Hi all. Just to update. Went to therapy session & we both agreed to pay half each. The session was rough but I "sat on my lips" and let my daughter speak for approx 70% of the time because she says I never listen to her. The therapist was fair and told my daughter that perhaps she was using me as an "emotional punching bag" and that I had feelings too! Wow! She did not like that! She accused me of a lot of stuff some true and others lies. She has always been a convincing liar. At the end I paid my share but she was going to pay on Internet banking Bare in mind as a teenager she would steal regularly from me money. Clothes, a Watch , jewellery, my car keys. Run up $1000 phone bills every 3 months. I was quite shaken and tearful but glad I went as the therapist tried to get her to see things from my point of view too. I haven't seen my grand child for 4 1/2 weeks as she's "too busy". I devastated. I was told during the session that I was only allowed to contact her via text or e mail. And that she would only like to see me at the therapists. She "needs" a break from me for at least 3 months!! I need a break from her actually! But I want to see my little grand child. It's the little ones birthday this week so will see her then. She's only 2 will she have forgotten me? Also I got a message from the therapist to say that my daughter didn't pay her share of the session! Typical. I would normally pay out of embarrassment but I think it's my daughters responsibility not mine. She is very well off I'm not. My daughter messaged me to say that she doesn't see the point of going therapy as I didn't admit to all my wrongdoings! I think she's scared of going back as she will be exposed and she prefers to demonise me and not see me as her mum who does good things too. She sees everything in black and white. She was quite cold yet venomous towards me at the therapist. She didn't like the fact that the therapist was a woman and told her that she prefers men! She also stated that she has a "great" relationship with her Dad! All lies. She kept bringing him into it to goad me but I refused to rise to the bait. Perhaps when she needs help next time she should call him not me. He has always been unwilling to help in any emergency. It's always me. If she needs anything it's me ever since he left when she was 11. He switches his phone off at 9pm. Once we had a car accident and he was u reachable. Yet he is forgiven and Iam the devil! I'm deflated as I believe the therapist would have helped us. I messaged my daughter back and told her that I loved her, wanted our relationship to be better and that I thought we should continue therapy. I also told her I was sorry if I ever hurt her. I have kept myself really busy every day but still every morning I wake up and have that ache in the pit of my stomach for my grand child. She is punishing me and the baby that is so cruel. I have gained weight as I have been so down and unwell. Yesterday I went for a 40 minute walk for the first time in months. Today I am going swimming. I have let myself go. I have not socialised as I felt dead inside. I'm going to look after myself beyter. I used to be funny, outgoing and loving. I need to be me again. I don't want to be sad, angry, bitter. But what do I do now with my daughter? Do I just go to grandchilds party and pretend? I can and will. Sorry it's such a long posting. Tbh I have been scared to post as I'm getting paranoid she might see it! Do t know how. Thank you all x
BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
- Thread starter Lioness
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry you are so upset.
In my opinion, you do nothing about your daughter. There is n othing you CAN do, except keep dancing with her and getting hurt. She is 30 and is free to be cruel and withhold her child from you. I figured the therapy would bust because she would get angry that t he therapist would be neutral. Go to the party and focus on grandchild and that's all.
When people abuse us, I am learning that we blow them up to be bigger than life and more powerful than the air we breathe. We become childlike and afraid. We worry that their lies are true. The only way to take your power back and be a totally free and happy person is to stop giving your daughter so much power. You have other kids and grands who are nice to you and welcoming and you do have friends. You are letting her take over your life and becoming unhealthy and depressed because of her. It is in my opinion a good idea that you let go of her behavior, because it is unlikely to change no matter what you do, or give yourself up and shiver at the thought of your daughter, who is just a person and not a very nice person at that. You have had to live through her having other children and you survived. You'll survive this too, unless you have a heart attck from how sick she you are allowing her to make you. Would you put up with that if she was anyone but your daughter? If not, think about why you put up with it from her. She has not yanked your grandchild from you yet, and you can't control if she does. It is something that is out of your hands. You can be nice to Daughter and she will not respect you. You can set boundaries and she will at least respect you a little. She will be very angry, but that's only because she is not nice and feels entitled to being able to beat you up. Kind of like the husband who batters his wife and she's too afraid to leave him. It isn't different. You owe her nothing at her age, except to be kind to her if she is kind to you. And she's not.
