Been awhile since I've posted

[tracyf551]

and I'm not sure if I should post here since difficult child turned 19 or not but here goes. Well difficult child is TOTALLY strung out on heroin. I can't do no more for him. So much has happened since I've posted last. Are you ready for it all?
1. He stole $50 from my mom and a change jar she had
2. He stole easy child 1's beach money he'd been saving while we were in our back yard.(we didn't know he was here because he snuck in the front door)
3. The cops have been here and my mom's looking for him because "someone" said he was in on a theft.
4. Now the cops want him to snitch on the local heroin dealers and want to pay him for it. (WHAT THE....?)
I haven't really talked to him since the day he took easy child 1 money. He doesn't text anymore either. I did run into him about a week or so ago when I was coming from the store though. He looks like a pure drug addict. Cheeks sunken in, skinnier than I have ever seen him, facial hair, hair is long and and knotty. Just down right horrible. I asked him how he was but I already knew, sick cuz he needed drugs. He responded like this was my fault still. He said why do you care you kicked me out? I told him he took easy child 1 money and that was wrong. I asked him if he was ready for treatment of course he said no. He was fine and didn't want anything to do with any of us, we don't care about about him. I told him we do care and we always will and I am sorry he feels that way. And I drove away. I am ok as long as I don't see him. When I see him it really makes me wonder is it my fault. What can I do? Is there someone I can call? Will he be alive tomorrow? All of these things go thru my mind and I don't know what to do. I get so depressed about all this. How long can he go on like this? We are not the best family but we never had drugs or alcohol around here to even expose him to any of this. We both work, pay our bills and don't go out except to the store or someplace like that. He was such a happy kid at one time. I don't know where it all turned to this.

 

[lovemysons]

Oh Tracy,
Just wanted to reach out and give you a hug...(((((((((((LMS to Tracy))))))))))))

You didn't cause your son to be a drug addict...we all make mistakes as parents. In hindsight things we would do differently. But look at kids like easy child's in a family with a difficult child. Why does one choose drugs and the other doesn't? It's a combination probibly of so many things that really won't solve the problem, now. Ya know.
But, It's not your fault...
Addicts...I mean they just get hooked. What doesn't make a easy child feel good on drugs will send a difficult child addict into elation...they just have a totally differnet response to drugs.

Will say a prayer that your son wakes up soon. It has to be so hard to see him looking so strung out. I have been there done that with my oldest difficult child who used to be hooked on Meth. It was so scary...I was so convinced at one point that it would kill him...but he survived, learned some lessons the hard way.

My oldest difficult child was turned in by my husband for theft of one of my husband's clients. Oldest difficult child was doing Meth and needed money. He stole computers right out of the clients office in the middle of the night. He had been working there with husband.
husband did not go to see oldest difficult child for a year that oldest difficult child spent time in prison for this. Now...oldest difficult child is working for husband, they seem to have a new relationship and oldest difficult child no longer uses Meth...though he does still drink alcohol.

Just wanted you to know I've seen/experienced some nightmarish days with my oldest difficult child...but things can/do change.

During the time that my oldest difficult child was in Prison...I went to Al Anon. Cannot tell you how much they helped me, what a comfort so many there were to me. And many other good families like yours and mine that end up with a child addicted to a drug/drugs.

Don't know if you watch the Oprah show...but I saw yesterday that today they will be talking about drug addiction in a family. They showed a picture of this beautiful little boy and asked if this looked like a drug addict. This little boy, now, what appears to be an older teen/young man, will be on the sho with his father. I think his drug of choice is Heroin too. You might want to watch this today.

Just wanted to reach out to you and let you know I have experienced the horrors you describe with my beautiful, smart, witty, charming DRUG ADDICT oldest difficult child.
There is hope..they can make it to the other side.

Stay well,
Hugs,
Tammy

 

[recovering doormat]

as one mother to another, I am heartsick for you. I can't imagine what it's like to see your son so ill.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. They can and do come out of this, and I think little if anything is your fault. There is so much about addiction that can't be explained. Why five kids can smoke pot, and four will go on to be just fine, and the fifth will turn into an addict.

We think we're able to protect them from themselves, and we're not. You have offered him help, let him know the door is always open, but you have set boundaries to save your own life. I don't think there is anything more a loving parent can do.

Hugs.

 

[standswithcourage]

I so understand your pain. I am where you are also. My son is 25. I see him and it break my heart - I ask him if he is ready for treatment and he says no. I have considered having him involuntarilly committed again. I am going to a counselor for advice on Monday. I cannot stand the pain of this anymore but dont want to enable.

 

[tracyf551]

Can I have him involuntarily committed? Can I force him to treatment even though he is 19? I live in Pa and if anyone knows could you get back to me. Thanks. P.S. Today is now Friday and still no word from him.

 

[everywoman]

Tracy---you can have someone involuatarily committed. It is called different names in different state. I call it being Baker Acted. Here it is done through my local probate office---don't know why--they usually deal with estates and wills---anyway, I went in, filled out paperwork. The paperwork was sent to the judge. He signed it. I then took the paperwork to my sheriff's office. I talked to them, told them the situation, told them that he was ill and needed treatment. I went home, called him, told him to come home. I then called the sheriff's dept. and they sent an officer over. The officers were very nice. They talked to him compassionately and explained everything they were doing. He was handcuffed for transport. They took him to the local emergency where a pysch. doctor was waiting. A bed was found for him in another town and they transported him there.

 

[tracyf551]

There may be no need to commitment thru the court. I just got a citation in the mail for retail theft from 4/10/09 for difficult child. He was stealing and may still be stealing from stores to get money for the drugs. They (he and his so called girlfriend) were stealing and taking the stuff to Baltimore to hock it for money. Well his last fine was 200.00 with cost for a minimal amout (about $5) this time he took $138.62 worth of things. I'm sure the fine will be big because they didn't put the fine amount on this summons. It said "to be set" Well he didn't stop there apparently he stole from 2 other places too and we are just waiting on those fines because they were in a different township.
It amazed me what they would do. They would take the stuff and go to one of the pawn shops and sell it for half the cost. And according to one of the cops I spoke with they can't do nothing cuz they never catch these shops in action. But the kids get arrested for the theft.
Well difficult child needs to go to jail cuz that is the only way he is gonna be able to have a chance to get clean.

 

[standswithcourage]

I understand that! My son needs to go to jail too but I am just trying to think what ridiculous thing he is going to have to do to get there! It really makes me sad to think that way but being free and not clean and not wanting to get clean is dangerous - for me to think about it anyway. However, it does not consume my thoughts. I am going out.