been awhile not sure if things are better

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Sep 10, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    My gfgd Jess has visited twice this summer and called four times...as court ordered. She hasn't really changed much the home says. She won't accept responsibility for her actions/words and sometimes goes out of her way to be cruel.

    The only good thing I can think of is that I have finally been able to detach 100%. I no longer find myself worrying about her....if she is eating, has clothes, school supplies etc. I was told she is on the wait list for subsidized housing and my only response is someone needs to show her how to budget.

    Right now where she is, there are three meals a day, laundry is free to use, and all things people take for granted that are provided by parents is available to her. She has no idea how she will work go to school and cover transportation to job and school but she is determined....her words not mine.

    The last time I spoke with her she said she will never sell out like I did and just settle....but that sentence didn't have the power to hurt me because I know how she works now....needle me and I come off as the bad guy.

    Sorry for rambling ladies....even as I write and think about the past two months, the emotions that always burned are gone....I am neither angry, nor hurt or even upset any longer...is that normal? Have I gotten to the point where I've thrown my hands up and said your will not mine? Seems that way...

    Carolanne
     
  2. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Carolanne,
    yes, I think your emotions are normal--I know that is the point I got to anyway! I just pretty much felt neutral--not angry, sad, hurt, just more of a matter-of-fact feeling. I'm glad for you--life does go on, with or without them, and we don't have to get on that rollercoaster with them. I found the freedom from the anxiety very refreshing! I now have a nice relationship with difficult child 1 but I had no expectation of that, didn't really care one way or the other. I think not only for me was this important but for her too--she has been able to cut the apron strings. I think for her own mental health it is best there is some emotional and physical distance between us. She needs her independence--we can't have a real close relationship because she doesn't know how to do that without becoming dependent and helpless.

    Anyway, good for you--you have been through so much!
    Jane
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Carolanne

    I also think your emotions are normal. I guess you can look at it as difficult child is making Empty Nest Syndrome an easier ride for you.

    If she's determined to learn the hard way, guess that'll be the road she takes. I don't know why some people seem determined to make things harder for themselves than need be.

    Glad to hear the detaching has taken hold.

    Hugs
     
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think it is a normal defense mechanism.

    Find yourself again and have fun with the other kids.

    Do something nice for you!
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hi Carolanne,

    It sounds like you graduated Detachment 101! Good for you.

    Do take some time to do something nice for yourself.
     
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You have detatched. Isn't that an awesome feeling. I know sometimes you can feel guilty about it because you feel like you have given up, but you haven't. You've learned her choices are yours and you don't have to let them destroy your life.

    Your title was that you weren't sure if things have gotten better? Well, they may not have for her, but they sure have for you!!!!
     
  7. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Accept your emotions as graduation gift for passing Detachment 101. Now onto Detachment 102 and you'll probably be a great teacher for us.
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: carolanne</div><div class="ubbcode-body">even as I write and think about the past two months, the emotions that always burned are gone....I am neither angry, nor hurt or even upset any longer...is that normal? Have I gotten to the point where I've thrown my hands up and said your will not mine? Seems that way...

    Carolanne </div></div>

    me too. numb, acceptance, whatever???? sort of attitude. I have no tears left and he has taught me he will not listen to any of my advice so why give it. when he hurts, I cant hurt with him anymore. at least not right now. probably is good that way.
     
Loading...