This journey is your own. You can take steps to make your life different a nd probably better or you can keep trying. You know t he definition of insanity? Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
It's up to you if you want to change your response to your daughter, to shrink her down to normal size, to not freak out if she throws some abusive lie about you at you...it is up to you even if you want to listen to her nonsense.
It is all within your power, but first you have to admit what your daughter is like, accept it, and move on. To keep trying to hope that s he sees the light is a waste of time and an insult to your children who are kind to you and don't want you to be sick. Your daughter is controlling your life and you are allowing it. We can tell you it's not a good thing and it won't change anything, but only you can decide to shrink this daughter's powerful, toxic presence in your life.
Nobody can do it for you. We will gladly support you and empathize, but we can't do it for you.
I know your grandchild is important to you, but you have more than one and you can't save this one from his mother. She is what she is. Unless you want to call CPS (and you need proof of abuse) and go for custody, she's in the driver's seat and will do what she wants to do with that.
I hope you choose yourself first one day. Wishing you peace f or today and some deep contemplation about how you want to maybe change your life regarding this daughter.
In my opinion, you do nothing about your daughter. There is n othing you CAN do, except keep dancing with her and getting hurt. She is 30 and is free to be cruel and withhold her child from you. I figured the therapy would bust because she would get angry that t he therapist would be neutral. Go to the party and focus on grandchild and that's all.
When people abuse us, I am learning that we blow them up to be bigger than life and more powerful than the air we breathe. We become childlike and afraid. We worry that their lies are true. The only way to take your power back and be a totally free and happy person is to stop giving your daughter so much power. You have other kids and grands who are nice to you and welcoming and you do have friends. You are letting her take over your life and becoming unhealthy and depressed because of her. It is in my opinion a good idea that you let go of her behavior, because it is unlikely to change no matter what you do, or give yourself up and shiver at the thought of your daughter, who is just a person and not a very nice person at that. You have had to live through her having other children and you survived. You'll survive this too, unless you have a heart attck from how sick she you are allowing her to make you. Would you put up with that if she was anyone but your daughter? If not, think about why you put up with it from her. She has not yanked your grandchild from you yet, and you can't control if she does. It is something that is out of your hands. You can be nice to Daughter and she will not respect you. You can set boundaries and she will at least respect you a little. She will be very angry, but that's only because she is not nice and feels entitled to being able to beat you up. Kind of like the husband who batters his wife and she's too afraid to leave him. It isn't different. You owe her nothing at her age, except to be kind to her if she is kind to you. And she's not.
This journey is your own. You can take steps to make your life different a nd probably better or you can keep trying. You know t he definition of insanity? Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
It's up to you if you want to change your response to your daughter, to shrink her down to normal size, to not freak out if she throws some abusive lie about you at you...it is up to you even if you want to listen to her nonsense.It is all within your power, but first you have to admit what your daughter is like, accept it, and move on. To keep trying to hope that s he sees the light is a waste of time and an insult to your children who are kind to you and don't want you to be sick. Your daughter is controlling your life and you are allowing it. We can tell you it's not a good thing and it won't change anything, but only you can decide to shrink this daughter's powerful, toxic presence in your life.
Nobody can do it for you. We will gladly support you and empathize, but we can't do it for you.
I know your grandchild is important to you, but you have more than one and you can't save this one from his mother. She is what she is. Unless you want to call CPS (and you need proof of abuse) and go for custody, she's in the driver's seat and will do what she wants to do with that.
I hope you choose yourself first one day. Wishing you peace f or today and some deep contemplation about how you want to maybe change your life regarding this daughter.
Scent of Cedar *
Well-Known Member
I see so many good things happening for you now, lioness. I was so pleased to read that you are taking care of yourself, that you realize you have been isolating, that you miss laughter and flexibility and generosity in your life.
I loved reading those things, actually.
Regarding your daughter, and the toddler's birthday party.
You cannot go, lioness. In my opinion, you need to take yourself out of the game. Trust that the child will come to love you; know that you will always love her, however this plays out in the present.
Take that weapon out of your daughter's hands.
For now, in my opinion, you have done all the right things and your daughter has shown her true colors.
Believe her, Lioness.
Love your grand from a distance if that is what is required of you, now.
Please remove yourself from the situation.
When you do, I believe your daughter will re-engage with you. She enjoys this game, I think, Lioness.
I was not surprised to learn that your daughter did not pay for her portion of therapy. I am pleased that you did not pay for her.
I love that you did not pay for her.
I was not surprised to learn that your daughter used the opportunity of therapy to hate you in front of a witness. I did not believe she would use this golden opportunity for any other purpose.
