Behavior Contract

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jess5277, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. Jess5277

    Jess5277 New Member

    Hello -

    I am a newby and have been so grateful for this site!! I will update with my story later but I am in a bit of a crisis right now that I could really use your help with. My difficult child was caught sexting...again...for the fourth time! He is extremely disrespectful and violent. Our therapist recommended tonight that I come up with a behavior contract for him to sign today but I'm lost at what it should say. I've tried to find information on this site but haven't found much yet. We've been told that he works well with positive reinforcement but all I can think of is punishment type guidelines, ie - you talk back...you are grounded. I know those things don't work but I'm not sure what will help. :-(

    I have no idea why I'm not seeing my signature so you might see it twice...

    Jessica
    Me: Lost Newby, re-married, divorced from difficult child dad
    difficult child 15 yr old son
    diagnosis: ODD, ADHD, learning disability, executive function difficulty
    medications: Risperdal & Concerta
    easy child-14 yr old girl, 5 year old girl
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your trouble and your hurting mommy heart.

    To be honest, most of us have found that contracts don't work with our kids, even when they carry heavy consequences. I think the majority of us have found that the best way to handle our kids is taking away their "toys", but that can fuel rages. If your son is violent, and acts out, frankly I'd call the police. If that sounds harsh, it can lead to social services getting you help, at least respite, and you really do have to protect your younger children, yourself and any pets you may have (I'm an animal lover...sorry :)) I do not mean to scare you. I simply have lived with a dangerous child and nothing worked until we finally had to make him leave. He was adopted at age eleven and had attachment issues, but, again, this can also happen if there is a divorce and chaos in the first three years of a child's life, during those important years when his brain is still forming (actually it forms for a long time). Regular therapists do NOT understand attachment issues. Has your son seen a psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist? Is drug abuse by your son involved here? Alcohol?

    Can you give us some of his backstory? His diagnosis sounds unclear, maybe like he really is on the autism spectrum and could maybe get free services and interventions and respite if he DOES get t hat diagnosis.

    Was he adopted or did he have very chaotic years in his early life? That can cause attachment issues. A divorce in his formative years with many different caregivers, custody fights etc. can fuel attachment issues which can fuel almost antisocial behavior.

    Most of our differently wired kids do not respond to normal, reasonable parenting, such as contracts, which are excellent for kids who are willing to partake in them. But most of our kids are not and tend to find us "unfair" and scream and yell how everything is our fault, which is unhelpful.

    Is your son a threat to your younger children? I notice you have a five year old. Has he ever acted out sexually other than sexting girls his own age?
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2014
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