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Been a while, need some encouragement, tips
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<blockquote data-quote="ducky8888" data-source="post: 602035" data-attributes="member: 15714"><p>Thank you to the 2 that actually replied with useful information. I am sorry you misunderstood my intent about the "beating", I didnt mean to infer that I thought this was an OK method of control. I would never suggest that the proper way to handle this is by me hitting him. All I meant was that he does control himself (tantrums, cussing, rude behavior) if he thinks his behavior will lead to some kind of punishment. It could be physical, but he also can control himself when he wants things. </p><p></p><p>Jules: I have lived there since January, and no, things have only gotten worse the last couple days. We have always had problems with him, it just seems that everytime I turn around the last couple days he is doing or saying something to cause grief. Things between us didnt change from before moving in to after moving in. My worry about ignoring stuff until a few things are better is that he will get it into his head that those things are OK and allowed. He is very much one of those kids that goes the way of "well, i used to be able to do it..." In fact this has been a constant struggle since I moved in (even before), he will make some food and if there are kids out front (or he feels like it) he takes it out. I would generally not have a problem with this, but he is also very lazy, so everything gets left out, and when he is asked to clean up, he throws a fit and everythign ends up in the trash (utensils, plates, etc.). Thanks again for the tips and words of encouragement!</p><p></p><p>SuZir: I appreciate you being candid. believe me, we have talked many times about the effects on my kids (and the effects on her kids too). Her daughter moved out a few years ago cause she couldnt handle it. I am still pushing for him to be seen by a neuropsychologist. I think it would be in everyones best interest to know exactly what he has going on. His only test was a 45 minute skills test and chat with a doctor where they noticed he couldnt stay on task, got frustrated easily, and talked about getting mad at family and teachers. </p><p></p><p>MidWestMom, Before you go off on a rant about me, get all the information. I have "known" her for almost 20 years. We started dating 9 months ago. I think you need to go through some of these other posts from parents "ranting" about their children and when they have break-downs in dealing with their children's behavior (example: read what Jules wrote). I have read some horrible things that natural parents write about how they treat their own flesh and blood, and you want to get on here and criticize me for yelling or mocking a difficult child when I get overwhelmed, while you are "detaching" from your own children? I thought this was a place where a person could go to let off some steam in a safe, non-judgmental place. In fact you have been on here frequently looking for the support of others, 6/18/2013, did you get people on here telling you what a bad mother you are for thinking bad things? Going through your posts I see a pattern, You are great and supportive to natural parents, but anyone talking about having a or being a boyfriend you suddenly get rude and cynical. Why is that? Do you control yourself 100% of the time? I am guessing no. Or do you come here and rag on people looking for support to let off your steam? His father admits to hitting him, and the 16 year old daughter has supported the stories. They are not allegations. I dont see how you can possibly remember me. I have posted on here 4 times previously and all of the posts were about me explaining the difficult children behavior and asking from the vast experience here what direction the forum thought we should be headed in with his treatment and medication. I never, ever mentioned anything about how I treated or reacted to him and I never mentioned anything about my relationship with his mother, i could leave if I wanted to. You must have me mixed up with someone else on here and you should clarify that BEFORE you use that to judge me. And, I am not here looking for relationship advice, you can keep all of that to yourself. I am in a relationship with an amazing person and I am not going to leave because she has a troubled child. I never once said i was going to harm the child, in fact I said "he knows I wont "hurt" him". Look into the state and federal laws and get your facts straight about "in loco parentis". The laws says that any person authorized by child's parents MAY "reasonably discipline a child, including use of reasonable force". Maybe you dont understand the nature of having a relationship. His mother and I, who are the ones he spends 95% of his time with, work together to decide what is best for everyone, including the difficult child. So, once again, your wrong, I do have a say in what happens to him, I am part of the household. We work TOGETHER. As a couple. He may not be my blood child, but his mother and I have decided to be in a long term, committed relationship. Your going to tell me cause I have a bad couple days that I should go find someone else? And why someone without kids? Did you know that I have 2 PCs and she has 3 other PCs? and guess what, I am not on a forum ranting about being a "step-parent" and dealing with kids that arent mine. I am here looking for compassion from people who have the same struggles I have. I am here telling you about my weak moments and you are going to come on here and vilify me? You dont know me, you dont know my girlfriend, and you dont know our difficult