It is not your fault that your child says or does or chooses to believe as she does, Lioness. Believe the words she says to you are the words she means to say. Respond accordingly. Please do not force yourself to sacrifice anymore of yourself for the benefit of someone who will see even that noble act with hatred and derision.
We need not to feed or enable hatred, Lioness. My sincere hope for you is that you will again find those places in your life where there were friends, and generous laughter, and where you were able to cherish yourself.
Your daughter is determined to hurt you. She has made this excruciatingly clear to you. She believed a therapist would validate her position because she believes it so strongly herself.
But she was wrong, Lioness.
That is the priceless beginning piece of your freedom from your daughter's hatred that you learned, in therapy.
Is it possible for you to continue to see this therapist yourself? I hope you never pay your daughter's portion of that therapy appointment, Lioness. If you do see this therapist on your own, please make that very clear from the beginning.
You are doing well, Lioness. I am sorry your daughter is behaving as she is. None of this is your fault. Your daughter is whining and blaming when what she needs to do is stand up.
Other than refusing to enable Lioness, you cannot help her do that, and you cannot do that for her.
Cedar
Cedar Thank you for taking the time to reply so quickly. I have been gathering my thoughts all day. I need to toughen my resolve. I considered not attending my grand child's birthday but I am going to go as I deserve to be there and refuse to be pushed out. I will go with my head held high. All my son in laws family and parents are lovely and we get on. That's something she hates. I am usually a very personable person and get on with everyone. She is the only person that hates me. I do wish that she hadn't refused to continue therapy as I wanted to air my grievances. But deep down i knew she couldn't cope with that. Cedar I think I may go see the therapist alone. Just for a couple of sessions as money is tight. I need all the help I can get and I need to take control of my life. I just wish I could take away the sick feeling I have every morning when I wake up.
I
I'm sorry you are so upset.
In my opinion, you do nothing about your daughter. There is n othing you CAN do, except keep dancing with her and getting hurt. She is 30 and is free to be cruel and withhold her child from you. I figured the therapy would bust because she would get angry that t he therapist would be neutral. Go to the party and focus on grandchild and that's all.
When people abuse us, I am learning that we blow them up to be bigger than life and more powerful than the air we breathe. We become childlike and afraid. We worry that their lies are true. The only way to take your power back and be a totally free and happy person is to stop giving your daughter so much power. You have other kids and grands who are nice to you and welcoming and you do have friends. You are letting her take over your life and becoming unhealthy and depressed because of her. It is in my opinion a good idea that you let go of her behavior, because it is unlikely to change no matter what you do, or give yourself up and shiver at the thought of your daughter, who is just a person and not a very nice person at that. You have had to live through her having other children and you survived. You'll survive this too, unless you have a heart attck from how sick she you are allowing her to make you. Would you put up with that if she was anyone but your daughter? If not, think about why you put up with it from her. She has not yanked your grandchild from you yet, and you can't control if she does. It is something that is out of your hands. You can be nice to Daughter and she will not respect you. You can set boundaries and she will at least respect you a little. She will be very angry, but that's only because she is not nice and feels entitled to being able to beat you up. Kind of like the husband who batters his wife and she's too afraid to leave him. It isn't different. You owe her nothing at her age, except to be kind to her if she is kind to you. And she's not.
This journey is your own. You can take steps to make your life different a nd probably better or you can keep trying. You know t he definition of insanity? Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
It is all within your power, but first you have to admit what your daughter is like, accept it, and move on. To keep trying to hope that s he sees the light is a waste of time and an insult to your children who are kind to you and don't want you to be sick. Your daughter is controlling your life and you are allowing it. We can tell you it's not a good thing and it won't change anything, but only you can decide to shrink this daughter's powerful, toxic presence in your life.
Nobody can do it for you. We will gladly support you and empathize, but we can't do it for you.
I know your grandchild is important to you, but you have more than one and you can't save this one from his mother. She is what she is. Unless you want to call CPS (and you need proof of abuse) and go for custody, she's in the driver's seat and will do what she wants to do with that.
I hope you choose yourself first one day. Wishing you peace f or today and some deep contemplation about how you want to maybe change your life regarding this daughter.
SeekingStrength
Well-Known Member
Lioness,
I also am proud of you....and here is another vote for not attending the birthday party. I fear it would bring more pain than joy.
You are starting to take care of yourself. One can feel it in your posts. You will feel better inside and out and get stronger and stronger.
