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General Parenting
Been a while, need some encouragement, tips
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 602039" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't know or care how long you knew her. The child is what I care about. You barely started dating her, moved in, and admit to inappropriate reactions to this child who is a legal stranger to you. I have three adopted kids so I don't care about DNA, but I do think it is ridiculous to assume you can actually just walk into the children's lives at this late date and start being a parent. You're not one. You have no rights to take this child anywhere for anything. It sounds like things are worse now. You are not helping. Are you legally divorced from your ex?</p><p></p><p>And your examples of how you handled this child are not impressive. Since you are not his parent, you don't need to be in this child's life and you clearly want to be a big part of his discipline and treatment. You can't be. Just the facts. You are a Johnny-come-lately to this child and he sounds like he has a terrible life between his father beating him and you moving in with your brood and mentally abusing him. Why isn't your girlfriend trying to take custody away from the father if he beats his son? Are they in court now? If this were my kid, I'd be fighting really hard for sole custody. Makes me wonder if SHE cares HOW this child is treated, by Father or you.</p><p></p><p> No matter what you and girlfriend decided, in this child's mind, you are probably an intruder, not part of the family. Maybe he thinks you took Mom from him. Just because you an d girlfriend say so doesn't make it a reality for a differently wired, struggling little boy who needs his mother's attention that she is now giving to you AND your two children as well. Do you understand how this may be seriously distressing him? Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids do worse with change than typical kids. If you don't "get" this, you don't get him at all. To him you are not his family. girlfriend and you can't will him to think that. It's way too soon.</p><p></p><p>It is this 11 year old boy who needs compassion. Not you. You are an adult and should be able to stand on your own two feet. Parents or caregivers come here for their children. Sorry if this Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid put a kink in your plans, but it is what it is and he is not going to disappear.</p><p></p><p>Seems like poor guy can't win no matter where he is. My heart goes out to him, not you. You can take care of yourself, I hope. If this 11 year old had a very early chaotic life and many caregivers, then he could also have attachment disorder, which is even harder to handle. Did he have many caregivers from ages 0-4?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 602039, member: 1550"] I don't know or care how long you knew her. The child is what I care about. You barely started dating her, moved in, and admit to inappropriate reactions to this child who is a legal stranger to you. I have three adopted kids so I don't care about DNA, but I do think it is ridiculous to assume you can actually just walk into the children's lives at this late date and start being a parent. You're not one. You have no rights to take this child anywhere for anything. It sounds like things are worse now. You are not helping. Are you legally divorced from your ex? And your examples of how you handled this child are not impressive. Since you are not his parent, you don't need to be in this child's life and you clearly want to be a big part of his discipline and treatment. You can't be. Just the facts. You are a Johnny-come-lately to this child and he sounds like he has a terrible life between his father beating him and you moving in with your brood and mentally abusing him. Why isn't your girlfriend trying to take custody away from the father if he beats his son? Are they in court now? If this were my kid, I'd be fighting really hard for sole custody. Makes me wonder if SHE cares HOW this child is treated, by Father or you. No matter what you and girlfriend decided, in this child's mind, you are probably an intruder, not part of the family. Maybe he thinks you took Mom from him. Just because you an d girlfriend say so doesn't make it a reality for a differently wired, struggling little boy who needs his mother's attention that she is now giving to you AND your two children as well. Do you understand how this may be seriously distressing him? Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids do worse with change than typical kids. If you don't "get" this, you don't get him at all. To him you are not his family. girlfriend and you can't will him to think that. It's way too soon. It is this 11 year old boy who needs compassion. Not you. You are an adult and should be able to stand on your own two feet. Parents or caregivers come here for their children. Sorry if this Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid put a kink in your plans, but it is what it is and he is not going to disappear. Seems like poor guy can't win no matter where he is. My heart goes out to him, not you. You can take care of yourself, I hope. If this 11 year old had a very early chaotic life and many caregivers, then he could also have attachment disorder, which is even harder to handle. Did he have many caregivers from ages 0-4? [/QUOTE]
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