Battle weary indeed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by constlady, Dec 30, 2014.

  1. constlady

    constlady New Member

    Hi, I just found this site and I'm slowly working my way through the posts. I can't tell you how happy I am to find others in the same situation as I am!

    I'm a 50 year old grandmother who has had custody of 4 grandkids for about 5 1/2 years now. Currently a fantastic 16 year old girl, an almost 14 year old boy who has given me a run for the money but seems to have turned the corner and 8 year old twins, one of each. The twins were born with opiates in their system and went with their then 5 year old brother straight from the hospital into foster care. 2 1/2 years later I finally got custody of them.
    The little boy has a slight case of ADD, just finally put him on Concerta last year after trying to avoid it for some time. He's sweet and loving and just a little fidgety.

    His twin sister however has been a test since she was 2 1/2 when she came into my household. I recognized immediately that there was something very off about her (I raised 3 of my own kids plus a cousin so I do have some experience with the wide range of "normal" kid behaviors and she wasn't even on the map!) but fought with the pediatrician for over 2 years before finally getting a referral to a developmental pediatrician who diagnosed her with ADHD combined type, ODD and said that she checked several boxes on the spectrum evaluation but not quite enough to receive a diagnosis. We've also observed sensory issues with her.
    Life has been challenging to say the least. She's currently on Ritalin, Tenex and Celexa for the anxiety and depression caused by the Ritalin.

    The last few months have been a rapid downward spiral. We noticed absence seizure symptoms and her EEG both confirmed absence seizures and indicated possible complex seizure activity as well. We have an appointment soon with a pediatric neurologist.
    She's escalated her behavior to constant lying and stealing, at home and in school and added urinating and defecating in her room on top of it. Every minute of every day, from the second she opens her eyes to the second she's tucked in a night feels like a battle with her.
    This Christmas was the topper, she stole presents from under the tree (hers and her older brother's) and snuck off to open them during our family's annual Christmas Eve gathering.

    I'm a single grandparent with a full time job and 3 other kids to deal with so clearly I'm living stressed and frustrated every single day. Trying to handle her all by myself takes so much away from the other kids who don't get nearly enough of my time and attention which they so deserve.

    I'm glad to have found a place where I don't feel so alone.

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  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to our corner of the world Constlady, you are most definitely not alone any longer! I'm sorry that the one twin is not doing so well. She reminds me a lot of my son at that age so I definitely understand how much of a challenge you are facing.

    One book that can be helpful is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I noticed she saw a developmental pediatrician. Has she ever seen a child psychiatrist or seen a neuro-psychologist for an exam? These can add to a more complete picture of what is going on although it does sound like you have a good handle on what is going on.

    Again, welcome-glad you found us but sorry you needed to.
  3. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    From one grandma to another, big hugs. I swear, I worry so much more about my grandson than I ever worried about my own! I work full time, too (I'm 62) but don't think I can ever retire because of how much support my daughter needs (she's a difficult child, too, but functioning well now) and her 8 year old son, who can suck the life and light out of a room and replace it with the most toxic stuff imaginable within seconds.

    You definitely have your hands full, but you landed in the right place.:flirtysmile3: