pretty. This made it even harder for husband to come on board - he had a lot of prior parenting techniques to abandon and for a while I think he felt like a ship without a rudder. And all this time, he had difficult child 3 sniping at him and being extra difficult for him.</p><p></p><p>Now it seems easy child 2/difficult child 2 is the focus for oppositionality - she is having trouble trying to 'get' how to handle him, she comes across as a strict schoolmarm. And she is training to be a teacher! I hope she works it out soon.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with it, I really hope it helps you.</p><p></p><p>it's not a cure, it just makes life easier, if you can get this to work at all.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 79522, member: 1991"] Terry's right - to a large extent, the biggest improvement for us came simply by looking at our child from a different angle. I noticed his behaviour began to improve, even in the time it took me to read the book! I have found - you take what seems relevant to you and constantly keep in touch with where you are going. For us, it IS easier and we are working together as a team much more effectively. If you want an advance preview, I think there is still some discussion on this book in Early Childhood. I got a copy of the book from the library first, because the bookshop was going to take forever. Plus, I get so many books recommended, I just wanted to read it for myself. Then I decided I HAD to have a copy, and it took another six months for it to arrive. Then husband just didn't seem to have the time to read it. He tried, just couldn't get into it. He would fall asleep too readily, too many other issues. He was wanting to help, just couldn't absorb anything from the book - not concrete enough for him. So I wrote a summary for him, to make it easier. And in writing the summary, it consolidated the information in my mind as well. I know some people on this site find the book doesn't help them. I do respect this (although my enthusiasm for the book may indicate otherwise at times) and I think this failure is for a number of reasons - some kids are simply wired a different way, they need yet another lateral thinking method (or worse); some parents can't stop themselves from exploding and hence undermining previous good progress; sometimes one person is doing everything right but everything else in the child's environment is conspiring against them - you have to have others on the same page, for best results. One thing I did see - because I was the one who read the book first, I was automatically implementing it first. This made husband's situation even worse - difficult child 3 had already been showing oppositionality, and now it was all focussed on husband. Not pretty. This made it even harder for husband to come on board - he had a lot of prior parenting techniques to abandon and for a while I think he felt like a ship without a rudder. And all this time, he had difficult child 3 sniping at him and being extra difficult for him. Now it seems easy child 2/difficult child 2 is the focus for oppositionality - she is having trouble trying to 'get' how to handle him, she comes across as a strict schoolmarm. And she is training to be a teacher! I hope she works it out soon. Good luck with it, I really hope it helps you. it's not a cure, it just makes life easier, if you can get this to work at all. Marg [/QUOTE]
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