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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660145" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm sorry you are so upset.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, you do nothing about your daughter. There is n othing you CAN do, except keep dancing with her and getting hurt. She is 30 and is free to be cruel and withhold her child from you. I figured the therapy would bust because she would get angry that t he therapist would be neutral. Go to the party and focus on grandchild and that's all.</p><p></p><p>When people abuse us, I am learning that we blow them up to be bigger than life and more powerful than the air we breathe. We become childlike and afraid. We worry that their lies are true. The only way to take your power back and be a totally free and happy person is to stop giving your daughter so much power. You have other kids and grands who are nice to you and welcoming and you do have friends. You are letting her take over your life and becoming unhealthy and depressed because of her. It is in my opinion a good idea that you let go of her behavior, because it is unlikely to change no matter what you do, or give yourself up and shiver at the thought of your daughter, who is just a person and not a very nice person at that. You have had to live through her having other children and you survived. You'll survive this too, unless you have a heart attck from how sick she you are allowing her to make you. Would you put up with that if she was anyone but your daughter? If not, think about why you put up with it from her. She has not yanked your grandchild from you yet, and you can't control if she does. It is something that is out of your hands. You can be nice to Daughter and she will not respect you. You can set boundaries and she will at least respect you a little. She will be very angry, but that's only because she is not nice and feels entitled to being able to beat you up. Kind of like the husband who batters his wife and she's too afraid to leave him. It isn't different. You owe her nothing at her age, except to be kind to her if she is kind to you. And she's not.</p><p></p><p>This journey is your own. You can take steps to make your life different a nd probably better or you can keep trying. You know t he definition of insanity? Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> It's up to you if you want to change your response to your daughter, to shrink her down to normal size, to not freak out if she throws some abusive lie about you at you...it is up to you even if you want to listen to her nonsense.</p><p></p><p>It is all within your power, but first you have to admit what your daughter is like, accept it, and move on. To keep trying to hope that s he sees the light is a waste of time and an insult to your children who are kind to you and don't want you to be sick. Your daughter is controlling your life and you are allowing it. We can tell you it's not a good thing and it won't change anything, but only you can decide to shrink this daughter's powerful, toxic presence in your life.</p><p></p><p>Nobody can do it for you. We will gladly support you and empathize, but we can't do it for you.</p><p></p><p>I know your grandchild is important to you, but you have more than one and you can't save this one from his mother. She is what she is. Unless you want to call CPS (and you need proof of abuse) and go for custody, she's in the driver's seat and will do what she wants to do with that.</p><p></p><p>I hope you choose yourself first one day. Wishing you peace f or today and some deep contemplation about how you want to maybe change your life regarding this daughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660145, member: 1550"] I'm sorry you are so upset. In my opinion, you do nothing about your daughter. There is n othing you CAN do, except keep dancing with her and getting hurt. She is 30 and is free to be cruel and withhold her child from you. I figured the therapy would bust because she would get angry that t he therapist would be neutral. Go to the party and focus on grandchild and that's all. When people abuse us, I am learning that we blow them up to be bigger than life and more powerful than the air we breathe. We become childlike and afraid. We worry that their lies are true. The only way to take your power back and be a totally free and happy person is to stop giving your daughter so much power. You have other kids and grands who are nice to you and welcoming and you do have friends. You are letting her take over your life and becoming unhealthy and depressed because of her. It is in my opinion a good idea that you let go of her behavior, because it is unlikely to change no matter what you do, or give yourself up and shiver at the thought of your daughter, who is just a person and not a very nice person at that. You have had to live through her having other children and you survived. You'll survive this too, unless you have a heart attck from how sick she you are allowing her to make you. Would you put up with that if she was anyone but your daughter? If not, think about why you put up with it from her. She has not yanked your grandchild from you yet, and you can't control if she does. It is something that is out of your hands. You can be nice to Daughter and she will not respect you. You can set boundaries and she will at least respect you a little. She will be very angry, but that's only because she is not nice and feels entitled to being able to beat you up. Kind of like the husband who batters his wife and she's too afraid to leave him. It isn't different. You owe her nothing at her age, except to be kind to her if she is kind to you. And she's not. This journey is your own. You can take steps to make your life different a nd probably better or you can keep trying. You know t he definition of insanity? Trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results ;) It's up to you if you want to change your response to your daughter, to shrink her down to normal size, to not freak out if she throws some abusive lie about you at you...it is up to you even if you want to listen to her nonsense. It is all within your power, but first you have to admit what your daughter is like, accept it, and move on. To keep trying to hope that s he sees the light is a waste of time and an insult to your children who are kind to you and don't want you to be sick. Your daughter is controlling your life and you are allowing it. We can tell you it's not a good thing and it won't change anything, but only you can decide to shrink this daughter's powerful, toxic presence in your life. Nobody can do it for you. We will gladly support you and empathize, but we can't do it for you. I know your grandchild is important to you, but you have more than one and you can't save this one from his mother. She is what she is. Unless you want to call CPS (and you need proof of abuse) and go for custody, she's in the driver's seat and will do what she wants to do with that. I hope you choose yourself first one day. Wishing you peace f or today and some deep contemplation about how you want to maybe change your life regarding this daughter. [/QUOTE]
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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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