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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="hopeandjoy66" data-source="post: 658811" data-attributes="member: 18181"><p>The thing I can't reconcile is the love I had when my own children were little hasnt diminished over the years I love them still.</p><p></p><p>Right now Billy, I believe you need to love yourself more. You have shown your love to your Difficult Child over and over and what has that accomplished. Take that energy and put it towards yourself. Your heart is big enough to still love your daughter, other child and grands, but your heart is begging you to love yourself just more.To protect yourself and your health. Pray that one day your Difficult Child may wake up and see herself for who she is. Give up on expectations of what a mother daughter relationship should look like. She is is incapable of doing that. You would never ask a person in a wheel chair to get up and walk. I think she can not do, say or act as you would expect. I think Cedar is right. DNA. Stop blaming how things have turned out because of your divorce. You have another child that has survived the "D" word and even thrived. It wasn't that. If you can put your ex in his spot. Behind you as that was his choosing. You don't need to know that he received a picture of the grand and you didn't. He to is out to hurt you in very subtle but purposeful ways. The less you know about his relationship with Difficult Child the better you are. You are moving forward Billy, he is also holding you back from that.</p><p>I do know what it is like to have a grandchild that we don't see often. My step daughter in law holds our grand daughter back from us. It is very subtle but I do believe she does this to punish her dad that "broke" up the family. This was very hard at first to accept. To feel like we had to do things a certain way if we wanted grand to visit and yet when we did as asked she would say it wasn't okay for grand to visit. Finally we saw it for what it was. It is what it is. Husband and I have moved on with having our own lives and we see her for the obligatory events, birthdays, Christmas ect.... All on the step daughter in law terms. We know one day that our grand will have a will of her own and she will be able to engage with us as she wants. I do believe she still feels our love. It is the best it can be, for now. Your grandson will feel the same. Just imagine that your grand lived on the other side of the world and you could not be with him physically. You would make the best of what little contact you have and I believe that love will transmitted to him anyway. We all can't have relationships with our grandchildren as we want but we will make it the best it can be. </p><p>Hugs for you today Billy. Please love yourself a little bit more each day and you will start to feel that you are worth it. You are 51% more important than your daughter.</p><p></p><p>Read more: <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/bdp-daughter-wants-to-her-i-to-go-family-therapy.60444/page-2#ixzz3cZRMjFaY" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/bdp-daughter-wants-to-her-i-to-go-family-therapy.60444/page-2#ixzz3cZRMjFaY</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hopeandjoy66, post: 658811, member: 18181"] The thing I can't reconcile is the love I had when my own children were little hasnt diminished over the years I love them still. Right now Billy, I believe you need to love yourself more. You have shown your love to your Difficult Child over and over and what has that accomplished. Take that energy and put it towards yourself. Your heart is big enough to still love your daughter, other child and grands, but your heart is begging you to love yourself just more.To protect yourself and your health. Pray that one day your Difficult Child may wake up and see herself for who she is. Give up on expectations of what a mother daughter relationship should look like. She is is incapable of doing that. You would never ask a person in a wheel chair to get up and walk. I think she can not do, say or act as you would expect. I think Cedar is right. DNA. Stop blaming how things have turned out because of your divorce. You have another child that has survived the "D" word and even thrived. It wasn't that. If you can put your ex in his spot. Behind you as that was his choosing. You don't need to know that he received a picture of the grand and you didn't. He to is out to hurt you in very subtle but purposeful ways. The less you know about his relationship with Difficult Child the better you are. You are moving forward Billy, he is also holding you back from that. I do know what it is like to have a grandchild that we don't see often. My step daughter in law holds our grand daughter back from us. It is very subtle but I do believe she does this to punish her dad that "broke" up the family. This was very hard at first to accept. To feel like we had to do things a certain way if we wanted grand to visit and yet when we did as asked she would say it wasn't okay for grand to visit. Finally we saw it for what it was. It is what it is. Husband and I have moved on with having our own lives and we see her for the obligatory events, birthdays, Christmas ect.... All on the step daughter in law terms. We know one day that our grand will have a will of her own and she will be able to engage with us as she wants. I do believe she still feels our love. It is the best it can be, for now. Your grandson will feel the same. Just imagine that your grand lived on the other side of the world and you could not be with him physically. You would make the best of what little contact you have and I believe that love will transmitted to him anyway. We all can't have relationships with our grandchildren as we want but we will make it the best it can be. Hugs for you today Billy. Please love yourself a little bit more each day and you will start to feel that you are worth it. You are 51% more important than your daughter. Read more: [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/bdp-daughter-wants-to-her-i-to-go-family-therapy.60444/page-2#ixzz3cZRMjFaY[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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