child, and you dont know our life. Keep your nasty opinion to yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ducky8888, post: 602035, member: 15714"] Thank you to the 2 that actually replied with useful information. I am sorry you misunderstood my intent about the "beating", I didnt mean to infer that I thought this was an OK method of control. I would never suggest that the proper way to handle this is by me hitting him. All I meant was that he does control himself (tantrums, cussing, rude behavior) if he thinks his behavior will lead to some kind of punishment. It could be physical, but he also can control himself when he wants things. Jules: I have lived there since January, and no, things have only gotten worse the last couple days. We have always had problems with him, it just seems that everytime I turn around the last couple days he is doing or saying something to cause grief. Things between us didnt change from before moving in to after moving in. My worry about ignoring stuff until a few things are better is that he will get it into his head that those things are OK and allowed. He is very much one of those kids that goes the way of "well, i used to be able to do it..." In fact this has been a constant struggle since I moved in (even before), he will make some food and if there are kids out front (or he feels like it) he takes it out. I would generally not have a problem with this, but he is also very lazy, so everything gets left out, and when he is asked to clean up, he throws a fit and everythign ends up in the trash (utensils, plates, etc.). Thanks again for the tips and words of encouragement! SuZir: I appreciate you being candid. believe me, we have talked many times about the effects on my kids (and the effects on her kids too). Her daughter moved out a few years ago cause she couldnt handle it. I am still pushing for him to be seen by a neuropsychologist. I think it would be in everyones best interest to know exactly what he has going on. His only test was a 45 minute skills test and chat with a doctor where they noticed he couldnt stay on task, got frustrated easily, and talked about getting mad at family and teachers. MidWestMom, Before you go off on a rant about me, get all the information. I have "known" her for almost 20 years. We started dating 9 months ago. I think you need to go through some of these other posts from parents "ranting" about their children and when they have break-downs in dealing with their children's behavior (example: read what Jules wrote). I have read some horrible things that natural parents write about how they treat their own flesh and blood, and you want to get on here and criticize me for yelling or mocking a difficult child when I get overwhelmed, while you are "detaching" from your own children? I thought this was a place where a person could go to let off some steam in a safe, non-judgmental place. In fact you have been on here frequently looking for the support of others, 6/18/2013, did you get people on here telling you what a bad mother you are for thinking bad things? Going through your posts I see a pattern, You are great and supportive to natural parents, but anyone talking about having a or being a boyfriend you suddenly get rude and cynical. Why is that? Do you control yourself 100% of the time? I am guessing no. Or do you come here and rag on people looking for support to let off your steam? His father admits to hitting him, and the 16 year old daughter has supported the stories. They are not allegations. I dont see how you can possibly remember me. I have posted on here 4 times previously and all of the posts were about me explaining the difficult children behavior and asking from the vast experience here what direction the forum thought we should be headed in with his treatment and medication. I never, ever mentioned anything about how I treated or reacted to him and I never mentioned anything about my relationship with his mother, i could leave if I wanted to. You must have me mixed up with someone else on here and you should clarify that BEFORE you use that to judge me. And, I am not here looking for relationship advice, you can keep all of that to yourself. I am in a relationship with an amazing person and I am not going to leave because she has a troubled child. I never once said i was going to harm the child, in fact I said "he knows I wont "hurt" him". Look into the state and federal laws and get your facts straight about "in loco parentis". The laws says that any person authorized by child's parents MAY "reasonably discipline a child, including use of reasonable force". Maybe you dont understand the nature of having a relationship. His mother and I, who are the ones he spends 95% of his time with, work together to decide what is best for everyone, including the difficult child. So, once again, your wrong, I do have a say in what happens to him, I am part of the household. We work TOGETHER. As a couple. He may not be my blood child, but his mother and I have decided to be in a long term, committed relationship. Your going to tell me cause I have a bad couple days that I should go find someone else? And why someone without kids? Did you know that I have 2 PCs and she has 3 other PCs? and guess what, I am not on a forum ranting about being a "step-parent" and dealing with kids that arent mine. I am here looking for compassion from people who have the same struggles I have. I am here telling you about my weak moments and you are going to come on here and vilify me? You dont know me, you dont know my girlfriend, and you dont know our difficult child, and you dont know our life. Keep your nasty opinion to yourself. [/QUOTE]
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