I hope you post all the time about the nice changes you are making for yourself every day.
I also agree with Cedar that your daughter will try to re-engage you; You probably do not have to worry that she will disappear. She gets some sort of sick satisfaction out of it. (Lioness, my son does the same).
After some distance and you feeling stronger and more in control of the situation, it will be more on your terms than hers.
Hugs for a beautiful day for YOU,
SS
Thank you so much. I want to be stronger and fight for my rights as a member of the human race. I can't change my daughter but I can change me and how I react. She has contacted me this week via text to ask me to pick up the cakes she ordered from a local bakery near my house. That is the only communication we have had. I refuse to call or text her. She didn't want any contact with me outside of the therapists office. Well she has decided to not go again. Iam not ringing her to see where I stand now, that's just begging. My only problem is when do I see my grand child? It's been 5 whole weeks! She is my only grand. Child. I look at her toys at my house and just cry. So today I put them out of sight. I even have a cot that she sleeps in since she was two months old she has stayed once a week overnight at my house whilst her mum rests or goes out with her husband. I miss that baby so much. Who is helping her now? She must be using his mum but I feel bad for her as she is quite old and gets very tired. My daughter incidentally doesn't like her mother in laws house as its a little to messy and dirty. She's a lovely lady but my daughter has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) so finds it hard to even visit her mother in law. Having said that she is a lovely lady and we get on really well. Tomorrow I'm making the effort to meet up with friends and getting my hair done in the morning as I want to look my best if I do go to the party. I know everyone has advised me on here not to go but I feel that if I didn't go she would use it against me. Also I don't see why I shouldn't go I have every right to be there. Wish me luck!Lioness,
I also am proud of you....and here is another vote for not attending the birthday party. I fear it would bring more pain than joy.
You are starting to take care of yourself. One can feel it in your posts. You will feel better inside and out and get stronger and stronger.
I hope you post all the time about the nice changes you are making for yourself every day.
I also agree with Cedar that your daughter will try to re-engage you; You probably do not have to worry that she will disappear. She gets some sort of sick satisfaction out of it. (Lioness, my son does the same).
After some distance and you feeling stronger and more in control of the situation, it will be more on your terms than hers.
Hugs for a beautiful day for YOU,
SS
What the? Borderline (BPD) daughter hadn't spoken to me at all them she send a jolly group chat text saying she's looking forward to seeing us at the babys party!! We are going to a play area for toddlers with ball pits, climbing and soft play. So in her group chat she adds "Mind mums legs as she's in pain" ha! What does she care?!! She hasn't bothered with me at all. She said she wanted "space" from me do I haven't contacted her. But when I do that she starts trying to suck me in again. She can be sickly sweet and kind!! She is so insecure and just wants to see if she can get to me again! She must be exhausted playing these games all the time. I have had a good week apart from stressing about the party. I'm so looking forward to seeing my grand daughter I do hope she comes to me. I miss her so much. My daughter even sent me a photo of her to my phone! Don't worry I know what the score is and I'm guarding my heart. I'm just going to see my grand daughter.
Scent of Cedar *
Well-Known Member
I agree. That's okay though, as long as you are aware of it. I know how much you wanted to attend the party. I am happy your daughter is making it easy for you to be there. As you become stronger, as you find allies to think things through with, your daughter's tactics will change because you will be stronger. Maybe, your daughter will be more pleasant to be around because you are stronger.
That would be great, Lioness.
Wishing well; hope you enjoy the party and seeing your little grand.
Cedar
Thank you for understanding how much seeing my grand daughter means to me. If I dont go she will have won in her eyes. She would love to say that she invited me but I didn't turn up. So her game isn't working. So excited to see her tomorrow. Hugs x
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
This isn't a power struggle. Your daughter is sadistic toward you. You need to do only what you can handle. Your daughter may be narcissist instead of or along with borderline. Read up on narcissist personality disorder too. Their thing is to abuse you but never let you go by seducing you back just when you are fed up enough to leave them. They act charming until you are back and then the abuse starts again. These people are sick but also dangerous and they are not psychotic. Their hurting is cold, calculated, deliberate and they don't change. They like to have power over certain chosen others.
I am in favor of celebrating grandchilds birthday when you have her alone. You don't need that party. But if you want to go avoid your daughter. Please try to accept who and how she is and get help. You are giving too much of your life to her. It will make you stressed and sick and you will then be no good to anyone, including graNdchild, other family or yourself.
