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Behavioral Modification
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 159936" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>husband and I have been in talk therapy for 2 - 3 years, trying to work on him participating in life and in our marriage, and on communication for both of us. He still has no clue what I meant last week when I said "I don't care anymore." Since then he has been trying to do things around the house that I have been mentioning and asking him to do in the past. Our problem with my asking him to do things is that I ask 40 or 50 times (not exaggerating) over a 1 to 2 year period, then he might do it. He'll leave something out, or not complete it, or do a poor job. Then I correct him, and apparently this means I don't appreciate what he does so he pouts and ignores me. I get angry and don't ask until it's unbearable. Then it's another year or two. And I don't mean huge projects. I mean what might be a 10 minute to two hour job for anyone else. Vicious cycle.</p><p></p><p>So, today we have our next to the last fully covered session with our therapist. I explained the difference between "talk therapy" and "behavioral modification therapy" to him last night, and asked if we could do that. He said "I'd like to just keep trying what we're doing, it seems to be working." I said, "You mean what we've been doing in the last week?" Well, yeah, and I've been trying more this spring." Sorry, but I just don't see it. I didn't tell him that though. I told him, "Talk therapy isn't working for me. We don't communicate very well." Agreed. "I don't like the way I react to the things you do and I need to change for myself. "Well, I'd like to keep trying what we're doing."</p><p></p><p>To top it off, he's not sure if he can make our appointment today. He has a business meeting at 1 and our appointment is at noon. I'm so tired of "trying to keep what we've been doing." I know darn well he will get to where he's comfortable and in a few weeks be back to his same old ****. Why doesn't he understand what he is throwing away?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 159936, member: 99"] husband and I have been in talk therapy for 2 - 3 years, trying to work on him participating in life and in our marriage, and on communication for both of us. He still has no clue what I meant last week when I said "I don't care anymore." Since then he has been trying to do things around the house that I have been mentioning and asking him to do in the past. Our problem with my asking him to do things is that I ask 40 or 50 times (not exaggerating) over a 1 to 2 year period, then he might do it. He'll leave something out, or not complete it, or do a poor job. Then I correct him, and apparently this means I don't appreciate what he does so he pouts and ignores me. I get angry and don't ask until it's unbearable. Then it's another year or two. And I don't mean huge projects. I mean what might be a 10 minute to two hour job for anyone else. Vicious cycle. So, today we have our next to the last fully covered session with our therapist. I explained the difference between "talk therapy" and "behavioral modification therapy" to him last night, and asked if we could do that. He said "I'd like to just keep trying what we're doing, it seems to be working." I said, "You mean what we've been doing in the last week?" Well, yeah, and I've been trying more this spring." Sorry, but I just don't see it. I didn't tell him that though. I told him, "Talk therapy isn't working for me. We don't communicate very well." Agreed. "I don't like the way I react to the things you do and I need to change for myself. "Well, I'd like to keep trying what we're doing." To top it off, he's not sure if he can make our appointment today. He has a business meeting at 1 and our appointment is at noon. I'm so tired of "trying to keep what we've been doing." I know darn well he will get to where he's comfortable and in a few weeks be back to his same old ****. Why doesn't he understand what he is throwing away? [/QUOTE]
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