katya02
Solace
Hi, it's been a few weeks since I was here ... husband had a second heart attack in May and has been home since, and a few other stressful things have happened. I miss being here, though. Glad to be back.
difficult child 1 has been living with his girlfriend for just over a year now. A few months ago he told me he thought he was infertile. Why? Because he and girlfriend had been using no protection for nine months!! I pointed out that there's a name for people who do that: parents. He insisted there was 'no chance'.
Soooo .... a week later we couldn't get difficult child 1 on the phone all weekend. Then he came to see us on the Monday very anxious and depressed and said his girlfriend was pregnant. He was totally shocked. ????? He really seems to think his actions have no effect on the world.
I have no positive expectations for this whole situation. He and girlfriend are still living with girlfriend's psycho drug using, prescription drug-addicted mother; girlfriend has the most dependent, avoidant personality I've ever seen. It's like there's no one there. I don't believe she will ever leave her mother in spite of difficult child 1 wanting them to get an apartment together; she agrees with him on things right up to the moment of taking action and then bails. She is now five months along and still hasn't seen a doctor. She never enrolled in her employer's health insurance plan because it cost $20 per month (yet she chain smokes) and she hasn't arranged Medicaid which she qualifies for due to her low income.
The good news is that difficult child 1 found a job that he has stuck with since early April - a record for him! It's the perfect job for him too, no interaction with customers, a skilled trade, and specific projects that he completes and can feel good about. I hope very much that he'll stick with it. The bad news is he's continuing to drink, not enough to lose his job, but enough. He's in complete denial about it.
His income is very low; only making $8.00 per hour, which isn't enough for a skilled job but at least he has full-time hours and a good boss. If his girlfriend melts down emotionally and quits her job, which is what we see coming, they won't be able to manage on his salary.
He has stepped up to the plate and is taking responsibility, wants to provide for this baby, and wants to get a decent apartment before the baby comes. girlfriend is spinning her wheels, not in denial about the baby but about everything else. She chain smokes, only eats fast food and drinks soda, doesn't believe her mother's behaviors are a problem (hoarding, smoking in bed, and driving girlfriend's car without a licence are a few besides the drug use), and won't give up any of the dozen or so unneutered cats she and her mother have roaming around spraying their place.
I think this baby would be better off adopted, although it would hurt my heart to lose track of a grandchild, but husband is adamant he won't care for the baby at our place (not that girlfriend would ever let that happen, and not that I could handle it). girlfriend won't give up the baby so it's a moot point. Her mother raised her while using multiple drugs, smoking, and having multiple men in and out, and she thinks that's normal. She sees nothing wrong with where and how she lives. Oh, and she's not 18. She's 30.
It's depressing. difficult child 1 really has a grim row to hoe now. I know it's all his doing and a perfectly predictable situation, but I hate that a new life is now involved.
difficult child 1 has been living with his girlfriend for just over a year now. A few months ago he told me he thought he was infertile. Why? Because he and girlfriend had been using no protection for nine months!! I pointed out that there's a name for people who do that: parents. He insisted there was 'no chance'.
Soooo .... a week later we couldn't get difficult child 1 on the phone all weekend. Then he came to see us on the Monday very anxious and depressed and said his girlfriend was pregnant. He was totally shocked. ????? He really seems to think his actions have no effect on the world.
I have no positive expectations for this whole situation. He and girlfriend are still living with girlfriend's psycho drug using, prescription drug-addicted mother; girlfriend has the most dependent, avoidant personality I've ever seen. It's like there's no one there. I don't believe she will ever leave her mother in spite of difficult child 1 wanting them to get an apartment together; she agrees with him on things right up to the moment of taking action and then bails. She is now five months along and still hasn't seen a doctor. She never enrolled in her employer's health insurance plan because it cost $20 per month (yet she chain smokes) and she hasn't arranged Medicaid which she qualifies for due to her low income.
The good news is that difficult child 1 found a job that he has stuck with since early April - a record for him! It's the perfect job for him too, no interaction with customers, a skilled trade, and specific projects that he completes and can feel good about. I hope very much that he'll stick with it. The bad news is he's continuing to drink, not enough to lose his job, but enough. He's in complete denial about it.
His income is very low; only making $8.00 per hour, which isn't enough for a skilled job but at least he has full-time hours and a good boss. If his girlfriend melts down emotionally and quits her job, which is what we see coming, they won't be able to manage on his salary.
He has stepped up to the plate and is taking responsibility, wants to provide for this baby, and wants to get a decent apartment before the baby comes. girlfriend is spinning her wheels, not in denial about the baby but about everything else. She chain smokes, only eats fast food and drinks soda, doesn't believe her mother's behaviors are a problem (hoarding, smoking in bed, and driving girlfriend's car without a licence are a few besides the drug use), and won't give up any of the dozen or so unneutered cats she and her mother have roaming around spraying their place.
I think this baby would be better off adopted, although it would hurt my heart to lose track of a grandchild, but husband is adamant he won't care for the baby at our place (not that girlfriend would ever let that happen, and not that I could handle it). girlfriend won't give up the baby so it's a moot point. Her mother raised her while using multiple drugs, smoking, and having multiple men in and out, and she thinks that's normal. She sees nothing wrong with where and how she lives. Oh, and she's not 18. She's 30.
It's depressing. difficult child 1 really has a grim row to hoe now. I know it's all his doing and a perfectly predictable situation, but I hate that a new life is now involved.
