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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671933" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Do we have the same sisters?</p><p></p><p> Sister was the fox watching the henhouse. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Huh, I wonder what will become of us, Copa, when the time comes.</p><p> How on Gods green earth did they get this way?</p><p>My sister is already spinning tales to my mom that I will be coming for T-day or Christmas. My lil sis let me know this.</p><p>I have explained to Attilla over and over that I cannot afford this. That I am available when the time comes, to help care for my Mom. Does she think I am rich, that I can just take off of work to fly thousands of miles to spend quality time? We were just there.</p><p>I need to have a Dr. sign off to qualify for family leave. I do not think a Dr. will sign off for companionship. I have my family here, the hubs, my son.</p><p>It feels like sabotage, Copa, like she is setting me up to disappoint my Mom.</p><p>"Sorry Mom I cant come. Attilla was mistaken." How could my Mom feel about this? , How could she do this to the both of us?</p><p>UGH.</p><p> UGH. I am sorry this is so Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I do not know Copa, people can change, but I do not know.</p><p></p><p> Projecting blame, it is classic. Yes it is so with Attilla.</p><p></p><p> M is a smart, smart man.</p><p></p><p> Copa, you are thinking so hard on this.</p><p></p><p> Oh Copa, this is hard. The holidays are hard in this situation with our d cs, they do not make anything less real for us, these holidays, with their Norman Rockwell fantasy paintings of the big family dinners where all is well and everybody is happy.</p><p></p><p> This is just my opinion, Copa.</p><p>I think you have a little time to reflect on your expressions here of how you feel when your son is present.</p><p>Not that it is a "horrible thing for a mother to feel this way about her son".</p><p>Cut that part out, that is guilt talking.</p><p>Think on the real truth of it, minus the Norman Rockwell painting.</p><p>Holidays, with all of the trimmings and stuff, compel us to want to be one big giant happy family. This does not always happen. Especially for us.</p><p></p><p>I think M is wise in encouraging you to go to him. On your terms.</p><p></p><p>How you feel about being around your son, holidays or not, is a consequence of his actions, nothing more, nothing less.</p><p>This has nothing to do with your mothering and everything to do with his choices.</p><p></p><p>Holidays on your terms Copa, is not a bad thing.</p><p>I do not know how M's sister would feel about having son for Thanksgiving, or M, or you. It seems to me, that you hate what happens when he is in your territory, your home. You have to take to your room.</p><p>What will you do if this happens at M's sisters? What will everyone else do?</p><p></p><p>Would it be different there? Would he act differently, and you react differently?</p><p></p><p>So much to think about.</p><p></p><p>The one thing that rings in my ears, is holidays on your terms.</p><p></p><p>I hope I have not offended you</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671933, member: 19522"] Do we have the same sisters? Sister was the fox watching the henhouse. Huh, I wonder what will become of us, Copa, when the time comes. How on Gods green earth did they get this way? My sister is already spinning tales to my mom that I will be coming for T-day or Christmas. My lil sis let me know this. I have explained to Attilla over and over that I cannot afford this. That I am available when the time comes, to help care for my Mom. Does she think I am rich, that I can just take off of work to fly thousands of miles to spend quality time? We were just there. I need to have a Dr. sign off to qualify for family leave. I do not think a Dr. will sign off for companionship. I have my family here, the hubs, my son. It feels like sabotage, Copa, like she is setting me up to disappoint my Mom. "Sorry Mom I cant come. Attilla was mistaken." How could my Mom feel about this? , How could she do this to the both of us? UGH. UGH. I am sorry this is so Copa. I do not know Copa, people can change, but I do not know. Projecting blame, it is classic. Yes it is so with Attilla. M is a smart, smart man. Copa, you are thinking so hard on this. Oh Copa, this is hard. The holidays are hard in this situation with our d cs, they do not make anything less real for us, these holidays, with their Norman Rockwell fantasy paintings of the big family dinners where all is well and everybody is happy. This is just my opinion, Copa. I think you have a little time to reflect on your expressions here of how you feel when your son is present. Not that it is a "horrible thing for a mother to feel this way about her son". Cut that part out, that is guilt talking. Think on the real truth of it, minus the Norman Rockwell painting. Holidays, with all of the trimmings and stuff, compel us to want to be one big giant happy family. This does not always happen. Especially for us. I think M is wise in encouraging you to go to him. On your terms. How you feel about being around your son, holidays or not, is a consequence of his actions, nothing more, nothing less. This has nothing to do with your mothering and everything to do with his choices. Holidays on your terms Copa, is not a bad thing. I do not know how M's sister would feel about having son for Thanksgiving, or M, or you. It seems to me, that you hate what happens when he is in your territory, your home. You have to take to your room. What will you do if this happens at M's sisters? What will everyone else do? Would it be different there? Would he act differently, and you react differently? So much to think about. The one thing that rings in my ears, is holidays on your terms. I hope I have not offended you leafy [/QUOTE]
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