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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 659262" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You didn't do anything wrong. If your daughter has a personality disorder, it doesn't matter what you did or do right or wrong. She will be mean to you anyway and therapy between the two of you won't forge a good friendship. Personality disordered people like to hurt others, which is why they do what they do. That is their motive. There is no other motive.</p><p>Unfortunately, they often take grandchildren with them. They are powerful "hurting" points.</p><p></p><p>The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop looking at what you did wrong. She is a disordered, differently wired person who would do this to any parent. She needs a scapegoat. You are probably more vulnerable t han others in her life and that's why she picked you.</p><p></p><p>If you can do it, try to accept that this is HER and she is what she is and try to live your own life the best you can. You have other loved ones, friends, a job, hobbies, a full life just waiting for you and it won't change your daughter to destroy yourself over things she is incapable of understanding. There is a concept called radical acceptance. I straongly recommend it. I will post a link about it. If you can, read the whole article. It is eye-opening and gives you a new coping skill which is very effective. I hope you choose to move on, with or without her, and stop trying to wonder what you did wrong. It is HER, not you. Maybe she inherited some personality problems from your ex. Ex may be gone, but the DNA is still in your daughter and perhaps she inherited his meanness, if he is mean. Unfortunately, usually nature trumps nurture. If she got too much of his DNA, well, she may be just like he is and be unwilling to do the hard work it takes to admit she is a problem and work hard in good therapy to change herself. Doesn't sound like she is at t hat point. She may never be.</p><p></p><p>My personal advice which you can take or leave as it suits you is to move on. Unfortunately your grandchild is not going to get enough time with you. In your heart, you know this. And the law is not on the side of grandparents. If they want to use their kids against us, our grown children can do it. I know. It socks.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html" target="_blank">http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 659262, member: 1550"] You didn't do anything wrong. If your daughter has a personality disorder, it doesn't matter what you did or do right or wrong. She will be mean to you anyway and therapy between the two of you won't forge a good friendship. Personality disordered people like to hurt others, which is why they do what they do. That is their motive. There is no other motive. Unfortunately, they often take grandchildren with them. They are powerful "hurting" points. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop looking at what you did wrong. She is a disordered, differently wired person who would do this to any parent. She needs a scapegoat. You are probably more vulnerable t han others in her life and that's why she picked you. If you can do it, try to accept that this is HER and she is what she is and try to live your own life the best you can. You have other loved ones, friends, a job, hobbies, a full life just waiting for you and it won't change your daughter to destroy yourself over things she is incapable of understanding. There is a concept called radical acceptance. I straongly recommend it. I will post a link about it. If you can, read the whole article. It is eye-opening and gives you a new coping skill which is very effective. I hope you choose to move on, with or without her, and stop trying to wonder what you did wrong. It is HER, not you. Maybe she inherited some personality problems from your ex. Ex may be gone, but the DNA is still in your daughter and perhaps she inherited his meanness, if he is mean. Unfortunately, usually nature trumps nurture. If she got too much of his DNA, well, she may be just like he is and be unwilling to do the hard work it takes to admit she is a problem and work hard in good therapy to change herself. Doesn't sound like she is at t hat point. She may never be. My personal advice which you can take or leave as it suits you is to move on. Unfortunately your grandchild is not going to get enough time with you. In your heart, you know this. And the law is not on the side of grandparents. If they want to use their kids against us, our grown children can do it. I know. It socks. [URL]http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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