Take care.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Hi Billy. You participate with your daughter in a volley of negativity in your head. I know because I do it myself, with my sister.
I know how it is to be deliberately hurt by somebody, to be excluded and then when you are invited in, to be deliberately played with, toyed with, singled out for abuse.
My sister is like this. No matter how far away from her I stayed in my life, she would try to lure me back. I would feel strong. And SWAT. She would zing me, by doing something extraordinarily hurtful. I used to think that she was like this to everybody, and minimize it because it was not personal to me.
I think otherwise now.
Yes she may do it to many others. But she deliberately does it worse to me. It is deliberate. It will never stop.
I have no contact with my sister. But sometimes, I cheat. I look at pictures of her house on the internet that I have never seen in a far away City where I have never been. She has a moderately important job so her pictures are on the internet, too. I cheat and I look. I miss her.
When I do that Billy, I am doing as you do now. I am renting space in my head to her. For her to hurt me.
I am using a number of Swotisms here and I must credit her: Don't cheat. Renting Space in my head. Thank you SWOT. You have helped to clarify so much.
When I do that, cheat, and let my sister into my head, feeling resentments towards her for the so many ways she has chosen to hurt me, I am selling myself out. Even though I have not seen her for 2 and a half years and may never see her again in my lifetime, I am allowing her to hurt me.
And you do this too, by sparring with your daughter in your head. You are renting space in your head for your daughter to abuse you.
My Mother was very close with my sister's twin daughters. From the time they were newborns she went to my sister's house everyday to help my sister clean, wash clothes and even cook. This was the most selfless act that I recall my mother ever doing in her life. It is painful to remember because my mother did not do such a thing for me, ever.
While my Mother helped my sister she was always abused, slighted and humiliated by her. My sister accepted her help but kicked her in the face. Sometimes the abuse was public.
My Mother was beautiful and elegant and poised and successful. Nobody made my mother a victim. But my sister did.
It is not your fault Billy. But stop renting space in your head to your cruel and sadistic daughter.
About 12 years before she died, my Mother had to face that my sister had control over the one thing that she wanted, really needed from my her. The twins.
This was a hard, hard time for my Mother.
My Mother was furious that my sister treated her as she did, but realized that she had to accept that she could and would be denied access to the girls if she took a firm stand.
My Mother did learn how to protect herself some, and I think she felt she had reached some sort of compromise. I do know that she seemed less angry, to have found acceptance if not peace about it.
My Mother worked very hard to have a relationship with her daughters as she got old. It was very important to her.
But the thing is, Billy, at the end of my Mother's life when she was vulnerable my sister did treacherous and hurtful things to her. Horrible things. I was able to protect my Mother from much of it but not all.'
And it turned out that she was betrayed as well by her beloved granddaughters.
I do not think she ever regretted her closeness to them. But they could not or would not take a position contrary to their Mother, even to send their dying Grandmother a card or to call her as she was dying. And they were adults by this time.
What I am trying to say here is this: Capitulating to cruelty never wins. You cannot win, even partially. Because your daughter plays by crooked rules. She does not play fair. You already know this.
Go to the party. Have fun at the party. Learn at the party.
At some point you may decide that playing your daughter's game will bring you nothing but heart ache. It is rigged.
Instead, you have the power to define your terms. Your conditions. Your rules. Where you have at least the possibility of remaining safe. If you do this you will provide your granddaughter a haven. Where she can be in a relationship that is loving, not based upon power and abuse. You can provide a model of a different way to be.
As long as you keep playing by your daughter's rules, your granddaughter will see your abuse at her mother's hands. It is entirely possible that she will learn the rules of the game, and repeat it herself as did my nieces, with my Mother. It is entirely possibility my nieces will betray and hurt their own Mother. After all, at some point my sister will lose her power over them. Power like beauty is fleeting. Love endures.
So what I am trying to say by this story is this: By choosing to protect yourself, you are also choosing for your granddaughter. You teach her by example, by your deeds. What it is to be loving.
There are so many of us that maintained our humanity as children, because we had loving Grandmothers that stood apart from the craziness of our mothers.
There is no wrong thing to do here in the short-run, because you gain either way. Going to the party, you learn. Staying away, you get strong.
