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Parent Emeritus
Been a while, but I'm sure few of you will be surprised that I'm back to square one
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 604553" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Has your son refused treatment?</p><p></p><p>Make that a condition of his being able to stay with you.</p><p></p><p>Set a date, and stick to it. </p><p></p><p>When our son was using drugs, he changed into someone else, altogether. It was like he'd been kidnapped by someone who looked a little like him. More than once, we sent him off with a car, money, and the cost of getting into an apartment we co-signed on for 6 months.</p><p></p><p>Nothing worked.</p><p></p><p>When we said he needed to be in school if he was going to stay with us? It turned out he knew more than the professors.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>He refused treatment, too.</p><p></p><p>The last time we sent him off, he was in his late twenties. We did not hear from him for a very long time. In his early thirties, he turned himself around on his own. It was nothing we had done, because we had given up. He is still struggling, still not where his (non-difficult child) friends are...but he made it.</p><p></p><p>If we had not sent him off, if we had not (finally) made it clear that he had been raised better and we were not going to engage with him until he lived up to what we had raised him to be, he would probably still be using, would probably still be financially dependent, angry, and miserable.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to see our kids like this. We never felt right about it, whatever we did. As difficult child got older though (and meaner, and more demanding and resentful) it was such a relief to have him gone (every time we finally got him to leave!) that we did what we should have done in the first place. </p><p></p><p>Each of us reaches that point in her own time. </p><p></p><p>I know it is so hard.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 604553, member: 1721"] Has your son refused treatment? Make that a condition of his being able to stay with you. Set a date, and stick to it. When our son was using drugs, he changed into someone else, altogether. It was like he'd been kidnapped by someone who looked a little like him. More than once, we sent him off with a car, money, and the cost of getting into an apartment we co-signed on for 6 months. Nothing worked. When we said he needed to be in school if he was going to stay with us? It turned out he knew more than the professors. :O) He refused treatment, too. The last time we sent him off, he was in his late twenties. We did not hear from him for a very long time. In his early thirties, he turned himself around on his own. It was nothing we had done, because we had given up. He is still struggling, still not where his (non-difficult child) friends are...but he made it. If we had not sent him off, if we had not (finally) made it clear that he had been raised better and we were not going to engage with him until he lived up to what we had raised him to be, he would probably still be using, would probably still be financially dependent, angry, and miserable. It is hard to see our kids like this. We never felt right about it, whatever we did. As difficult child got older though (and meaner, and more demanding and resentful) it was such a relief to have him gone (every time we finally got him to leave!) that we did what we should have done in the first place. Each of us reaches that point in her own time. I know it is so hard. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
Been a while, but I'm sure few of you will be surprised that I'm back to square one
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