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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="SeekingStrength" data-source="post: 662143" data-attributes="member: 17635"><p>Hi Lioness,</p><p></p><p>I sure don't know what is right for you and your daughter's relationship. But, it was after 15 years of emotional and verbal abuse, and after 1.5 yrs after finding this forum, I finally texted our Difficult Child that it was over. Do not contact us again. If you are on our property, we will call the police. Down the road, if your want a relationship, certainly, we would be all for that but you would have to make some big changes first.</p><p></p><p>Did it feel good? No, it did not. Was it freeing for husband and myself? Yes.</p><p></p><p>I bent over backwards to keep a relationship with our (very hateful) Difficult Child for years. I did not fathom "checking out". Until, one day, I finally did. I had been perfectly willing, for a very long time(!!) to try anything to keep him in our lives. Shoot, until I found this forum, i never even recognized it was not okay to answer a phone call --maybe not the first time, but eventually. He was our son; what choice did we have?</p><p></p><p>And, at what cost for husband and me? For what benefit to Difficult Child? Difficult Child certainly was most assuredly not getting better! In fact, he was getting meaner, feeling more empowered to cower us, to make demands. I have mentioned this before, and got some funny feedback, but he one time called this "reparations". Mind you, most of his accusations were purely delusional, aka <em>made up crap.</em></p><p></p><p>My hurt just continued. Sure, we love him. Absolutely.</p><p></p><p>I would never ever recommend our decision to anyone - but, if there comes the day when you just KNOW..... You KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have tried everything and nothing you do helps your child. In fact, your choices seem to be holding your offspring back from taking care of his/her life and you sure as heck know it is hurting you, emotionally and financially, then I get it.</p><p></p><p>Not a fun option, but if you arrive there with your Difficult Child, well....you just do. No changing the reality of that realization.</p><p></p><p>I sincerely hope it does not come to that for you. But, if it should, well, you will survive. And, as I said, it would only happen because you would just<strong> know</strong>. (Kinda like when I knew it was time to retire. Something far less dramatic, but when it is time, you.just.know. Googling helps not a bit. You just know.</p><p></p><p>I will continue to pray and hope for something better down the road for my family.</p><p></p><p>Keep on doing the best you can. And, stay close!</p><p></p><p>SS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeekingStrength, post: 662143, member: 17635"] Hi Lioness, I sure don't know what is right for you and your daughter's relationship. But, it was after 15 years of emotional and verbal abuse, and after 1.5 yrs after finding this forum, I finally texted our Difficult Child that it was over. Do not contact us again. If you are on our property, we will call the police. Down the road, if your want a relationship, certainly, we would be all for that but you would have to make some big changes first. Did it feel good? No, it did not. Was it freeing for husband and myself? Yes. I bent over backwards to keep a relationship with our (very hateful) Difficult Child for years. I did not fathom "checking out". Until, one day, I finally did. I had been perfectly willing, for a very long time(!!) to try anything to keep him in our lives. Shoot, until I found this forum, i never even recognized it was not okay to answer a phone call --maybe not the first time, but eventually. He was our son; what choice did we have? And, at what cost for husband and me? For what benefit to Difficult Child? Difficult Child certainly was most assuredly not getting better! In fact, he was getting meaner, feeling more empowered to cower us, to make demands. I have mentioned this before, and got some funny feedback, but he one time called this "reparations". Mind you, most of his accusations were purely delusional, aka [I]made up crap.[/I] My hurt just continued. Sure, we love him. Absolutely. I would never ever recommend our decision to anyone - but, if there comes the day when you just KNOW..... You KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have tried everything and nothing you do helps your child. In fact, your choices seem to be holding your offspring back from taking care of his/her life and you sure as heck know it is hurting you, emotionally and financially, then I get it. Not a fun option, but if you arrive there with your Difficult Child, well....you just do. No changing the reality of that realization. I sincerely hope it does not come to that for you. But, if it should, well, you will survive. And, as I said, it would only happen because you would just[B] know[/B]. (Kinda like when I knew it was time to retire. Something far less dramatic, but when it is time, you.just.know. Googling helps not a bit. You just know. I will continue to pray and hope for something better down the road for my family. Keep on doing the best you can. And, stay close! SS [/QUOTE]
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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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