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General Parenting
Been a while, need some encouragement, tips
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<blockquote data-quote="ducky8888" data-source="post: 602201" data-attributes="member: 15714"><p>Yes, I have realized why she parented the way she did. </p><p></p><p>Can you explain to me your reasons for not making your child come home when you have discovered they had been misbehaving during the day? To me, allowing him to stay after being caught tells him (and the friend he is staying with) that he can misbehave and he can still do fun things. If pulling him from his sleep-over is not the right way to react, how would you handle it? What is an appropriate punishment for this? </p><p></p><p>I know dealing with a difficult child is different. After 13+ years of dealing with PCs its quite an adjustment and I am truly looking for this communities help. With my children I am strict (possibly too strict). I know what I would do with my son if he repeatedly kicked holes in the walls (he did this once and was grounded from everything until the hole was fixed). But it seems to me if our difficult child isnt punished and made to deal with the consequences of his actions, then he has no motivation to try to control his behavior. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you guys can give me some things your difficult child does and what you use as their repercussions? When I was at an IEP meeting (weekly with his school), the on site counselor gave some good advise about how to explain why he doesnt get to do things. He said instead of saying "you cant have ice cream because you've been rude" say instead "your behavior has not earned you ice cream". He says it is showing him that the ice cream is not something he ever had. I can see how this could work for your daily behavior issues, i.e. cursing, rude, yelling, even getting too physical. But how does that translate into more serious infractions, like holes in the walls ($180 each * 7) or stealing money and property? I think the more serious the "crime" the bigger the punishment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ducky8888, post: 602201, member: 15714"] Yes, I have realized why she parented the way she did. Can you explain to me your reasons for not making your child come home when you have discovered they had been misbehaving during the day? To me, allowing him to stay after being caught tells him (and the friend he is staying with) that he can misbehave and he can still do fun things. If pulling him from his sleep-over is not the right way to react, how would you handle it? What is an appropriate punishment for this? I know dealing with a difficult child is different. After 13+ years of dealing with PCs its quite an adjustment and I am truly looking for this communities help. With my children I am strict (possibly too strict). I know what I would do with my son if he repeatedly kicked holes in the walls (he did this once and was grounded from everything until the hole was fixed). But it seems to me if our difficult child isnt punished and made to deal with the consequences of his actions, then he has no motivation to try to control his behavior. Maybe you guys can give me some things your difficult child does and what you use as their repercussions? When I was at an IEP meeting (weekly with his school), the on site counselor gave some good advise about how to explain why he doesnt get to do things. He said instead of saying "you cant have ice cream because you've been rude" say instead "your behavior has not earned you ice cream". He says it is showing him that the ice cream is not something he ever had. I can see how this could work for your daily behavior issues, i.e. cursing, rude, yelling, even getting too physical. But how does that translate into more serious infractions, like holes in the walls ($180 each * 7) or stealing money and property? I think the more serious the "crime" the bigger the punishment. [/QUOTE]
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