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Hi all! My heart is full. Went to my Grand daughters birthday party. She hasn't forgotten me! Hadn't seen Her for 5 whole weeks. Her little face lit up when she saw me and I sang all her favourite greek songs and we played for 4 hours! My daughter was cold and distant at first but I didn't care I was there to see my grand daughter. My daughter eventually warmed up and thanked me for coming she even gave me a kiss. She usually keeps me physically away from her. I know her niceness won't last but seeing my grand daughter was worth so much to me. Don't worry I'm not going to contact her as I'm keeping her on her toes. She is unsure of me as I usually am very loving but I'm not giving anything away any more. Hugs to all
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
How great, Lioness. I am so happy for you and for your Granddaughter. Of course she has not forgotten you. It worked out. You did great.
Have you turned on the news? The Greek people today voted no to continuing the austerity measures imposed by the Euro Zone. It is very, very exciting. And scary.
Is this not interesting? Your daughter is behaving better when you are strong.
As you get stronger, and more sure of yourself, even her meanness will lose its potency. Because you will know what your limits and boundaries are. And you will trust yourself to act on them if they are violated.
You will know in your heart that you will never again allow yourself to be victimized by her.
Good for you, Lioness.
Thank you, thank you. Yes I do appear to be and feel stronger. And it's thanks to the kind people on this forum, my husband and my old school friend. You have all supported me through a dreadfully dark time. I know it isn't over yet. Perhaps not crying in front of her and showing my Achilles heel I.e. My infinite love for my kids, has stumped my daughter. I'm usually predictable I would keep giving and trying. I have stayed away and this has made her insecure. In my culture you give your life up for your kids and nothing is too much. This isn't good boundaries need to be in place. Slowly I hope to re negotiate with her. It's going to be a long road. Tonight I can sleep feeling lighter for the first time this year. As I close my eyes I can see my little Grand daughter and her giggly little face and will sleep with a smile on my lips. Thank you Copabanana x
Copa. I have seen what's going on in Greece and it makes me so sad for the people of Greece. They had a decision to make one was bad the other worse. They chose worse. It's all a bit of a mess and I feel lucky to be living in London away from the crazy. I have been here since ages 6 so consider myself a Londoner with a Greek heart. My heart goes out to the people.
SeekingStrength
Well-Known Member
Thanks for posting this, Lioness. Wonderful to hear you had such a great party experience.
I was worried, but now so glad you showed up.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Hi again, Lioness
Your daughter was born in England, I presume. She has the best of both worlds. One of the richest cultural heritages in the world, and the possibilities that are present in an environment such as London.
Yours is a classic instance of generational conflict in immigrant families. Perhaps it is different among Greeks because they are a tight knit people. But here, the 2nd generation has routinely rejected the cultural norms of their parents, often disrespecting the more traditional roles of their parents.
Lioness, I can only guess how hard this is for you.
I am sorry I criticized your daughter in earlier posts. My intention was not to hurt you. But your daughter has no right to deliberately hurt you in any way. If she wants to communicate directly and respectfully, she has a right to do so, but to hurt you. No.
I am learning to have a voice, too. I am quite passive and deferential. I let my son dominate me.
When he did I felt outrage and disrespected. But I did not know then how to stop it. He did it more. I am changing, too.
You are doing so, so great. This will work, Lioness. I am so happy for you.
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Copa I thank you for criticising my daughter, you had s right to as I needed your opinion. I was in no way upset by it. In a way I needed someone to see things as I do. Having you on my side means a lot. Sometimes I feel that Iam being over sensitive! Your son is lucky to have you and you like I need to be stronger then perhaps they might learn to respect us more. My ex husband is a selfish self centred man who is inflexible. His opinion and he himself is respected more than I. My kids don't expect anything from him, he is a multi millionaire yet they can't rely on him at all. He switches his phone off at 9pm and is uncontactable. He has done this ever since he left when they were very young. They always rely on me for support yet I don't receive the same respect. I feel that our kids are safe in the knowledge that we will never give up on them. That is why they push and push. It is our job to lay down boundaries. Then we may get some respect back. I can't harden my heart but I can try to make the changes you have all advised me to make so I can be a better person and protect myself some more.thank you for holding my hand along this journey.
Thank you so much Seeking Strength for all your kind, wise words and support. I'm back down to earth today and waiting to see what happens now. The ball is in my daughters court. I'm not going to chase her. I usually would phone, text and be available. This she takes for granted so I'm making the change! Hugs
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
When you start to show strength, you are not vulnerable to people who like to bully. They tend to back off. Just keep your back straight and your chin up. Your daughter is still who she is and she isn't going to change. But YOU can and ARE!
Good for you at that party!!!!!!
Good for you at that party!!!!!!
