Behavior different but still violent with both kids

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Jun 27, 2011.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Hi all,
    So my dad has my kids right now so I can study and breathe! My 11 year old still has her attitude of its all about her when and what she wants! Hmm,sounds like my 5 year old son too. So as I mentioned before, she is obsessed with playing games on the computer especially club penguin. She wants on about 12 hours a day if I let her along with her Nintendo DSI. She is still forced to do piano in order to stay at her private school by my grandfather which she agreed to instead of public school. The Piano teacher wants her to practice 30minutes a day and she goes once a week for a 30 minute lesson. She has not practiced so I put my foot down and told her to catch up,45 minutes now,then an hour computer than another 45 minutes piano.She screamed,is mad at me refuses to talk civil, etc! She doesn't do anything around here and I picked up cleaning her and my sons animals. I understand my son he is 5 and the cages are huge! He used to clean them with little to no help but quit as well. I refuse to give the pets up because I love them and I had to give up mine when I moved in with their father before they were born, so no,I can't! My sons tantrums are now usually only a few minutes at a time, with no biting or head hitting( very rare now)!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!! BUT, several times a day he still gets mad,screams ,says I hate you, shut up, hits us the walls,doors,toys,t.v,shelf where the cages are. He throws things,demanding for everything and anything,says things like "i want a stranger to get you or he will let a stranger get him or call them". Hes said other things that I couldn't understand him( hes still in speech) or my daughter said" he said this or that " but not sure. He still gives us a hard time if we fix him something to eat,drink,do and he didn't want us to do it or we didn't do it rite,he still wants to re-do it or he has to. Oh my gosh my kids really getting into some fights,hit,,yell,rip,break things. I have yelled at certain points and feel so bad about it! I have taken away privileges and such but they don't seem to care. We are suppose to go on a 5 or so hour drive this summer and spend the night but just the thought of my kids screaming bloody murder in the car fighting is making me put it off. Then, my ex bought my son a "leash" when we go somewhere real crowded or as needed, I don't want to use it like he did...tempting though. Its been a long summer and it just started.Only until August 9th they go back! I try to keep them busy,but I'm in school and looking for a job as well as they wont do ANYTHING to get privileges:sigh:! Uggh!
     
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    From the sounds of it, you might want to have your 5 yo diagnosis'd soon. Things could get a lot worse. If nothing else, you will know HOW to handle the behavior effectively if you know WHY he's doing it. I used to assume difficult child was just demanding and mouthy. Now I know better (and can tell the difference when he tries to ACT like it's something else).

    Have you read the books The Explosive Child or What Your Explosive Child Is Trying To Tell You? If not, I would definitely look into those.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you.
     
  3. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    That sounds so much like my son. I know how it can drive you nuts. What I try to do is only have in the fridge/cupboard things that I find healthy so I don't have to limit his choices too much. The therapist also suggested showing him the food I am offering. She said it could some kind of processing issue and he does not know if he wants it or not until he sees it. That has helped a lot. When he feels he has to redo something (probably 'cause I did not do it right in his mind, or it is imperative that HE does it), I have and still tell him to redo it his way, I don't care. It seems to have sunk in: he use to fuss a lot screaming "I was going to do it, I need to do it". Now he just goes behind me, undo and redo as he likes (could be empty his cup and pour more water, open the door and reclose it, etc).
    As far as the pets, it is kind of normal for children not to be consistant with their care, specially the younger one. It does not mean you have to give up on teaching them responsibility, but don't be shocked that they don't do it. If you love your pets, why even think about rehoming them. in my humble opinion, it would send the wrong message to your kids: when I get bored of pets, I get rid of them. Keep the animals and, maybe, make a point that they are mainly yours from now on... unless they can prove to be responsible pet owners. That could mean asking your permission for special treats or play time with them.
    As for your daughter and the piano... I have the same problem with my own easy child son! lol To relieve some pressure, I've asked the teacher to not give so much work over the summer. He is supposed to work 30 min a day, but if he is focused and makes a good effort, I let him go before the 30 minutes. Your daughter is older, but maybe you could make such a compromised? And maybe let her know that she has x amount of time to shape up, otherwise she will have to quit her private school. Give her a little bit of wiggle room, but she still has to be steady at it.
    Deep breath and keep going!
     
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I agree about a diagnosis for your son...the level of the tantrums and the length is too high...sensory integration issues seem to be pretty prevelant and you could be looking at a variety of things regarding his development.

    Your daughter seems to be flexing some muscle here. Ross Greene suggested with basket b to say something along the lines of "I want you to practice the piano. If you don't, that would upset me. You don't want to and if I make you, that would upset you. I don't want either of us to be upset, so what would you suggest we do so that both of us are happy?". This firmly puts the ball in her court. It'll also teach her about compromise. Give it a shot...you've got nothing to lose! :twister2:

    Beth
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has he been evaluated? I would not be surprised if one or both were on the autism spectrum. I don't k now for sure, of course, but I'd sure check it out. His speech issues are a symptom and his over-the-top tantrums can also be a symptom.

    Trying to parent differently wired kids the same way you'd discipline other kids is a waste of time, as most of us found out. Also, although it's hard, try to understand that the kids probably have low frustration levels and are truly not waking up each day to make you miserable. Most likely, they are miserable themselves and possibly even frightened by their own behavior. Even that young, they know they are not like other kids (at least I knew it when I was that young).

    Hang in there and perhaps try to get a full evaluation for both children. Any psychiatric issues or neurological problems on either side of their genetic family tree?
     
  6. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thanks everyone for writing me! Its been a while since I have been on. My kids are the same! My daughter is just spoiled and lazy! I know she is frustrated with her brother and the piano issues. She says" mom, I'm getting older now" but has yet to prove it! As far as compromise with her, she use to and quit, but I am still trying! I have had some relief that his tantrums do not last 2/3 hours anymore even though he gets mad several times a day,runs,screams and slams his door with his bad mouth going with it! For me, that is a blessing! That's still not good and he has gotten very "demanding" and " refuses to sit still" for his speech therapist as well. She has now started a reward chart with stickers. She said he is different then he is when she goes to his school. There he is almost quite, but,still demanding. Here, hes all over.( I give them privacy here and shut the dining room door). So anyways, I am reading Dr. Greene's book as we speak. I agree, not like other kids. I dread going in public with them especially my sons behavior. Kids younger,same age and older are behaving, but noooo not mine! I get dirty looks, comments about me or my son, I have to apologize when he literally runs into people there with the carts or just him running around. Yes, I have just dropped what im doing and left. Doesn't work. Well, anyways, thanks again!
     
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